J 


This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below 


SOUTHERN  BRANCH 

iJNlVERSlTY  OF  CALIFORNIA, 

LIBRARY, 

il-OS  ANGELES,  CALJF. 


Betteb  Business  Books 


BETTER 
BUSINESS   LETTERS 

"D  ■C"T* 'X*  p*  "D 

BUSINESS    ENGLISH 

BETTER  ADVERTISING 

By 
JOHN  M.  MANLY 
Head  of  the  Department  of  Eng- 
lish, The  University  of  Chicago 

and 
JOHN  A.    POWELL 
The  Holtzer-Cabot  Electric  Com- 
pany, Chicago 

Three  Volumes,  Uniformly  Bound 

in    Leatherette,    Pocket    Size. 

Per    Volume,    $1.50 


Better  Bugtncgg  Bookg 

BETTER  BUSINESS 
LETTERS 


A  Practical  Desk  i\Iaiiual  Arranged  for  Ready 

Reference,    with    Illustrative    Examples   of 

Sales   Letters,    Follow-Up,    Complaint, 

and   Collection   Letters 


BY 

JOHN  M.  MANLY 

Head  of  the  Department  of  English 
The  University  of  Chicago 

AND 

JOHN  A.  POWELL 

The    Holtzer-Cabot    Electric    Company,    Chicago 


47114 

CHICAGO 
FREDERICK  J.  DRAKE  &  CO. 

PUBLISHERS 


Copyrig-ht,  1921 

By 

FREDERICK  J.   DRAKE  &  CO. 


Printed    in    V.    S.    A. 


PREFACE 


If  one  were  to  attempt  to  put  into  practice  all  the 
rules  and  suggestions  that  have  been  printed  on  the 
subject  of  business  letters,  the  letters  produced  would, 
it  must  be  admitted,  be  stiff  and  ponderous.  They 
would  resemble  the  weighty  "essay"  of  half  a  century 
ago,  rather  than  a  present-day  sales  talk.  Certainly 
this  would  be  true  if  it  were  regarded  as  necessary  to 
embody  in  each  letter  all  the  rules  laid  down  regarding 
"opening,"  "description,"  "argument,"  "proof," 
"persuasion,'*  "clinching,"  and  the  various  interme- 
diate embellishments. 

Most  books  on  the  subject  of  business  letters  devote 
far  more  space  to  these  features  than  does  the  present 
work.  The  authors  believe  it  is  wiser  to  give  to  the 
subject  a  treatment  that  is  suggestive  rather  than  one 
that  is  exhaustive  and  likelj'  also  to  be  exhausting. 

This  book  is  designed,  not  as  a  textbook  on  the  sub- 
ject of  business  letters,  but  as  a  practical  aid  to  the 
man  who  is  trying  to  train  himself  to  break  away  from 
the  stiff  and  commonplace  office  letter  that  is  "natural" 
to  him  only  because  it  has  become  habitual.  It  is  de- 
signed to  serve  him  as  a  manual  for  desk  use,  to  which 
he  can  turn,  at  the  moment  of  dictation,  for  a  sugges- 
tion or  a  rule  applicable  to  the  class  of  letter  he  is  about 
to  write,  A  work  that  is  to  serve  such  a  purpose  must 
not  be  "long  winded"  or  full  of  abstract  discussion  of 
theoretical  rules.  It  must,  on  the  contrary,  be  simple 
and  brief  in  its  treatment  of  the  rules,  and  at  the  same 


PREFACE 

time  not  so  crowded  with  examples  as  to  suggest  the 
use  of  an}'  one  of  them  as  a  model  for  a  concrete  case. 

The  one  thing  above  all  others  that  the  book  seeks  to 
emphasize  is  that  business  letters  should  be  business 
talks  in  writing,  with  the  "human"  element  predom- 
inating. If  the  ability  to  write  letters  of  this  sort  is 
recognized  as  the  first  thing  to  be  striven  for,  the  reader 
will  appreciate  better  the  proportionate  weight  w^hich 
should  be  accorded  to  the  more  technical  elements.  Atten- 
tion, interest,  desire,  decision,  are  the  emotions  that  must 
necessarily  be  awakened  in  the  mind  of  the  prospect 
before  a  sale  can  be  effected.  Technically  speaking,  this 
is  accomplished  only  through  description,  argument, " 
proof,  persuasion,  and  a  ''clinching"  close.  Yet  there 
is  often  no  sharp  or  clear  division  between  these  pro- 
cesses. No  two  letter-writers  accord  the  same  weight, 
or  devote  the  same  amount  of  space,  to  any  one  of  these 
elements;  and  the  same  writer  will,  in  different  sales 
letters,  lay  greater  stress  on  one  element  in  today's  sales 
letters  than  he  did  in  those  of  yesterday. 

After  all,  it  is  human  nature  to  vary  in  one's  own 
mental  outlook  from  day  to  day.  Being  human  in  one's 
letters  includes,  then,  a  necessary  variation  in  surface 
expression — ancl  this  is  the  very  thing  to  be  desired.  It 
means  freedom  from  conventional  phrases;  it  means 
being  one's  self. 

If,  therefore,  the  rules  laid  down  in  this  book  are 
treated  as  a  framework  on  which  must  be  hung  the  per- 
sonal wardrobe,  so  to  speak,  of  the  writer  of  letters,  the 
object  of  the  authors  will  have  been  attained. 

The  Authors. 

Chicago,  1921. 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

I.    The  Atmosphere  of  Business  Letters 0 

1.  Knowledge  of  the  Goods 

2.  Knowledge   of  the  Prospect 

3.  A  Weil-Considered  Plan 

II.    The  Framework  of  the  Sales  Letter 22 

1.  The  Opening 

a)    Replies  to  Previous  Letters  of  Inquiry 
6)    Original  Sales  Letters 

2.  The  Description 

3.  Explanation,   Argument,   and   Persuasion 

4.  The  "Clincher"  Climax 

III.    Details  That  Contribute  to  Successful  Sales  Let- 
ters       71 

1.  Replies  That  Are  Not  Orders 

2.  Importance  of  a  Comparative  Study  of  Letters 

3.  The  Psychological  Value  of  Style 

4.  Futile  Phrases 

IV.    Follow-Up  Letters   83 

1.  Follovk^-Ups  to  Original  Sales  Letters 

2.  Follow-Ups  to  Inquiries 

3.  Original  Follow-Up  Campaigns 

V.    Collection  Letters  105 

1.  Commercial  Accounts 

2.  Instalment  Collections 

3.  Retail  Accounts 


CONTENTS 
CHAPTER  PAGE 

VI.    Answering  Complaint  Letters 127 

1.  Where  Investigation  Is  Needed 

2.  Where    the    Claim    Is    Without    Merit,    but    Is 
Granted  as  a  Matter  of  Policy 

3.  Where  the  Claim  Is  Granted  Because  the  Seller 
Is  in  the  Wrong 

4.  Where  Settlement  of  the  Claim  Is  Refused 

5.  Closing  Maxims 

VII.    Hints   on   Salesmanship   as   Applied   to   Business 

Letters 148 

VIII.    Conclusion    156 

Index t 161 


BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

CHAPTER  I 
THE  ATMOSPHERE  OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Why  persons  who  can  write  an  absorbingly  interesting 
or  witty  social  letter,  and  whose  family  letters  are  full 
of  naturalness  and  "human  interest,"  cannot  do  the 
same  with  their  business  letters  is  one  of  the  questions 
that  the  Sphinx  has  failed  to  answer.  Many  a  business 
man  will  write  to  his  social  acquaintances  informal  notes 
which  reflect  his  personality  in  charmingly  attractive 
ways,  and  yet,  as  soon  as  he  sits  down  to  write  or  dic- 
tate a  business  letter,  the  same  man  seems  to  think  it 
necessarj^  to  submerge  his  personality  in  formalities  and 
in  commonplace  phrases  which,  for  some  reason  or  other, 
are  considered  businesslike. 

The  greatest  mistake  that  can  be  made  is  to  assume 
that  a  business  letter  must  be  formal,  must  avoid  any- 
thing like  individuality,  and  must  utilize  the  old,  shop- 
worn phrases  that  make  the  average  business  communi- 
cation a  dreary  imitation  of  thousands  of  equally  dreary 
predecessors.  A  realization  of  this  fact  has,  in  recent 
years,  begun  to  trickle  into  the  business  consciousness, 
with  the  result  that  the  brighter  minds  are  breaking 
away  from  time-worn  phraseology  and  are  making  their 
correspondence  a  reflection  of  the  personality  of  the 
writer — as  it  ought  to  be. 

9 


10  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

We  propose  to  approach  gradually  and  logically  to 
a  discussion  of  how  this  is  to  be  brought  about.  We 
shall  consider  first  some  general  principles  applicable 
to  all  business  letters  of  any  nature.  With  the  funda- 
mentals clearly  in  mind,  the  application  of  specific  prin- 
ciples will  be  more  easily  understood. 

A  business  letter  should  be  regarded  as  substantially 
a  business  conversation  reduced  to  writing.  It  should, 
of  course,  be  more  concise  and  logical  than  the  ordinary 
conversation,  but  the  idea  to  be  emphasized  is  that  the 
ordinary  principles  underlying  and  regulating  an  inter- 
view between  business  men  should  be  regarded  as  appli- 
cable to  their  written  conversations — their  letters. 

This  chapter  is  primarily  devoted  to  a  consideration 
of  the  principles  applicable  to  sales  letters;  yet,  in  a 
general  way,  most  of  the  principles  will  be  found,  as 
we  progress,  to  be  applicable  to  every  kind  of  business 
correspondence.  Some  of  the  other  kinds  of  business 
letters  are  discussed  in  later  chapters. 

Selling  goods  by  letter  is  based  on  the  same  funda- 
mental methods  which  govern  sales  by  any  other  means. 
The  principles  which  regulate  a  salesman  in  approach- 
ing his  customer,  in  presenting  his  proposition,  in  seek- 
ing to  close  the  sale,  should  be  the  principles  by  which 
the  writer  of  sales  letters  constructs  his  written  efforts. 
There  are,  first,  general  principles  without  a  knowledge 
of  which  no  one  can  be  successful  in  selling,  and  to 
these  a  preliminary^  consideration  must  be  given. 

Those  we  shall  discuss  here  are:  (1)  the  need  of  a 
thorough  familiarity  with  one's  subject;  (2)  the  neces- 
sity of  obtaining  as  intimate  a  knowledge  as  it  is  possi- 
ble to  acquire  of  the  characteristics,  the  idiosyncrasies, 
and  the  disposition  of  the  person  to  be  addressed;  (3) 
the  formulation  of  a  thoroughly  well-defined  plan  of 


ATMOSPHRRE   OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS  11 

approach  before  attempting  to  frame  the  sales  letter 
itself.     We  shall  consider  each  in  turn. 


1.     KNOWLEDGE  OF  THE  GOODS 

No  salesman  worthy  of  the  name — and  of  the  occu- 
pation— would  attempt  to  sell  goods  to  a  dealer  without 
first  learning  all  there  is  to  know  about  the  goods  he 
wished  to  sell.  He  would  never  consider  it  enough  to 
know  merely  the  price  and  quantity  discounts.  He 
would  know  very  well  that  unless  he  was  thoroughly 
informed  regarding  the  smallest  details,  such  as  how 
his  line  compared  with  competing  lines,  its  applicability 
to  various  uses  and  the  different  classes  of  prospects, 
what  constituted  its  leading  advantages — why,  in  other 
words,  his  line  should  be  preferred  to  his  competitor's 
— he  would  not  get  very  far  with  a  critical  or  unrespon- 
sive prospect.  The  competent  salesman  Imows  his  goods 
backward  and  forward — the  details  entering  into  their 
manufacture,  the  features  that  recommend  them,  in 
what  respects  they  differ  from  or  are  better  than  every 
other  competing  line,  and  so  on  to  the  end  of  the  chap- 
ter. The  principal  motive  which  impels  him  to  acquire 
a  thorough  familiarity  with  each  detail  is  that  he  may 
be  able  to  interest  his  prospective  buyers — and  to  do 
that  he  must  have  a  choice  of  "talking  points."  One 
buyer's  interest  is  to  be  caught  by  this  feature,  another's 
by  that  feature.  And  the  successful  salesman  is  he  who 
has  so  complete  a  knowledge  of  his  subject  as  to  be  able 
to  interest  anyone  when  talking  about  it.  The  average 
salesman  knows  so  intuitively  that  success  depends 
largely  on  this  factor,  that  he  needs  little  argument  or 
emphasis  on  the  fact. 

Compare  this  with  the  apparent  attitude    of    mind 


12  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

shown  by  thousands  of  sales-letter  writers.    With  what 
wearying  sameness  of  iteration  and  reiteration  does  one' 
encounter  letters  reading  after  this  fashion : 

Your  esteemed  favor  of  the  27th  at  hand.      In 
reply  we   take  pleasure   in  quoting  you  prices   on 
as  follows  . 

Hoping   to    receive   your   valued   order,    we 
are,   etc. 

If  a  salesman  talked  this  way,  would  he  get  very  far 
in  effecting  sales?  The  remarkable  thing  about  it  all 
is  that  the  very  man  who  dictates  such  letters  will  in 
very  many  instances  talk  to  customers  with  a  true  sales- 
man's instinct.  He  instinctively  injects  his  own  person- 
ality into  the  interview ;  he  leads  here  and  there  until  he 
has  found  the  "point  of  contact"  with  the  customer; 
his  sales  talk  is  forceful,  interesting,  and  effective.  Why 
should  the  written  sales  talk  be  wooden  and  ineffective, 
when  the  writer  of  it  is  capable  of  effective  and  com- 
pelling conversation  ? 

There  should  be  no  difference  in  principle  between  the 
two  cases.  That  is  the  point  of  this  discussion.  The 
atmosphere  of  a  letter  should  be  as  expressive  of  the  per- 
sonality^ of  the  writer  as  his  conversation  itself  can  be 
made  to  be.  Imagination  is,  if  anything,  more  vital  in 
a  business  letter  than  it  is  in  conversation.  Nevertheless, 
it  must  be  imagination  that  is  balanced  always  by  facts. 
And  facts  cannot  be  given  convincingly  unless  the  writer 
knows  them  himself — unless,  in  addition  to  the  superfi- 
cialities, he  knows  the  processes  of  manufacture,  or  the 
principles  underlying  the  use,  of  the  goods  he  has  to  sell. 

Furthermore,  the  writer  of  a  letter  must  have  a  con- 
vincing enthusiasm  for  his  subject  which  is  capable  of 
being  conveyed  to  his  correspondent  through  his  letter. 


ATMOSPHERE  OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS  13 

It  is  clear  that  if  the  writer  lacks  a  thorough  knowledge 
of  the  details  of  his  goods,  any  attempt  at  enthusiastic 
description  or  recommendation  will  be  more  or  less 
spurious — somewhere  it  will  sound  a  false  note.  Hence, 
to  the  degree  in  which  it  lacks  honesty  and  genuineness 
based  on  knowledge,  to  that  degree  will  it  be  uncon- 
vincing. No  matter  whether  a  man  is  seeking  to  sell 
spiritual  salvation  or  mouse-traps,  he  must  first  "sell" 
himself  and  his  product  to  himself — he  must  be  enthusi- 
astically convinced  of  the  merit  of  his  proposition.  He 
must  believe  in  it,  and  know  why  he  believes. 

This  leads  us  to  one  of  the  most  important  considera- 
tions of  all,  i.  e.,  the  importance  of  truth  and  frankness. 

Aside  from  all  questions  of  morality,  a  letter  that  is 
palpably  frank  and  honest  in  its  statements  impresses 
the  reader  as  no  other  kind  of  letter  can.  Scrupulous 
honesty  in  describing  goods  offered  in  a  sales  letter  and 
entire  frankness  in  replying  to  a  prospective  customer's 
inquiry  are  qualities  in  the  atmosphere  of  sales  letters 
which  go  a  long  way  toward  inspiring  confidence  and 
carrying  conviction.  Untruths,  half-truths,  evasions, 
concealment,  lack  of  frankness,  are  all  in  the  same  class, 
as  being  both  immoral  and  extremely  poor  policy. 

As  a  corrollary  to  this,  it  is  to  be  borne  in  mind  that 
generalizations  should  scrupulously  be  avoided.  By  this 
is  meant  that  to  describe  an  article  as  "the  best  on  the 
market,"  "the  most  desirable  and  efficient  ever  offered," 
"the  only  thing  of  its  kind,"  etc.,  not  only  probably 
states  an  untruth,  but  also  fails  to  carry  conviction,  or 
even  to  accomplish  anything  in  the  way  of  persuasion. 
No  one  is  impressed  by  extravagant  claims;  and  asser- 
tions which  are  simply  general  in  nature — not  thor- 
oughly specific  in  adding  something  to  a  definite  line  of 
argument  or  of  thought — are  mere  vapid  talk.     To  one 


14  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

reading  such  phrases  they  suggest  a  lack  of  knowledge 
on  the  part  of  the  writer,  or,  worse,  a  desire  to  evade 
the  responsibility  involved  in  being  specific. 

Finally — and  this  is  perhaps  the  most  important  detail 
of  all  in  the  atmosphere  of  a  letter — remember  that  the 
subject  in  w^hich  the  man  you  are  writing  to  is  most 
interested  is  liimself  and  liis  own  interests.  Therefore, 
don't  talk  about  yourself,  with  a  tiresome  ringing  of 
the  changes  on  what  you  think,  what  you  have  to  offer, 
what  you  hope  or  desire,  but  show  your  corre- 
spondent that  you  have  his  interests,  7m  needs,  7m 
wishes  in  mind.  In  other  words,  suppress,  as  far  as 
possible,  all  references  to  "I,"  ''we,"  and  inject  into 
your  letter  all  the  "you"  element  possible.  The  effect 
of  this  on  the  reader  is  as  great  as  any  single  feature 
involved  in  letter-w^riting.  We  shall  return  to  this  sub- 
ject later  on. 

Our  discussion  has  now  brought  us  to  these 
conclusions : 

1.  Letters  must  reflect  the  individuality,  the  personal 
characteristics  of  the  writer,  in  the  same  manner  as  if 
he  were  carrying  on  a  sales  talk  with  his  customer. 

2.  The  writer  of  a  letter  must  know  his  subject  thor- 
oughly, both  in  order  that  he  may  present  it  convinc- 
ingly to  his  correspondent,  and  that  his  enthusiasm 
may  be  contagious  and  not  open  to  the  suspicion  that  it 
is  assumed  for  the  occasion. 

3.  The  w^hole  truth  and  entire  frankness  constitute 
beyond  all  question  the  wisest  business  policy,  and  tend 
to  make  even  weak  letters  effective  when  better  written 
letters,  whose  frankness  is  open  to  suspicion,  may  fail 
of  the  desired  effect. 

4.  Generalizations  are  always  to  be  avoided.  They 
are  either  a  confession  of  lack  of  familiarity  with  your 


ATMOSPHERE  OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS  15 

goods  or  they  are  insulting  to  the  intelligence  of  your 
customer.     He  wants  specific  facts. 

5.  The  "1"  or  "we"  element  is  to  be  kept  in  the 
background,  and  the  "you"  element  (the  customer's 
interest)  is  to  be  given  prominence.  He  is  but  very 
slightly  interested  in  what  you  think;  but  it  is  up  to 
you  to  show  him  that  you  are  interested  in  what  Jie 
needs. 

2.     KNOWLEDGE  OF  THE  PROSPECT 

Underlying  ail  successful  sales  plans,  whether  these 
are  to  be  effected  by  word  of  mouth  or  by  sales  letters, 
lies  the  ps.ychological  element  of  the  customer's  per- 
sonality. The  salesman  tries  to  find  some  point  of  per- 
sonal contact  with  his  customer  before  approaching  him. 
The  writer  of  a  letter  must  do  the  same.  He  must  not 
only  understand  his  customer's  nature,  his  needs,  his 
business,  his  point  of  view,  but  must  be  able  to  show 
that  he  does.  This  personal  element  tends  to  win  the 
confidence  of  the  reader  where  indifference  existed  be- 
fore. The  lack  of  it  leaves  your  letter  a  cold,  matter- 
of-fact,  colorless  affair,  little  better  in  its  effect  than  the 
typewritten  or  printed  circular. 

If  this  is  true,  it  follows,  as  was  said  in  the  preceding 
section  on  '^ Atmosphere/'  that  instead  of  talking  of 
himself,  the  writer  must  talk  of  the  customer  to  the 
customer  by  discussing  the  latter 's  needs  or  by  enlarging 
on  the  advantages  which  are  offered  to  him.  This  can 
not,  of  course  be  done  effectively  without  some  knowledge 
of  the  customer,  whether  it  be  personal,  or  that  gained 
from  mercantile  or  trade  reports,  or  from  psychological 
inference.  A  letter  showing  a  sympathetic  familiarity 
with  the  customer's  line  of  trade  and  making  clear  to 
him  the  suitability  of  the  goods  offered  to  his  particular 


16  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

situation,  will  unconsciously  create  in  the  customer  a 
recognition  of  the  truth  of  what  is  said  and  an  attitude 
of  receptiveness,  such  as  could  not  be  produced  by  a 
dozen  offers  that  have  nothing  of  the  personal  element 
in  them. 

In  a  large  business  with  a  large  list  of  customers, 
such  a  knowledge  of  each  individual  customer  must  ne- 
cessarily be  more  limited  than  if  one  were  addressing  a 
dozen  or  twenty  of  one's  acquaintances.  The  principle 
is  a  true  one,  however,  and  applies  to  all  classes  of  cases, 
namely,  that  every  sales  letter  should  endeavor  to  strike 
a  personal  note  that  will  ring  true  to  the  individual  to 
whom  it  is  addressed.  In  a  general  way,  this  can  often 
be  accomplished  although  one  possesses  no  personal  infor- 
mation regarding  the  prospect.  The  extent  of  his  busi- 
ness can  be  sized  up  from  mercantile  reports;  the  fact 
that  he  is,  say,  a  watchmaker  and  jeweler,  whose  class 
of  trade  is  fairly  well  defined,  will,  of  itself,  suggest  a 
different  tone  of  letter  from  that  to  be  addressed  to  a 
druggist,  whose  trade  comes  from  a  wider  class.  Or, 
if  the  appeal  is  to  be  made  to  private  individuals,  the 
classification  of  the  mailing  list  in  advance  into  lawyers, 
doctors,  preachers,  business  men,  housewives,  etc.,  will 
suggest  a  letter  varying  in  the  tone  and  nature  of  its 
personal  elements  for  each  class.  This  adaptation  of 
the  appeal  to  the  individual,  whether  it  is  accomplished 
by  a  full  or  by  a  limited  knowledge  of  the  person 
addressed,  is  a  powerful  factor  in  enabling  you  to  ''get 
under  his  skin,"  where  the  impersonal  letter  falls  on 
an  iTnresponsive  mind  and  fails  to  awaken  interest, 
because  there  is  no  personal  point  of  contact.  As  has 
been  wisely  said,  ''It  is  often  easier  to  get  a  man  to  do 
what  he  wants  to  do,  than  what  he  ought  to  do."  The 
applicabilit}"  of  this  statement  to  the  letter  appealing 


ATMOSPHERE  OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS  17 


You  have  seen  healthy  men- -among  them 
your  own  friends- -unexpectedly  take  sick  and  die 
within  a  few  days,  haven't  you? 

Have  you  ever  thought  that  your  turn  may 
come- -suddenly? 

Suppose  it  did--have  you  (with  the  present 
purchasing  value  of  a  dollar  at  about  fifty  centsj 
sufficient  Life  Insurance  to  protect  your  wife 
and  babies  as  you  would  wish  them  protected? 

If  not,  then  let  us  show  you  our  new  policy. 
It  protects  your  loved  ones  in  case  of  your  death. 
It  provides  for  a  monthly  pension  for  yourself 
after  the  age  of  50,  if  you  should  ever  need  it. 
And  it  costs  less  than  many  companies  charge  for 
ordinary  insurance. 

It's  a  special  contract,  offered  only  to 
preferred  risks.   If  you  aren't  convinced  of  what 
it  will  do  for  you,  when  you  know  all  about  the 
plan,  you  can  drop  the  matter. 

The  enclosed  card  will  bring  full  par- 
ticulars. 

Fill  it  out  and  mail  it  today- -there's 
no  obligation. 

Example  of  a  letter  embodying  the  principle  of  establishing 
the  "point  of  contact"  with  the  prospect.  Note  that  it  opens 
with  a  reference  to  the  prospect  himself  and  his  family.  The 
attempt  to  sell  is  made  after  first  interesting-  the  readei  in  some- 
thing he  is  assumed  to  desire. 


18  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

to  a  man's  self-interest  involves  a  philosophy  that  is 
worth  embodying  in  one's  practice. 

And  when  j^'ou  have,  by  one  means  or  another,  obtained 
the  information  you  need  about  the  personality  of  your 
prospect,  how  shall  you  make  use  of  it?  By  the  exer- 
cise of  your  imagination,  in  such  a  way  as  will  appeal 
somehow  to  his  self-interest. 

If  you  have  reason  to  believe  that  the  prospect  is 
much  like  yourself — ^has  the  same  tastes,  interests,  preju- 
dices, and  difficulties, — your  task  is  easy.  You  have  only 
to  ask  yourself.  What  would  attract  7ne  to  these  goods? 
or.  What  could  a  salesman  say  that  would  get  a  hearing 
from  mef  And  what  would  make  me  decide  to  take 
them  now?  The  answer  to  these  questions — which  you 
yourself  can  furnish  from  your  own  consciousness — is 
the  answer  to  the  problem. 

If  the  prospect  is  knowTi  to  belong  to  a  class  having 
entirely  different  tastes^  interests,  prejudices,  and  prob- 
lems from  your  ovm,  your  problem  is  more  difficult, 
but  still  can  be  solved  by  the  aid  of  the  imagination. 
Try  to  imagine  how  you  would  feel  if  you  were  in  your 
prospect's  class,  with  his  experience  or  outlook  on  life, 
and  with  his  interests ;  and,  if  possible,  assist  your  imagi- 
nation by  talking  with  typical  persons  of  his  class.  Get 
yourself  into  his  point  of  view,  in  other  words,  and  do 
it  by  your  imagination  assisted  by  what  actual  experi- 
ence you  can  gain.  In  this  respect,  it  is  always  greatly 
to  the  advantage  of  the  salesman  and  to  the  business 
letter-writer  to  cultivate  a  wide  and  accurate  knowledge 
of  men  and  women  of  all  the  classes  of  society  with 
which  he  is  ever  likely  to  have  business  dealings. 

Without  these  two  qualities,  imagination  and  experi- 
ence, you  cannot  successfully  \azualize  your  prospect. 
And  without  more  or  less  vizualization  of  this  sort,  your 


ATMOSPHERE  OF  BUSINESS  LETTERS  19 


The  Santa  Fe  men  who  report  to  you  each  week 
for  watch  inspection  are  men  who  know  the  value  of 
keeping  true  time  by  an  alarm  clock. 

Sixty-five  thousand  of  these  men  are  going 
to  read  Big  Ben's  advertisement  in  the  Santa  Fe 
Employee's  Magazine,  proof  enclosed.   They  will 
want  to  see  him,  want  to  own  him.  Make  your  store 
division  headquarters  for  Big  Ben.  His  broad-gauge 
guarantee  of  satisfaction  and  price  maintenance 
gives  you  a  clear  track  on  the  profit  right-of-way. 

Show  a  railroader  Big  Ben's  splendid  con- 
struction; have  him  operate  the  alarm  throttle;  tell 
him  that  Big  Ben  will  run  his  home  on  schedule  time, 
and  as  a  call  boy,  will  not  fail  to  get  him  out  on 
time  for  his  run.  Tell  him  to  bring  Big  Ben  to  your 
roundhouse  once  in  two  years  for  oiling  and  over- 
hauling. 

Investment  in  Big  Ben  stock  pays  handsome 
dividends  and  there  is  no  danger  of  price  fluctua- 
tions. There's  a  profit  of for  you  on  every 

Big  Ben  you  sell. 

In  lots  of  12  to  24  Big  Ben  gets  free  trans- 
portation to  you.  Advertising  material  is  included 
with  an  order  for  one  dozen  or  more. 

Big  Ben  traffic  will  be  heavy  this  fall,  and 
if  you  want  your  share  of  the  business,  you  should 
place  your  order  now. 

Example  of  the  use  of  the  language  of  a  particular  class — 
railroad  men — pushed  to  the  limit.  This  letter  was  remarkably 
successful,  and  appealed  to  the  spirit  of  those  addressed.  It 
discusses  the  subject  from  the  standpoint  of  the  reader,  and  is 
full  of  the  "atmosphere"  to  which  the  reader,  not  the  writer,  is 
accustomed. 


20  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

letters  cannot  have  the  personal  touch  which  will  make 
them  alive  and  appealing. 


3.      A  Vi^ELL-CONSIDERED  PLAN 

A  letter  that  seeks  to  effect  a  sale,  to  collect  a  debt, 
to  convey  a  proposition,  is  foredoomed  to  failure,  unless 
it  be  framed  on  a  plan  elaborated  and  thought  out  in 
advance.  Such  phrases  as:  "We  have  no  doubt  that 
we  can  arrange  the  terms,"  "We  shall  be  obliged  to  take 
further  steps  unless  we  receive  a  remittance,"  "Let  us 
get  together  on  this  proposition,  some  time,"  evince  a 
lack  of  plan  in  the  mind  of  the  writer,  an  indecision, 
which  communicates  itself  to  the  reader — and  the  point 
of  contact  is  lost,  or  rather  is  never  established. 

In  the  preceding  section  the  need  of  avoiding  general- 
izations was  emphasized.  What  was  said  there  in  regard 
to  the  atmosphere  of  a  letter  applies  with  equal  force  to 
the  plan  of  the  letter.  If  it  does  not  begin,  continue,  and 
end  with  a  logically  developing  and  definitely  conceived 
description  and  offer,  together  with  the  requisite  selling 
argument,  or  with  a  proposition  definite  and  easy  to 
understand,  it  violates  the  rule  against  "generalizing," 
and  falls  far  short  of  the  practical  and  effective. 

A  letter,  again,  may  attractively  describe  the  goods 
offered  and  yet  may  fail  of  its  purpose,  because  it  stops 
short  of  suggesting  just  how  the  goods  should  appeal  to 
the  reader — that  is,  it  may  lack  persuasion,  the  personal 
application.  Or  it  may  utterly  fail  to  present  any 
special  inducement,  which  may  lie  in  the  price,  in  the 
terms  of  payment,  in  the  discounts,  in  the  premium 
accompanying  the  offer,  or  in  something  else  of  advan- 
tage to  the  customer. 

Or  again,  a  letter  may  contain  all  these  elements  and 


ATMOSPHERE   OF   BUSINESS  LETTERS  21 

may  still  be  ineffective  for  want  of  the  final  "clinching 
argument,"  such  as  that  the  offer  is  good  for  a  limited 
time  only,  or  that  it  is  limited  to  a  certain  number,  to 
be  sold  "while  they  last,"  or  that  the  price  is  shortly 
to  be  advanced,  or,  finally,  such  as  the  "Do  it  now!" 
suggestion. 

Each  of  these  elements  will  be  discussed  in  detail  later. 
It  is  sufficient  for  the  present  to  lay  down  the  principle 
that  the  plan  of  a  letter  must  definitely  embrace: 

1.  A  clear  proposal,  so  well  defined  and  so  easy  of 
understanding  that,  in  connection  with  a  description  of 
the  goods  offered,  etc.,  the  reader  will  feel  no  doubt 
whatever  regarding  its  applicability  to  himself.  This 
is  to  awaken  interest. 

2.  The  personal  element — the  persuasiveness  which 
shows  the  reader  why  lie  should  be  interested  in  your 
offer,  i.  e.,  the  advantage  of  your  offer  to  him  personally. 
This  is  to  awaken  desire. 

3.  Some  "inducement"  which  will  serve  to  increase 
desire  and  to  develop  it  into  decision  through  the  advan- 
tage shown  to  lie  in  taking  quick  action.  This  is  to 
induce  decision. 

4.  The  "clincher,"  the  telling  of  the  customer  what 
to  do  so  that  he  will  take  the  final  step,  sign  the  order, 
remit  the  money,  or  act  today.  This  is  the  "Do  it  now !" 
suggestion. 


CHAPTER  II 

THE  FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER 

The  writer  who  has  never  given  much  thought  to  the 
subject  of  making  his  sales  letters  effective  seems  usu- 
ally to  entertain  a  vague  impression  that  imagination 
is  out  of  place,  that  stereotyped  phraseology  is  an  evi- 
dence of  business  habits,  and  that  his  letters  should  be 
built  on  established  lines.  Woefully  wrong  as  are  the 
first  two  assumptions,  the  third  is  justified  in  the  sense 
that  every  letter  should  embody  certain  definite  elements, 
which  together  make  up  its  framework. 

We  have  already  seen  (pp.  12,  18)  how  greatly  imag- 
ination is  needed  in  a  business  letter,  and  how  ineffec- 
tive is  the  ordinary,  stereotyped  business  phraseology. 
But  see  also  on  this  subject  the  list  of  "Futile  Phrases" 
given  at  the  end  of  Chapter  III. 

We  have  now  come  to  the  point  of  considering  how  the 
idea  of  independence  of  thought  and  of  language  in 
a  business  letter  is  to  be  reconciled  with  the  statement 
made  above  that  letters  should  be  built  on  definite  lines, 
and  how  personality  is  to  be  injected  into  such  letters, 
as  it  may  be  into  conversation. 

There  is  a  real  distinction  between  following  definite 
lines  in  the  construction  of  a  letter,  and  using  estab- 
lished and  timeworn  phrases  to  hang  on  its  framework. 
Old  and  seasoned  planks  may  be,  and  often  are,  used  to 
sheathe  a  roof;  but  weatherworn  shingles  are  not  put 

22 


FRAMEWORK  OP  THE  SALES  LETTER        23 

on  to  form  the  roof.  So  with  timeworn  phrases.  But 
the  planks  which  go  to  form  the  framework  of  effective 
letters  nnist  be  of  at  least  four  kinds.  The  more  skil- 
fully these  are  made  to  dovetail,  the  one  with  the  other, 
the  better,  of  course.  They  may  be  enumerated  as 
follows : 

1.  An  opening  that  attracts  attention. 

2.  A  description  that  develops  interest. 

3.  Argument  and  persuasion  so  well  blended  as  to 
lead  the  reader  to  a  decision. 

4.  "Clinching"  that  decision  with  one  of  the  many 
reasons  for  urging  immediate  action — the  "Do  it  now  ! ' * 
closing  paragraph. 

We  shall  now  consider  these  in  their  order: 

1.      THE  OPENING 

It  will,  of  course,  be  understood  that  there  are  two 
kinds  of  sales  letters,  (1)  those  that  are  written  in  reply 
to  a  previous  inquiry  originating  with  the  customer, 
and  (2)  those  sent  out  as  original  proposals,  with  no 
previous  correspondence  behind  them. 

(a)  Bcplies  to  Previous  Letters  of  Inquiry. — In  let- 
ters of  this  class  it  is,  of  course,  necessary  to  refer  at 
the  beginning  to  the  inquiry  that  is  being  replied  to. 
On  the  other  hand,  such  a  reference,  if  made  as  the 
opening  sentence,  may  interfere  seriously  with  the 
attempt  to  make  a  striking  or  attention-creating 
opening.  One  way  of  avoiding  this  is  to  place  the  neces- 
sary reference  to  earlier  correspondence  outside  of  the 
body  of  the  letter  itself,  so  that,  like  the  date  line,  it 
is  a  part  of  the  letter  but  not  in  it.  There  are  two  com- 
mon practices  by  which  this  may  be  achieved:  (1)  by 
placing  it  to  the  right  of  the  sheet,  under  the  date  line. 


24  DETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

and  in  a  line  with  the  address;  or  (2)  by  writing  it 
in  the  center  of  the  sheet  in  line  with  the  salutation. 
The  choice  between  these  methods  will  usually  be  deter- 
mined by  the  question  whether  the  letter,  although 
written  to  a  firm  or  corporation,  is  to  be  addressed  to 
the  attention  of  some  particular  individual.  In  this  case, 
suggestion  No.  1  may  be  followed : 

No.  1. 

Chicago,   111.,  December  9,   1920 

The  Holtzer-Cabot  Electric   Co. 

6161  South  State  St.  Reference:      Your   letter 

Chicago,   111.  ERH/FL  Dec.    3,   1920 

Gentlemen:      Attention  of  Mr.   E.   R.   Harding 

Most  business  letters  now-a-days  bear  the  initials  of 
the  person  who  has  dictated  the  letter,  as  well  as  those 
of  the  stenographer,  thus:  JAP/RF.  It  is  a  simple 
matter  to  use  these,  along  with  the  date  of  the  letter 
itself,  as  a  means  of  identification,  when  making  refer- 
ence to  it.    This  has  been  done  in  No.  1  above. 

Or,  if  it  is  not  desired  to  address  the  letter  to  the 
attention  of  any  particular  individual,  the  following 
form,  which  also  makes  use  of  the  initials  of  the  writer 
and  the  stenographer,  may  be  followed : 

No.  2 

Chicago,  111.,  December  2,  1920 

The  Holtzer-Cabot  Electric  Co. 
6161  South  State  St. 
Chicago,  111, 

Gentlemen:   Reference  ERH/FL  Dec.  3,  1920 

Some  such  practice  as  this  serves  to  put  No.  2  just 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  25 

mentioned  on  a  par  with  No.  1  shown  above,  and  thus 
either  form  clears  the  way  for  the  actual  opening  of  the 
letter  itself,  unencumbered  with  references  to  previous 
correspondence  that  may  serve  to  distract  the  attention 
from  an  otherwise  forceful  beginning.  With  either  of 
these  forms  the  writer  is  free  to  frame  his  opening  as 
he  may  desire,  unencumbered  with  formalities  that  are 
nevertheless  needed  in  order  to  connect  what  is  about 
to  be  said  with  the  letter  to  which  it  refers. 

It  may  be  said,  in  passing,  that  whenever  possible, 
it  is  wise  to  head  a  letter  with  the  line  shown  in  No.  1 
above.  It  serves  to  give  a  personal  touch  that  usually 
predisposes  the  individual  who  receives  the  letter  to  a 
little  warmer  interest,  because  of  the  personal  element 
involved  in  such  an  introductory  line. 

No  matter  which  form  is  adopted,  however,  the  writer, 
by  means  of  either  one,  is  in  a  position  to  make  a  strong 
start,  freed  from  all  encumbrance  of  introductory  for- 
malities. And  right  here  he  must  be  on  his  guard  against 
the  conventional  opening  phrases  that  destroy  all  hope 
of  attracting  interest  and  attention:     "We  beg  to  call 

your  attention  to,"  "In  reply  to  yours  of ,  we  beg 

to  state,"  etc.  Some  of  the  worst  of  conventional 
phrases  of  this  sort  are  listed  at  the  end  of  this  chapter, 
and  should  be  carefully  studied  in  this  connection.  (See 
the  section  entitled  "Futile  Phrases.") 

It  is,  of  course,  perfectly  feasible  to  avoid  the  use  of 
either  of  the  foregoing  forms.  A  letter  may  well  make 
reference  to  former  correspondence  by  its  opening  sen- 
tence being  framed  as  follows: 


The    wireless    receivers    that   you   inquired 
about  in  your  letter  of  December  3  are  of  the  same 
resistance    as    those    in  use   by   the   Signal   Corps   of 
the  U.    S.   Army. 


26  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

By  this  means  you  connect  your  reader  with  his  pre- 
vious letter  to  you,  and  plunge  at  once  into  your  subject, 
making  use  of  some  such  sentence  as  that  employed  above 
to  gain  his  interest  at  the  start.  How  to  grip  the  inter- 
est must  be  decided  by  a  study  of  the  correspondent's 
letter,  from  which  can  be  deduced  what  it  is  that  he 
most  wishes  to  know,  A  suitable  and  appropriate  open- 
ing sentence  will  at  least  insure  an  interested  reading  of 
what  follows. 

Remember  at  the  very  outset  that,  in  writing  to  your 
prospect,  you  are  talking  to  him  on  a  business  propo- 
sition. He  is  probably  so  accustomed  to  the  tame  and 
fossilized  opening  that  one  differing  from  the  ordinary 
will,  of  itself,  serve  to  arrest  his  attention,  in  the  same 
manner  as  will  the  appearance  of  a  strange  and  unusual 
hat  on  the  head  of  a  stranger  on  a  fashionable  street. 
Beware,  however,  lest  in  your  attempt  at  originality, 
your  opening  be  bizarre  or  flippant,  which  may,  it  is 
true,  arrest  the  attention,  but  may  be  followed  by  re- 
sentment or  indignation  at  the  undue  familiarity  implied 
by  your  tone. 

There  are  as  many  ways  of  beginning  a  letter  as  there 
are  of  beginning  a  conversation,  but,  as  the  wise  sales- 
man tries  to  arouse  his  customer's  interest  before  talk- 
ing business,  so  must  the  writer  of  a  letter,  though  in 
briefer  manner.  On  p.  15  we  discussed  the  importance 
of  the  ''you"  element  in  letters,  and  it  is  discussed  at 
greater  length  below.  Here,  however,  is  where  the  ap- 
plication of  the  principle  begins.  This  means  that  your 
customer's  needs  or  tastes  or  desires  are  the  subjects 
that  will  interest  him  and  win  his  attention,  not  your 
wishes  or  hopes,  or  the  condition  of  your  business. 

Compare  the  opening  sentences  of  the  following  and 
note  the  difference  between  the  two: 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  27 

No.  1. 

In  pursuance  of  your  request  of  December  3, 
we  beg  to  enclose  herewith  our  illustrated  folder, 
showing  the  Equipoise  Telephone  Arm  in  a  variety 
of  forms.  If  you  will  look  it  over  and  let  us  know 
which  one  interests  you,  we  shall  take  pleasure 
in  filling  your  order  for  whatever  style  you 
may  desire. 

We  are  selling  the  Arm  in  large  numbers 
just  now,  and  we  are  confident  that  it  will  prove 
highly  satisfactory  to  you. 

Hoping  to  receive  your  valued  order, 
we  are,  etc. 

No.  2. 

It  is  evident  from  your  inquiry  about 
the  Equipoise  Telephone  Arm  that  you  are  one  of 
those  who  have  suffered  from  the  annoyance  of  the 
desk  phone.   Like  so  many  other  victims,  you  have 
probably  been  exasperated  by  the  twisted  cord 
dragging  through  your  papers,  and  upsetting  your 
ink-well.   And  the  phone  itself  got  in  your  way, 
didn't  it,  and  was  always  being  knocked  over  by 
your  elbow? 

Well,  here  is  a  device  that  offers  you  sure 
relief.   It  holds  the  phone  away  from  the  desk 
until  you  want  it;  when  a  touch  of  the  finger 
brings  it  into  position. 

Look  over  the  illustrated  circular  now 
sent  you.  It  shows  a  variety  of  ways  in  which  the 
Arm  can  be  attached  to  your  desk,  and  be  kept  out 
of  your  way.  Tell  us  what  sort  of  desk  you  have  and 
we  will  do  the  rest  for  you- -and  as  you  will  note, 
at  an  absurdly  low  price.   Your  troubles  are  over 
when  the  Arm  arrives  by  parcel  post,  ready  for  use. 

No.  1  is  of  the  perfunctory  sort,  and  if  it  results  in  a 
sale,  it  does  .so  simply  because  the  customer  intended  to 
buy,  anyhow.  Yet  it  is  a  form  of  letter  that  is  written 
every  day  by  the  thousands.  No.  2,  on  the  other  hand, 


28  DETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

strikes  a  sympathetic  chord  in  the  reader's  mind  at  the 
very  outset,  and  tends  to  interest  him  more  and  more,  as 
he  reads  on. 

Note,  too,  a  highly  important  difference  between  the 
two  letters.  In  No.  1  "  we  "  and  "  us "  are  the  dominant 
pronouns ;  the  writer  is  thrusting  Jiis  point  of  view  and 
his  experience  upon  the  prospect.  In  No.  2  the  "you" 
(the  prospective  customer)  predominates;  it  is  the 
reader's  experience  that  is  depicted,  the  reader's  relief 
that  is  suggested.  In  other  words,  the  reader  is  told 
something  that  he  wanted  to  know,  and  is  not  wearied 
and  annoyed  by  being  told  in  generalities  what  the 
writer  thinks  and  what  a  good  business  he  is  doing. 

Herein  lies  a  principle  of  the  highest  importance :  the 
necessity  of  giving  prominence  to  tlie  ''you/'  and  of 
keeping  the  ''we"  in  the  hackgroiind.  Bearing  in  mind 
what  was  said  above,  namely,  that  it  is  the  customer's 
needs  and  not  your  wishes  and  your  business  that  inter- 
est him,  the  "you"  element  is  necessary  to  arrest  his 
attention  and  to  awaken  and  retain  his  interest.  The 
ordinarj^  letter  ignores  this  principle.  Its  opening 
sentence  almost  invariably  contains  a  "we,"  and  the 
"we"  aspect  is  played  up  throughout.  Is  it  reasonable 
to  expect  the  reader  to  be  interested  in  that  ?  And  since 
he  certainly  is  not,  is  it  reasonable  to  expect  such  a  letter 
to  do  anything  towards  winning  him  over  ?  On  the  con- 
trary, it  kills  his  interest  from  the  start,  although,  as 
a  matter  of  fact,  his  interest  is  the  one  thing  you  want 
to  awaken. 

This,  then,  is  the  practical  way  of  making  your  open- 
ing attract  attention:  to  remember  that  your  prospect 
is  interested  in  himself,  in  his  own  affairs,  in  his  own 
needs,  in  his  own  advantage. 

If  this  principle  is  kept  in  mind,  it  will,  of  course, 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  20 

be  out  of  the  question  that  the  letter  should  begin  with 
any  of  the  stereotyped  phrases  which  too  often  char- 
acterize ordinary  business  letters.  Obviously,  if  the 
letter  is  to  open  with  the  "you"  spirit  uppermost,  it 
cannot  begin  with  phrases  such  as:  "In  reply  to  yours 
of  the  9th,  we  beg  to  advise  that,"  etc.  It  is  just  as 
easy — and  far  more  effective — to  convert  the  customary 
dead  pln*ase  into  a  living,  personal  one,  and  yet  to 
accomplish  the  necessary  reference  to  previous  corre- 
spondence, by  saying,  for  example :  ' '  The  type  of  motor 
that  you  are  interested  in,  and  about  which  you  inquire 
in  your  letter  of  the  7th,  is,"  etc.  Here  is  no  wasted 
formality,  and  the  reader  is  led  at  once  to  what  interests 
him  without  the  deadening  effect  of  getting  through 
preliminary  phraseology  that  tells  him  nothing. 

(&)  Original  Sales  Letters. — It  is,  of  course,  easier 
to  make  the  opening  of  reply  letters  interesting  by 
this  means  than  it  is  to  devise  interesting  openings  for 
sales  letters  which  address  the  prospect  without  his  hav- 
ing first  written  a  letter  of  inquiry. 

Aside  from  the  dignified,  quiet,  unemotional  form  of 
opening  such  as  is  illustrated  on  p.  27,  there  are  three 
kinds  of  opening  letters  which  have  the  hall-mark  of 
success.  One  of  these  is  the  interrogative  opening — 
asking  the  reader  a  direct  question  wnth  the  first  words. 
Another  is  the  declarative,  telling  him  some  fact  without 
any  preliminary.  The  third  is  the  "human  interest" 
opening. 

1.  llie  Interrogative  Opening. — This  form  is  illus- 
ti'atcd  on  p.  67,  Avhere  the  letter  begins  with  the  question : 
"Have  you  a  dollar  bill  in  your  pockctbook  *  *  * 
that  you're  not  particularly  fond  of?"  This  method 
carries  with  it  a  suggestion  of  familiarity,  which  is  not 
always  in  good  taste  or  appreciated  by  the  reader.     It 


30  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

is  easy  to  offend  by  being  too  personal — particularly 
when  one  is  addressing  a  prospect  with  whom  one  is  not 
acquainted.  Yet  this  method  of  arresting  attention  can 
be  made  highly  effective  if  care  is  taken  to  strike  just 
the  right  note  or  tone.  Let  us  here  turn  back  to  the  two 
openings  shown  on  p.  27.  Suppose  we  convert  No.  2 
into  an  interrogative  opening.  It  might  then  read  after 
this  fashion :  ' '  Have  YOU  suffered  from  the  annoyance 
of  having  your  desk  phone  cord  disturb  your  papers  and 
upset  the  inkwell?"  or,  "Haven't  you  suffered  long 
enough  from  the  annoyance  of  having  your  desk  phone, ' ' 
etc.,  or  yet  again:  "If  you  were  offered  a  device  that 
would  rid  you  of  the  desk  phone  nuisance,  wouldn't  you 
welcome  if?"  None  of  these  is  impertinent,  breezy,  or 
familiar  in  tone,  although  an.y  one  of  them  is  calculated 
to  arouse  interest  in  the  mind  of  the  properly  selected 
prospect.  The  point,  then,  is  that  the  interrogative 
form  of  opening  can  be  utilized  to  good  effect  if  its 
tone  is  regulated  to  suit  the  class  to  which  the  sales  letter 
is  to  be  sent. 

This  sort  of  opening  is  always  more  effective  when 
made  to  form  a  paragraph  by  itself. 

2.  The  Declarative  Opening. — In  order  to  arrest  the 
attention  this  should,  of  course,  be  forceful  and  positive 
in  making  some  brief  statement  of  fact,  and  the  state- 
ment must  be  so  chosen  as  to  strike  a  responsive  chord 
in  the  reader's  mind.  It,  too,  needs  to  be  adapted  to 
the  class  of  reader  to  whom  it  is  addressed.  The  open- 
ing of  No.  2  on  p.  27,  referred  to  in  the  preceding  para- 
graph, is  unemotional  and  dignified.  It  is  not,  how- 
ever, of  the  sort  commonly  meant  by  the  term  "declara- 
tive," although  it  is  actually  so,  grammatically  speak- 
ing. A  more  forceful  statement  is  usually  understood 
to  be  meant,  such,  for  example,  as :    "  Here  at  last  is  an 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  31 


I  was  sent  to  France  on  the  transport 

in  1917. 

Each  night,  while  crossing  the  Atlantic, 
all  lights  were  extinguished,  or  obscured  by 
covered  windows,  through  fear  that  they  might 
attract  a  torpedo  attack.   And  so,  perforce,  we 
often  had  to  grope  around  in  darkness  and 
discomfort. 

What  would  we  not  have  given  at  that  time 
had  we  been  able  to  make  use  of  an  electric  torch 
to  save  our  shins  in  the  gloom,  and  to  help  us  find 
our  way  to  cabin  doors! 

While  that  particular  experience  is  happily 
past  and  done  with,  each  of  us  finds  ourselves  at 
one  time  or  another  with  just  as  urgent  a  desire  for 
a  flashlight  guide  as  some  of  us  did  in  1917  on 
our  way  to  France.  We  go  into  the  back  yard  or  to 
the  basement;  the  car  breaks  down  in  the  dark 
country  road;  a  sudden  call  in  the  night  necessi- 
tates light,  but  to  turn  on  the  light  would  awaken 
others.  How  futile  it  is  at  that  moment  to  wish 
that  we  had  had  the  forethought  to  get  one! 

The electric  torch  meets  each  such 

a  need.  It  is  light  and  portable,  easily  carried  in 
the  pocket,  or  laid  under  the  pillow, 
(and  so  on) 

Example  of  a  letter  whose  opening  paragraph  utilizes  some 
current  event  to  interest  the  reader  and  which  connects  the 
opening  subject  with  the  real  sales  subject  of  the  letter. 


32  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

end  of  the  desk  phone  nuisance!"  or,  "You  need  relief 
from  the  desk  phone  nuisance — and  here  it  is!"  It  may 
be  felt  that  these  examples  just  given  border  rather 
dangerously  on  the  "breezy"  style  condemned  in  the 
preceding  paragraph.  Certainly  an  opening  sentence 
of  this  style  must  be  worded  with  a  full  understanding 
in  advance  of  the  mental  attitude  of  the  class  of  pros- 
pects to  be  addressed.  Such  phrases  as  those  given  are 
eft'ective  when  addressed  to  a  certain  type  of  reader; 
they  are  offensive  to  the  reader  of  another  type,  who  is 
jast  as  valuable,  if  you  can  secure  his  custom. 

A  "declarative"  opening  of  this  sort  may  be  made  to 
appeal  strongly  to  the  reader's  desire  for  economy  or 
money-saving.  A  letter  intended  to  sell  labor-saving 
devices,  as,  for  example,  a  washing  machine  or  a  vacuum 
cleaner ;  or  a  money-saver,  as,  for  example,  an  improved 
carburetor  or  a  new  form  of  electric  light  globe,  etc., 
might  well  open  with  the  declarative  statement:    "You 

have  paid  for  a  many  times  over — but  you 

have  never  had  it  delivered."  An  explanation  would 
follow,  of  course,  showing  how  money  spent  in  the  past 
on  costly  time  and  labor  would  have  paid  for  the  eco- 
nomical device  many  times  over. 

This  style  of  opening,  too,  is  more  effective  as  an  inter- 
est awakener  when  written  alone  as  the  opening  para- 
graph. 

3.  The  "Human  Interest"  Opening. — As  the  term 
implies,  this  sort  of  opening  is  calculated  to  awaken 
interest  at  the  same  time  that  it  attracts  attention. 
Indeed,  it  frequently  is  carried  over  to  the  entire  letter, 
and  colors  it  throughout.  There  are  so  many  keys  and 
tones  of  human  interest  that  its  use  can  be  illustrated  in 
a  general  way  only.  Illustrations  will  at  least  serve  to 
show  how  the  circumstances  of  any  proposed  sale  may 


FRAMEWORK  OP  THE  SALES  LETTER  33 


That  morning  cup  of  coffee!  You  are  not 
"much  good"  until  you  get  it,  are  you?  You  look 
forward  to  it  on  rising;  and  the  delicious  aroma 
that  reaches  you  while  it  is  being  prepared  serves 
only  to  intensify  your  pleasurable  anticipations. 
And  when  you  sit  down  expectantly  to  sip  the  steaming 
cup,  you  feel  you  will  soon  "be  yourself." 

What  a  disappointment  it  is,  then,  to  have 
to  swallow  a  dull  and  uninvigorating  fluid  that 
belies  its  aroma,  and  produces  none  of  the  inspirit- 
ing and  delightful  effects  that  you  looked  forward 
to! 

The  trouble  lies  in  the  brand.  Unwisely 
chosen,  your  coffee  is  good  only  by  chance,  by  good 
luck.  Too  often,  luck  is  against  you,  and  it's  poor! 

Still,  that's  easily  remedied.   "The  brand's 
the  thing!"  Get  the  right  brand,  and  you  are  sure 
of  a  real  cup  of  coffee  365  mornings  in  the  year, 
(and  so  on) 

A  sample  opening  for  a  letter  containing  a  human-interest 
appeal  to  the  appetites,  which,  when  addressed  to  the  right  class 
of  individuals,  is  calculated  to  awaken  interest  in  what  the 
letter  has  to  offer. 


34  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

be  taken  advantage  of  by  a  thoughtful  letter  writer  to 
turn  the  reader's  interest  in  a  general  subject  of  news, 
or  the  like,  into  a  channel  which  will  lead  him  to  the 
subject  the  writer  has  at  heart. 

Briefly,  this  method  involves  an  appeal  to  the  preju- 
dices, the  passions,  the  affections,  the  vanities,  the 
emotions,  the  interests,  entertained  by  the  different 
groups  which  make  up  a  community  of  society  in  gen- 
eral. For  instance,  an  appeal  to  the  appetites  is  illus- 
trated in  the  letter  on  p.  33.  Written  to  the  "lady  of 
the  house,"  this  sort  of  letter  tends  to  awaken  and 
hold  her  interest  through  the  appeal  to  her  desires. 

Again,  "human  interest"  is  successfully  invoked  by 
reference  to  a  well-known  or  important  occurrence  which 
has  no  direct  connection  with  the  product  offered,  but 
is  skilfully  adapted  in  its  application  to  it.  Note  the 
illustration  in  which  reference  is  made  to  crossing  the 
Atlantic  during  the  period  when  the  torpedoing  of 
vessels  by  the  enemy  was  at  its  height,  or  the  one  in 
which  the  "old  gentleman"  of  the  Patent  Office  (see  p. 
36)  is  made  to  serve  as  the  opening  subject. 

Or,  once  again,  the  appeal  may  be  to  the  common 
human  instincts,  for  example,  that  of  fear.  Note  the 
illustration  of  this  in  the  letter  suggesting  possible 
blindness,  and  the  means  by  which  it  may  be  prevented. 

This  sort  of  human  interest  tone  may  characterize 
the  beginning  of  the  letter  alone,  or  it  may  color  the 
letter  as  a  whole.  It  may  be  made  to  serve  as  a  means 
of  getting  attention  only,  or  it  may  be  carried  on  into  the 
body  of  the  letter  as  a  further  means  of  exciting  interest 
and  of  stimulating  desire.  We  shall  come  to  these  latter 
elements  later  on,  but  it  is  worth  while  to  note  that  the 
*' human  interest"  element  is  capable  of  as  many  shades 
of  flexibility  and  of  adaptability  as  there  are  emotions  to 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  35 


How  about  your  eyes? 

Do  you  suffer  from  stinging  pains,  from 
fiery  balls  crossing  your  line  of  vision,  from 
dull  globes  that  obstruct  the  sight? 

If  you  do,  only  glasses  will  save  you  from 
ultimate  blindness. 

(and  so  on) 

Type  of  opening"  appealing  to  the  emotions  (of  fear,  of  self- 
interest,  etc.)  of  the  reader,  as  a  basis  for  the  sales  argument  to 
follow  in  the  body  of  the  letter. 


36  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


The  old  gentleman  who  resigned  from  the 
Patent  Office  in  1886  because,  as  he  said,  every- 
thing had  been  invented,  had  nothing  on  the  most 
of  us. 

There  are  times  when  we  all  begin  to  feel 
that  mechanical  equipment  is  about  as  perfect  as 
man  can  make  it. 

Take  lubrication,  for  instance.   In  spite 
of  the  thousands  of  dollars  wasted  in  furnishing  six 
ounces  of  oil  to  a  bearing  that  needs  only  one, 
production  men  are  satisfied--until,  of  course, 
someone  comes  along  and  shows  them  where  500  per 
cent  can  be  saved. 

Making  production  men  dissatisfied  with  their 
lubrication  equipment  is  our  business.  Here  is  a  new 
kind  of  Bolshevism  that  pays  all  around, 
(and  so  on) 

Illustration  of  a  "narrative"'  or  "human  interest"  opening, 
which  succeeds  in  awakening  the  interest,  prior  to  the  explana- 
tion and  description,  which,  of  course,  follow  the  part  of  the 
letter  shown  above. 


FRAMEWORK  OP  THE   SALES  LETTKll  37 

tippeal  to,  or  illustrative  circumstances  to  refer  to.  It  is 
as  effective  with  the  serious  business  man  as  with  the 
society  debutante  or  the  clerk — provided  always  the 
nature  of  the  "human  interest"  tone,  and  the  subject 
chosen,  are  adapted  to   tlic  prospect. 

But  no  matter  what  style  of  opening  you  may  think 
appropriate  for  a  given  case,  it  should  never  be  for- 
gotten that  your  prospect  is  not  paid  to  read  your 
letter,  and  will  do  so  only  if  it  interests  him.  If  you 
know  the  buying  motives  to  which  you  ought  to  appeal 
in  a  given  elass  of  prospects,  and^  if  you  know  your 
subject  thoroughly,  you  do  not  need  to  be  startling  or 
dramatic  in  your  opening,  just  for  the  fun  of  being 
original.  Your  style  of  opening  has  got  to  suit  the 
style  of  prospect.  But  in  any  case  you  do  need  to  be 
interesting — your  opening  must  catch  the  attention. 
^Vhat  will  interest  your  reader  must  be  the  criterion 
by  which  you  will  decide  how  to  begin. 

2.     THE   DESCRIPTION 

Here,  again,  the  "you"  element  must  be  played  up. 
It  is  not  enough  to  give  your  prospect  a  full,  even  a 
minute,  description  of  the  article  you  wish  to  sell  him. 
In  the  abstract,  the  Telephone  Arm  may  be  a  perfect 
device,  mechanically ;  it  may  be  made  so  strong  that  it 
cannot  be  broken  or  worn  out ;  it  may  be  so  attractive 
in  appearance  as  to  be  really  an  ornamental  addition  to 
the  desk;  its  manufacture  may  be  covered  by  patents; 
it  may  even  be  the  only  device  of  its  kind  on  the  market. 
But  to  all  but  a  few  these  are  merely  abstract  facts  that 
have  little  or  no  personal  application,  and,  as  we  have 
seen,  it  is  the  point  of  contact  with  the  needs  or  the 
advantage  of  the  prospect  that  must  be  sought  for.     If 


47114 


38  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

it  is  possible  to  show  him  how  an  Arm  will  relieve  him 
from  his  previous  annoyances,  change  his  exasperation 
into  satisfaction,  make  routine  easier  and  desk  work  less 
burdensome,  it  is  certain  that  he  will  feel  the  personal 
appeal,  while  all  the  arguments  regarding  mechanical 
perfection,  attractive  design,  etc.,  may  awaken  no  re- 
sponsiveness whatever. 

Here,  then,  is  the  practical  application  of  the  principle 
discussed  on  p.  18,  namely,  the  necessity  of  knowing  the 
point  of  view  of  your  prospect — whether  he  be  a  private 
individual  or  a  merchant — and  of  establishing  a  psycho- 
logical contact  with  him,  just  as  you  would  in  conver- 
sation. 

Turn  again,  now,  to  the  contrasted  samples  of  letters 
given  on  p.  27.  In  the  light  of  what  has  been  said, 
compare  the  language  of  No.  1,  noting  well  the  under- 
scored words  in  each: 


We  are  sending  you  our  folder,   showing  the 
Arm  in  a  variety  of  forms.     If  you  will  look  it  over 
and  let  us  know  which  one  appeals  to  you,  we  shall 
take  pleasure  in  filling  your  order.     We  are 
selling  the  Arm  in  large  numbers,   and  are  confident 
that  it  will  prove  highly  satisfactory, 

with  that  of  No.  2 : 

It  is  evident  that  you  are  one  of  those  who 
have  suffered  from  the  annoyance  of  the  desk  phone; 
you  have  probably  been  exasperated,  etc.  Here  is 
a  device  that  offers  you  sure  relief. 
Tell  us  what  sort  of  desk  you  have  and  we  will  do 
the  rest  for  you .. 

Aside  from  the  question  of  the  "we"  and  the  ''you" 
element,  note  the  utter  absence  of  salesmanship  in  No. 
1,  in  that  there  is  no  effort  made  to  sell;  note  the  lack 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER        39 

of  all  description,  and  observe  the  manner  in  which  the 
prospect  is  referred  to  the  circular  for  all  that  he  might 
l)e  interested  in  knowing.  Then  note  how,  in  No.  2, 
the  prospect's  condition  of  mind  is  divined  and  sj'm- 
pathetically  referred  to,  and  the  description  of  the  de- 
\'ice  is  such  as  to  make  it  clear  tvhy  it  will  benefit  him. 
Thus  the  personal  element — the  "you"  element — blends 
with  the  description,  so  that  the  latter  will,  in  its  turn,^ 
Mwaken  interest. 

The  principle  to  be  noted  is,  then,  that  the  description 
must  be  such  as  to  develop  an  interest  on  the  part  of 
the  reader  in  the  thing  described.  And  this  can  be  done 
only  when  he  is  shown  why  the  thing  should  appeal  to 
him,  how  it  can  be  serviceable  to  liim,  and  in  what  man- 
ner it  will  contribute  to  his  advantage  or  to  his  com- 
fort. Observe,  too,  that  this  is  not  to  be  accomplished 
by  bludgeon  blows.  He  is  not  to  be  told :  "We  are  now 
going  to  describe  this  thing  to  you  and  show  you  why 
you  should  be  interested."  It  is  to  be  done  subtly,  by 
means  of  the  appeal  to  his  personal  environment,  to  his 
own  advantage  or  satisfaction.  And  from  this  sort  of 
appeal  he  is  to  be  left  to  infer  something — his  imagina- 
tion is  to  be  played  on. 

Thus  a  very  few  words  will  sometimes  suffice  to  con- 
vey description  through  suggestion — and  the  awakened 
imagination  will  do  the  rest.  The  following  are  examples 
of  sentences  that  describe  just  sufficiently  to  start  the 
imagination  to  working: 


Thick,  creamy  chocolate  coverings,  containing  tempting  fill- 
ings of  jelly,  nougat,  caramel,  nut,  and  other  delightful 
flavors. 

These  cigars  combine  mildness  with  full  flavor.  They  are 
designed  to  make  every  smoker  smile  \\i'A\  comfort  and 
enjoyment. 


40  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Pineapple — the  golden,  luscious  kind — makes  a  delicious 
dessert,  tempting  ices,  gratifying  sherbets  and  fruit 
cups. 

These  shoes  need  no  "breaking  in" — they're  just  solid  com- 
fort from  the  first  moment  when  you  put  them  on. 

When  mother  shoos  the  players  off  to  bed,  someone  is  sure 
to  exclaim:     "Who  turned  the  clock  ahead?" 

People  look  at  your  face  when  they  speak  to  you;  at  your 
mouth  when  you  reply.  Do  justice  to  your  skin  and  your 
teeth  by  using  both  of  these  Colgate  Comforts. 

Our  jams  give  you  that  "more-ish"  feeling.  And  they  make 
your  mouth  water. 


These  are  simply  examples,  picked  at  random,  of 
possible  description  which  relies  on  the  imagination  of 
the  reader.  If  your  suggestion  is  apt  and  appropriate, 
he  will  himself  visualize  the  effect  that  the  goods  will 
produce  for  him  personally.  This  is  a  subtle  method 
which,  if  skilfully  employed,  will  go  much  farther  in 
stimulating  interest  than  a  mere  description  of  details 
can  ever  accomplish. 

After  all,  what  is  the  object  of  description?  Clearly 
it  would  not  be  of  much  importance  if  it  did  not  serve 
to  interest  the  prospect  in  the  product.  Thus  it  is 
obvious  that  the  description  must  be  made  interesting 
to  tlie  prospect.  No  customer  can  be  expected  to  buy 
until  he  is  interested.  And  in  trying  to  effect  a  sale 
by  means  of  a  letter,  it  is,  of  course,  impossible  to 
interest  the  reader  without  some  sort  of  description.  The 
words  ''some  sort"  are  used  advisedly,  and  we  shall  now 
explain  why. 

We  have  repeatedly  emphasized  the  necessity  of  know- 
ing every  detail  of  a  commodity  before  it  can  be  offered 
effectively  to  purchasers,  and  it  is  here  that  the  point 
of  this  becomes  most  evident.  Clearly,  what  will  inter- 
est   one    class    of   persons   will    not    appeal    to    others, 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  41 

although  the  product  offered  be  the  same  in  both  cases. 
The  Equipoise  Telephone  Arm,  for  instance,  commends 
itself  to  the  bed-ridden  cripple  for  reasons  wholly  dif- 
ferent from  those  that  interest  the  office  man.  To  the 
cripple,  the  fact  that  it  makes  the  telephone  accessible 
without  exertion  is  the  interesting  feature ;  the  business 
man  is  chiefly  concerned,  perhaps,  with  the  fact  that 
the  device  keeps  his  telephone  out  of  the  way,  and  re- 
moves all  risk  of  the  disturbance  of  papers,  etc.,  when 
it  is  used.  Thus  discrimination  must  be  used  in  choos- 
ing the  features  to  be  described  to  the  class  of  prospect 
to  be  appealed  to,  and  an  intirnate  familiarity  with  the 
article  will  alone  make  this  possible.  It  is,  also,  just  as 
necessary  to  avoid  phases  of  the  subject  that  will  not 
interest  your  prospect  as  it  is  to  choose  those  that  will. 
Description  is  worth  while  only  when  it  serves  to  interest 
a  prospective  customer.  And  only  those  features  or 
details  tliat  will  interest  the  man  you  are  writing  to  are 
those  which  should  be  described  to  him.  To  be  able  to 
select  appropriate  features  to  describe  to  one  class  of 
prospects,  and  to  stress  others  when  appealing  to  another 
class,  and  yet  to  be  able  to  sell  the  same  article  to  each 
class,  requires  good  judgment,  of  course ;  but  it  requires 
above  all  a  knowledge  of  the  article  itself  thorough 
enough  to  make  such  discrimination  possible. 

The  trained  salesman  knows  that  he  must  sell  his 
article  to  the  country  trade  by  using  talking  points  dif- 
ferent from  those  he  uses  with  the  city  merchant.  The 
sales  letter-writer  must  have  the  same  perception  and 
must  frame  his  letters  on  the  same  principles. 

But  this  is  not  all,  by  any  means.  Hoio  shall  the 
description  be  framed  so  as  to  make  it  interesting? 
That,  after  all,  is  the  main  question,  and  it  calls  for 
imagination  as  well  as  the  knowledge  of  the  "talking 


42  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

points"  of  which  we  have  just  spoken.  There  is  not 
much  difficulty  in  dccidinfr  which  of  the  two  descrip- 
tions following  is  more  likely  to  seize  on  the  imagination 
and  awaken  the  desire  to  buy. 

No.  1 

The  Equipoise  Arm  is  made  of  cold-drawn 
steel,  handsomely  finished.   It  can  be  fastened  to 
the  wall  above  the  bed  or  at  its  side,  so  as  to  make 
it  possible  to  bring  it  into  position  without 
exertion.  It  thus  becomes  accessible  to  anyone 
reclining  there. 

No.  2 

You  never  know!  Some  day,  you  or  your  loved 
one  may  be  lying  in  bed,  injured  or  sick.  Then  it 
is  that  weariness,  pain,  or  simple  lonesomeness,  or 
perhaps  business  cares,  add  their  weight  to  the 
leaden  passage  of  the  weary  hours.  The  desire  for 
an  opportunity  of  talking  to  someone  "on  the  out- 
side" becomes  overpowering.  Too  sick  to  make  the 
exertion  of  moving;  the  body  unable  to  turn  to  lift 
the  telephone  from  the  table  at  the  bedside,  the 
invalid  naturally  frets  and  grows  increasingly 
lonesome  as  the  hours  pass. 

What  a  relief  it  would  be  merely  to  lift  the 
arm  and  with  a  touch  of  the  finger  cause  the  telephone 
to  swing  lightly  into  such  a  position  that  you 
could  use  it  without  effort  or  strain! 

The  Equipoise  Telephone  Arm  makes  this 
possible.  It  brings  the  outside  world  to  the  bed- 
side- -and  without  an  effort.  It  demands  no 
impossible  exertion,  no  exercise  of  strength  that 
is  not  possessed. 


The  first  of  these  examples  is  not  very  likely  to  appeal 
to  anyone  interested  in  an  invalid,  present  or  prospec- 
tive. It  cannot,  indeed,  be  said  to  have  anything  inter- 
esting in  it.  Yet  it  is  the  sort  of  description  most  likely 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER        43 

to  be  written  bj'  the  unthinking — because  it  requires 
little  or  no  thought. 

It  is,  then,  necessary  to  exercise  the  imagination  in 
describing  your  product  in  a  manner  adapted  to  the  need 
of  the  prospective  customer.  And  it  is  always  possible 
to  figure  this  out,  in  a  general  way,  when  the  class  of 
prospects  is  determined  upon.  For  we  know,  in  a  gen- 
eral way,  that  specific  classes  of  human  beings  possess 
tastes,  habits,  ideals  and  prejudices  in  common,  and  that 
the  individuals  of  the  class  can  be  counted  on  to  show 
substantially  the  same  reaction  to  an  appeal  accurately 
and  skilfully  adapted  to  tlie  characteristic  reactions  of 
the  class. 

It  is  suggested  that  the  reader  should  here  refer  again 
to  what  is  said  on  p.  18  about  the  need  of  imagination 
and  the  manner  in  which  it  should  be  exercised,  in 
describing  the  product. 

It  may  often  happen  that  the  giving  of  an  adequate 
description  would  prove  so  lengthy  an  affair  as  to 
obscure  and  weaken  the  sales  argument  of  the  letter.  A 
very  practical  method  of  combining  lengthy  descriptive 
features  with  a  sales  letter  is  to  print,  on  the  back  of 
the  letter  itself,  an  attractive  (and  illustrated,  if  desired) 
description  of  the  product  offered  in  the  letter.  In  the 
body  of  the  letter,  in  connection  with  a  sales  talk,  the 
reader  is  requested  to  turn  to  the  other  side  of  the  sheet 
for  a  more  minute  description,  and  if  the  references  to 
the  product  in  the  letter  itself  are  made  sufficiently 
interesting,  the  reader  may  be  counted  on  to  complj^ 
with  the  suggestion,  especially  if  it  is  accompanied  by 
the  further  suggestion  that  he  will  find  there  something 
to  interest  him.  This  method  has  the  advantage  of  first 
awakening  an  interest  by  a  lively  sales  talk  in  the  letter, 
and  of  then  supplementing  the  latter  by  the  description 


44  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

on  the  other  side  of  the  sheet.  There  is  always  the  fact 
to  be  borne  in  mind  that  such  descriptive  matter,  if  sent 
out  in  any  other  printed  form,  runs  a  far  greater  risk 
of  landing  in  the  waste-basket — that  haven  of  wasted 
advertising  matter — than  it  does  when  forming  practi- 
cally a  part  of  a  sales  letter.  (See,  further,  on  this  sub- 
ject, pp.  56,  100-102.) 

3.      EXPLANATION,  ARGUMENT,  AND  PERSUASION 

Up  to  this  point  in  the  construction  of  the  letter,  we 
have  seen  that  the  first  step  involves  arresting  the 
attention ;  that  the  next  step  is  to  awaken  in  the  reader 's 
mind  an  interest  in  the  thing  proposed  or  offered.  This 
is,  of  course,  only  the  beginning  of  the  course  over  which 
it  is  proposed  to  lead  him. 

The  third  step  is  to  develop  the  interest  by  such  an 
arresting  and  attractive  explanation  of  the  proposition 
that  it  will  naturally  awaken  desire  for  what  is  laid 
before  him  by  your  word  picture.  A  certain  amount  of 
argument,  skilfully  blended  with  persuasion,  must 
necessarily  follow,  with  the  thought  ever  present  in  your 
mind  that  the  final  persuasive  drive  must  have  the  defi- 
nite object  of  bringing  the  reader  to  a  decision.  This 
will  prove  to  be  not  so  complicated  a  process  as  it  sounds, 
provided  always  that  the  principle  discussed  above  be 
kept  in  mind,  that  is,  that  a  letter  should  be  regarded  as 
in  the  nature  of  a  written  conversation.  In  conversa- 
tion, these  different  stages  in  leading  the  prospect  up 
to  a  sale  are  reached  logically  and  smoothly  and  natur- 
ally, each  dovetailing  into  the  other.  And  so  it  can  be, 
in  the  case  of  a  written  letter,  if  the  writer  will  visualize 
himself  as  talking  to  the  prospect. 

While  it  is  proposed  to  consider  separately  the  three 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  45 

subjects  named  at  the  head  of  this  section,  it  should  be 
explained  beforehand  that  they  are  not  separate  and 
distinct  in  the  sense  of  each  having  its  definite  place  in 
the  scheme  of  the  letter.  Each  should  blend  with  the 
other,  imperceptibly  and  naturally,  as  is,  of  course,  the 
ease  in  conversation.  And  the  writer  who  has  learned  to 
make  good  use  of  "style,"  and  of  good  English 
(see  p.  77),  will  find  that  it  has  its  fullest  use  at  this 
stage. 

1.  Explanation. — This  term,  which  is  used  for  want 
of  a  better  one,  means,  in  brief,  the  giving  of  a  word- 
picture  of  the  proposition,  whether  it  be  a  sale  of  goods 
or  a  sale  of  service  that  is  proposed.  Here  will  appear 
the  force  of  the  principle  insisted  on  above  (pp.  11-15), 
that  one  must  know  one's  proposition  inside  out.  Word- 
pictures  cannot  be  painted  without,  first,  a  command 
of  good  English ;  without,  next,  a  knowledge  of  detail ; 
and  without,  finally,  the  artist's  eye  with  which  to 
visualize  the  effect  of  the  whole.  And  to  convert  your 
picture  into  words  that  will  convey  your  visualization 
to  the  minds  of  others — that  is  an  art  requiring  much 
thought  and  study.  You  cannot  afford  to  approach  this 
phase  of  the  work  superficially  or  hurriedly. 

Explanation,  in  practice,  is  to  be  addressed  to  two 
classes ;  those  who  know  nothing  about  the  product,  and 
those  who  know  about  it  in  a  general  w^a}^  but  need 
particulars,  or  need  to  be  impressed  with  the  superi- 
ority of  your  product  over  that  of  similar  kinds  on  the 
market.  In  the  first  case  every  detail  has  to  be  told 
that  is  necessary  for  the  purpose  in  view — and  he  is 
an  artist  who  can  judge  unerringly  what  these  are,  in 
every  instance.  In  the  second  case  the  word-picture 
is  of  a  different  sort,  for  here  the  high  lights  are  painted 
in — the  points  of  superiority  of  your  product  over  others 


46  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

of  the  same  general  kind  being  the  chief  subject  of 
interest. 

Explanation,  of  course,  extends  beyond  mere  descrip- 
tive detail.  It  involves  description  of  the  goods  and 
such  explanation  of  their  uses,  their  application,  their 
desirability,  their  superiority,  etc.,  as  will  form  the  word 
picture  necessary  to  interest  the  prospect. 

In  the  matter  of  explanation,  too  man}^  letters  lose 
their  effectiveness  because  the  writer  has  the  mistaken 
impression  that  he  must  make  his  story  "short."  The 
theory  that  business  letters  must  be  short  has  almost 
reached  the  dignity  of  a  law  in  most  business  offices; 
and  this  is  commonly  thought  to  apply  to  all  letters  alike. 
IMany  grievous  mistakes  have  been  committed  in  the 
name  of  this  spurious  "law,"  and  many  serious  losses 
have  resulted  from  its  observance.  There  is  too  often  a 
grievous  misapprehension  of  what  is  involved  in  the 
observance  of  the  "Five  C's"  of  business  letters,  i.  e., 
Clearness,  Correctness,  Conciseness,  Courtesy,  and 
Character. 

Let  it  be  understood  at  once  that  a  "brief"  letter  is 
not  necessarily  a  "short"  letter.  Among  the  definitions 
given  by  Webster  of  each  of  these  words,  we  have 
selected  the  following,  as  serving  to  emphasize  our 
point : 

Brief,  concise. 

Short,     inadequate,     deficient,    defective,    imperfect,    abrupt, 
petulant.- 

If  we  apply  these  definitions  to  the  situation  we  are 
considering,  it  will  be  clear  that  while  a  letter  may  be — 
and  ought  to  be — hrief,  i.  e.,  concise;  a  short  letter  is 
one  to  be  avoided  under  all  circumstances.  In  plain 
English,  the  only  meaning  that  this  supposed  "law" 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  47 

lias  for  US  is  that  a  letter  should  be  concise,  using  no 
unnecessary  words.  But  there  is  no  absolute  limit  to 
be  set  as  the  allowable  length  of  a  business  letter.  Four, 
five,  six  pages,  if  needed  in  order  to  tell  the  story  ade- 
quately, are  infinitely  more  effective  than  a  letter  in 
which  the  desirable  details  are  omitted  for  brevity's 
sake.  Lengthy  letters,  if  correctly  framed  and  interest- 
ingly written,  will  be  read  as  readily  as  those  of  one 
page  or  less — often  more  readily — even  as  a  story  of 
five  or  six  pages  will  be  read — if  it  interests  the  reader. 
This  is  the  only  test.  For  the  purposes  of  adequate 
explanation,  therefore,  the  length  of  a  letter  ought  never 
to  be  arbitrarily  restricted. 

On  the  other  hand,  many  a  sale  has  beerf  killed  by  too 
much  talking — or  writing.  The  problem  is  to  say 
enough,  and  no  more  than  enough.  It  would  obviously 
be  fatal  to  omit  a  feature  or  a  fact  that  you  feel  sure 
would  appeal  strongly  to  your  prospect  merely  because 
the  inclusion  of  it  would  extend  your  letter  beyond  a 
single  page.  It  would  be  equally  fatal  to  include 
features  which,  however,  interesting  to  someone  else, 
have  no  interest  for  your  reader,  or  to  continue  to  ex- 
plain or  argue  or  persuade  after  you  have  said  enough 
to  convince  him.  Remember  that  his  only  means  of  .shut- 
ting you  off  is  to  stop  reading  your  letter.  But  this  is 
so  easy  for  him  to  do,  that  the  moment  you  begin  to 
suspect  that  he  would  stop,  you  had  better  anticipate 
him  b}^  stopping  yourself. 

The  task  at  this  stage  is,  then,  to  develop  the  interest 
which  the  opening  part  of  the  letter  will  have  aroused. 
With  the  removal  of  the  bugaboo  that  the  sales  letter 
must  be  limited  to  one  page,  there  is  less  difficulty  in 
realizing  that  the  explanation  required  for  this  purpose 
is  one  that  is  thorough  enough  to  cause  the  awakened 


48  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

interest  to  be  sustained  and  developed,  as  the  story  pro- 
gresses. Just  how  this  is  to  be  done,  Avhether  by  a  long 
or  by  a  short  explanation,  is  a  question  of  judgment  and 
depends  on  circumstances,  of  course — especially  on  the 
general  characteristics  of  the  class  of  prospects  appealed 
to.  In  view  of  the  fact  that  it  is  the  prospect's  interest 
that  is  involved,  the  explanation  must  be  given  from  the 
standpoint  of  a  purchaser,  not  from  that  of  a  seller. 

For  example,  if  we  use  the  same  illustration  of  the 
Telephone  Arm  that  we  made  use  of  above  (p.  27),  it  is 
not  so  much  a  question  of  the  high  grade  of  material  of 
which  it  is  constructed,  or  of  its  appearance,  but  of  what 
it  will  do  for  Jiim,  how  it  can  be  fixed  to  his  desk,  his 
bed,  his  easy,  chair,  or  to  the  floor,  how  it  will  meet  his 
needs  in  every  situation,  how  it  will  save  his  temper, 
how  it  will  spare  him  the  annoyance  of  having  someone 
disturb  his  desk  when  using  his  phone.  Details  such 
as  these  constitute  an  explanation  that  will  lead  him 
through  the  different  degrees  of  interest  to  the  point 
where  he  is  conscious  of  a  desire  for  the  device.  And 
that  is  the  function  of  explanation. 

As  a  rule  it  is  wiser  to  defer  the  mention  of  the  price 
until  the  desirability  or  the  effectiveness  of  the  product 
have  been  made  sufficiently  impressive. 

Sometimes  the  question  of  how  best  to  present  the 
detail  of  price  will  require  considerable  thought.  To 
the  true  salesman  price  itself  is  not  so  important  a  con- 
sideration as  is  the  reason  for  the  price.  If  the  product 
is  justifiably  offered  at  a  figure  higher  than  the  price  of  a 
competing  product,  the  reason  for  this  must  be  found  in 
its  higher  quality,  its  greater  effectiveness,  its  longer  life, 
etc.  In  short,  it  must  be  shown  to  possess  qualities 
which  the  cheaper  product  does  not  possess,  and  which 
make  it  w^orth  more.     To  one  who  knows  his  business. 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  49 

therefore,  the  mere  fact  that  his  product  costs  more 
than  the  other  fellow's  is  never  a  matter  of  concern, 
provided  he  can  point  to  quality  and  greater  usefulness 
as  reasons.  The  principle  underlying  the  difference  in 
value  between  a  .^500  flivver  and  a  $5,000  high-powered 
car  is  so  palpable,  as  to  call  for  no  discussion.  The  prin- 
ciple is  equally  applicable  in  less  obvious  cases,  where 
explanation  of  the  reason  for  the  higher  price  is  perhaps 
called  for. 

The  opposite  is  true  where  the  price  is  lower  than 
that  of  the  competing  product.  In  this  case  the  price  is 
an  inducement,  and  is  accordingly  made  a  feature  of 
prominence.  But  unless  this  is  properly  done,  it  may 
fail  to  interest,  because  of  the  natural  suspicion  that  a 
low  price  argues  poor  quality.  Here,  then,  the  reason  is 
again  an  important  element  in  the  explanation.  This 
may  be  found  in  quantity  production,  as  having  lowered 
the  manufacturing  cost,  in  the  fortunate  purchase  of 
a  bankrupt  stock,  in  the  desire  to  close  out  an  entire 
line,  etc.  Whatever  the  reason,  it  must  be  convincing — 
the  elements  of  a  real  bargain  must  be  showTi  to  be 
present. 

2.  Argument  and  Proof. — We  have  already  urged 
the  wisdom  of  the  policy  of  telling  only  the  truth.  Here 
is  Avhere  this  policy  counts  most  surely.  Sincerity  is 
more  convincing  than  good  grammar  or  a  wide  vocabu- 
lary, and  infinitely  more  effective  than  the  most  elabo- 
rately told  untruth.  The  conviction  to  be  striven  for 
is  a  state  of  mind  in  which  confidence,  belief,  reason, 
take  the  place  of  ignorance,  disbelief,  indifference,  or 
uncertainty.  The  customer  is  led  to  reason  himself 
into  the  belief  that  your  goods  are  adapted  to  his  use 
and  that  he  needs  them,  and  that  since  they  have  given 
satisfaction  to  others  under  circumstances  similar  to  his, 


50  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

they  will  also  satisfy  him.  This  conviction  is  founded 
on  the  production  of  satisfactory  proof  of  some  kind. 
But  eon^^ction  alone  does  not  effect  a  sale.  I  may  be 
convinced  that  your  product  is  the  best  on  the  market, 
but  if  I  don't  desire  it,  I  don't  buy. 

A  full  description  of  a  fire  engine  may  be  given  me, 
even  to  its  minutest  part,  and  may  be  couched  in  the 
language  commanded  by  a  "  silver-tongued ' '  orator.  You 
may  ' '  prove ' '  to  me  that  it  is  the  most  efficient  machine 
of  its  kind  that  is  procurable.  But  unless  j^ou  can  show 
me  that  I  need  that  fire  engine  or  can  benefit  in  some 
way  by  becoming  its  possessor,  I  shall  not  buy  it — I 
shall  not  even  desire  it  for  my  own.  Thus  description 
of  the  product  and  proof  of  the  truth  of  the  description 
are  not  enough  to  make  me  buy.  It  is  necessary  that 
I  be  made  to  desire  the  article.  And  this  can  be  accom- 
plished only  by  showing  me  how  I  shall  gain  something 
by  acquiring  it:  either  profit,  economy,  satisfaction, 
comfort,  enjoyment  or  gratification,  etc.  Thus  "proof," 
mentioned  above,  embraces  this  element — proof  of  what 
the  product  will  do  for  wie,  proof  of  what  gratification 
it  wall  give  me,  if  I  buy  it. 

Once  more,  then,  we  encounter  the  fact  that  the 
prospect's  self-interest  is  what  must  be  played  up  to 
above  all  else,  if  the  appeal  is  to  be  successful.  It  is 
the  only  channel  through  which  desire  is  to  be  awakened. 

The  prospect  has,  let  us  suppose,  been  brought  to  the 
point  of  considering  favorably  what  has  been  offered 
him.  In  many  cases  further  argument  is  unnecessary, 
even  unwise;  and  "proof"  of  your  claims — direct 
proof — may  in  the  nature  of  the  case  be  impossible. 
It  is  of  course  necessary  to  know  when  to  let  well  enough 
alone,  and  when  to  spring  your  final  "clinching"  move, 
which  we  shall  discuss  in  a  later  section  of  this  chapter. 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  51 


Noj  we  are  not  starting  a  booster  campaign, 
but  we  are  selling  Sioux  City  to  the  large  manu- 
facturers and  jobbers  who  v/ant  to  locate  in  a  live 
and  steady  market.     In  addition  to  the  natural 
opportunities  inherent  to  the  proposition,  we  are 
offering  CO-OPERATION. 


We'd  like  to  help  YOU,  by  submitting  in  full 
detail  what  Sioux  City  has  to  offer  YOU. 

Why  not  write  us  about  your  wishes  and  your 
needs? 

Opening  and  close  of  a  letter  sent  by  the  Chamber  of  Com- 
merce to  large  manufacturers  and  jobbers.  Note  how  the  open- 
ing paragraph  seeks  to  awaken  interest,  while  dispelling  doubt 
about  the  scheme  being  a  low-grade  one.  Note,  too,  the  per- 
sonal note  in  the  closing  paragraphs.  Considering  the  class  to 
which  the  letter  was  sent,  and  considering  the  momentous  step 
involved  in  the  proposition,  the  climax  is  as  urgent  as  it  ought 
to  be  and  no  more. 


52  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

But  in  many  cases  the  explanation  of  the  offer,  how- 
ever attractively  put,  cannot  be  expected  to  leave  the 
prospect  in  a  condition  of  mind  in  which  he  will  volun- 
tarily act  without  further  ado.  Something  more  in  the 
way  of  proof  is  needed.  If  you  are  offering  him,  say, 
furniture,  or  underwear,  he  must  be  told  how  it  will 
appeal  to  his  own  use  or  to  his  customers,  and  how  he  is 
to  be  the  gainer,  whether  in  enjoyment  or  in  additional 
profit,  in  increased  trade,  in  better  satisfied  customers,  or 
what  not.  And  this  naturally  comes  after  the  explana- 
tion of  the  offer  itself.  If  you  know  your  subject  prop- 
erly and  thoroughly,  you  can  explain  attractively  how 
your  offer  will  appeal  to  his  trade,  just  how  your  line  will 
show  him  a  profit,  and  by  what  methods  he  can  best 
attain  this  result.  This  is  argument,  and  this  is  proof,  of 
a  sort,  blended  so  as  to  develop  interest.  It  is  up  to  you 
to  show  him  u'hy  he  should  buy,  and  how  he  will  be  the 
gainer  if  he  does — and  to  prove  it  by  facts  and  by  sug- 
gestions. 

Proof  may  be  effectively  offered  by  sending  a  sample 
of  the  goods,  or  perhaps  a  sample  of  the  article  on  ten 
or  on  thirty  days'  trial;  by  referring  by  name  to  satis- 
fied customers  in  the  same  town  or  locality ;  by  copies  of 
testimonials,  provided  always  that  these  are  palpably 
honest  and  above  suspicion ;  by  any  act,  in  short,  which 
frankly  puts  your  cards  on  the  table  and  makes  the 
prospect  feel  that  you  have  placed  yourself  in  his  hands, 
to  be  judged  by  him  alone.  This  is  the  most  convincing 
sort  of  proof. 

Aside  from  arguing  that  your  product  is  honestly 
worth  the  price,  and  superior  to  others  offered  at  the 
same  price,  there  are  concrete  methods  of  proof  which 
are  highly  effective.  Figures  may  be  submitted  show- 
ing how  a  machine  or  device  can  be  operated  by  cheaper 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER        53 

labor  than  is  required  for  others  of  like  purpose,  how 
it  will  save  money  for  the  purchaser  and  thus  pay  for 
itself ;  if  feasible,  a  sample  may  voluntarily  be  sent  with 
the  first  letter,  to  be  tested  b}^  the  prospect  in  his  own 
way;  or  an  offer  to  send  the  device  on  trial,  to  be  tested 
and  tried  out  at  the  seller 's  expense,  will  generally  elicit 
a  favorable  response.  Methods  of  this  sort  are  effective 
argument  and,  while  serving  as  the  most  convincing 
proof  of  your  assertions,  offer  strong  evidence  of  your 
thorough  good  faith.  In  this  connection,  see  the  illus- 
tration given  on  p.  63. 

After  all,  what  is  proof?  Literally,  of  course,  it 
means  an  actual  demonstration,  of  some  sort,  of  the 
truth  of  one's  assertions.  In  practice,  however,  convic- 
tion may  be  said  to  be  a  frequent  substitute  for  it.  If 
you  can  convince  me,  I  am  likely  to  feel  that  I  have  all 
the  proof  I  need.  Thus  there  is  a  sort  of  indirect  proof, 
as  well  as  direct  proof.  An  offer  to  send  goods  on  trial, 
or  with  the  privilege  of  returning  them  if  not  satisfac- 
tory or  if  not  as  represented,  is  often  so  convincing  as 
to  take  the  place  of  direct  proof.  I  argue,  perhaps,  that 
the  manufacturer  or  merchant  would  never  make  such 
an  offer  unless  he  was  sure  of  his  statements  and  amply 
able  to  prove  them.  Thus  his  offer  serves  to  convince 
me,  and  I  accept  it  in  lieu  of  proof. 

So  the  varnish  manufacturer  who  advertises  that  I 
may  pour  boiling  water  on  his  varnished  surfaces  with- 
out affecting  the  varnish,  ' '  proves ' '  his  claims  by  carry- 
ing conviction  to  my  mind  by  his  rather  startling  pro- 
posal. After  all,  the  sincerity  of  the  offer,  the  length  to 
which  you  are  willing  to  go,  if  necessary  to  prove  your 
claims,  is,  to  many  people,  more  convincing  than  the 
actual  proof  itself  might  be,  and  is  itself  accepted  as  if  it 
were  real  evidence. 


54  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

This  sort  of  offer  is  pretty  good  ' '  proof ' '  of  sincerity : 

Please  remember  that  these  goods  are  offered 
you  on  the  distinct  understanding  that  if  they  are 
not  entirely  satisfactory,   they  may  be  returned  at 
our  expense,  and  your  money  will  then  be  promptly 
refunded. 

If  you  succeQcl  in  convincing  me  of  your  sincerity, 
I  am  more  than  likely  to  regard  your  claims  as  proved. 

Fundamentally,  therefore,  frankness,  a  tone  of  sin- 
cerity, of  open  honesty,  in  the  statements  made  about 
the  product,  is  often  more  effective  than  ocular  proof 
would  be;  certainly  more  so  than  testimonials,  reports, 
and  remote  testimony  of  that  sort.  If  you  believe  in 
your  goods  and  are  willing  to  back  your  belief  by  an 
offer  which  involves  their  return — and  therefore  a  poten- 
tial loss  to  yourself — in  ease  there  is  anything  wrong 
with  them,  the  sincerity  of  the  tone  of  your  letter  will 
generally  carry  the  same  "proof"  to  my  mind  as  the 
ocular  proof  of  having  the  goods  before  me  would 
accomplish. 

An  examination  at  this  point  of  the  illustrative  letters 
on  p.  63  and  on  pp.  64  and  65  will  serve  to  emphasize 
what  has  just  been  said. 

3.  Persuasion. — It  was  intimated  at  the  beginning  of 
this  section  that  argument  and  persuasion  must  blend. 
Argumentativeness  which  is  too  clearly  argumentative, 
will  often  do  more  harm  than  good.  Along  with  what 
has  been  said  in  the  preceding  section  must  go  the  per- 
suasiveness of  him  who  is  himself  thoroughly  convinced. 
Yet,  as  with  argument,  persuasion  must  be  indirect,  and 
not  openly  apparent. 

Persuasion  is  that  element  which  leads  to  affirmative 
action.  Your  prospect  may  have  "conviction,"  but  he 
does  not  necessarily  buy,  for  all  that.  But  persuasion, 
following  hard  on   proof    and    conviction,    will    itself 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  55 

awaken  desire  and  lead  him  to  the  act  of  buying.  The 
"Do  it  now!"  class  of  phrases,  to  which  we  shall  have 
occasion  to  refer  more  specifically  later  on,  are  but 
crudely  persuasive  in  themselves.  Their  persuasiveness 
lies  in  their  being  used  as  a  climax  to  the  rest  of  the 
persuasive  language  which  leads  up  to  the  phrase.  Some 
form  of  persuasion,  however,  must  follow  proof. 

The  direct  method  of  an  attempt  at  persuasion  is 
often  not  persuasive  at  all.  The  ''Can  you  afford  to 
do  without  it?"  or  the  "Buy  today,  won't  you?"  line 
of  talk  is  to  most  persons  more  like  annoyance  than 
persuasion.  If  you  have  been  at  all  dignified  or  impres- 
sive in  what  you  have  said  up  to  this  point,  this  sort 
of  "coaxing"  seems  an  undignified  descent  to  the  meth- 
ods of  the  cheap  huckster. 

Indirect  persuasion  is  accomplished  more  by  sugges- 
tion than  by  open  argument ;  by  suggesting,  for  instance, 
that  the  prospect  needs  the  goods,  that  he  will  score  a 
distinct  advantage  by  acquiring  them,  that  without 
them  he  is  losing  an  opportunity  for  profit,  or  that  he 
himself  can  judge  of  their  salability  by  such  and  such 
facts.  Perhaps,  even,  you  may  in  some  cases  be  able 
to  tell  him  that  your  offer  is  made  to  him  first,  because 
of  his  reputation  or  his  local  standing,  or  because,  in 
your  opinion,  he  is  best  able  to  handle  goods  of  this 
kind  and  quality. 

After  all,  as  has  so  often  been  stated  above,  the  most 
eft'ective  persuasion  is  that  which  suggests  some  form  of 
self-interest,  whether  it  be  financial  gain,  personal  com- 
fort, gratification  of  pride  or  vanity,  or  self-indulgence. 
Yet  it  must  be  resorted  to  sparingly  and  skilfully,  or  it 
wnll  overshoot  the  mark  and  do  harm,  in  creating  the 
effect  of  insincerity. 

Bear  in  mind  that  the  object  of  argument,  of  proof, 


56  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

and  of  persuasion  is  to  bring  tlie  ]n-ospect  tlirough  the 
stage  of  desire  to  the  point  of  decision.  The  extent  to 
which  resort  should  be  had  to  each  of  these  methods  will 
be  largely  suggested  by  the  analysis  of  the  prospect, 
either  as  an  individual  or  as  a  member  of  a  class,  which 
has  been  suggested  and  discussed  on  pp.  12,  18.  If  you 
really  know  your  man,  you  know  best  how  to  talk  to 
him ;  and  if  you  know  the  characteristics  of  the  class, 
you  know — or  should  know — what  not  to  say  in  address- 
ing those  belonging  to  that  class. 

A  good  illustration  of  the  blending  of  argument  and 
persuasion  in  a  model  manner  is  to  be  seen  in  the  letter 
following,  which  was  sent  by  a  publishing  house  to  en- 
gineers, designers,  draftsmen,  etc.  The  letter  was 
attached  to  a  facsimile  of  the  cover  of  the  book  that  it 
offers,  and  on  the  reverse  side  was  printed  a  concise 
description  of  the  nature  and  contents  of  the  book: 

Here  in  your  hands  is  the  "shell"  of  our 
latest  book.     What  we  want  you  to  have  is  the  actual, 
living  work  itself--fresh  from  the  press. 

We  shall  be  glad  to  send  it  to  you  on  request, 
all  delivery  charges  prepaid,   for   free  examination. 

If  you  are  a  draftsman  or  designer,   if  you 
have,   or  hope  to  have,   anything  to  do  with  gauges  or 
interchangeable  manufacturing,    if  you  are  ambitious 
and  alert  to  follow  mechanical  progress  and  improve- 
ment, you  will  be  eager  to  examine  this  book. 

Note  (1)  the  opening  that  attracts  attention;  (2)  the 
concise  offer;  (3)  the  blending  of  explanation  with  argu- 
ment and  persuasion,  and,  by  way  of  proof,  the  offer 
of  free  examination,  "all  delivery  charges  prepaid." 
Note,  too,  that  description  is  omitted  from  the  letter — 
the  thought  of  the  writer  being  that  he  has  said  enough 
to  interest  his  reader  to  make  him  turn  to  the  description 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  57 

that  is  on  the  back  of  the  cover.  And  he  bases  this 
assumption  on  the  fact  that  he  knows  Ms  class  of  pros^ 
pect,  and  he  has  a  right  to  assume,  therefore,  that  what 
he  has  said  in  the  letter  will  so  arouse  the  interest  as  to 
make  the  reader  want  more  information. 

The  letter,  as  written,  had  one  paragraph  more  than 
is  copied  above,  and  that  will  be  shown  and  discussed 
in  the  next  section  (p.  65).  This  letter  is  well  worth 
study  because  of  the  extreme  brevity  with  which  it  man- 
ages to  include  the  essential  elements,  and  because  of 
the  manner  in  which  it  svr/c/ests  that  which  it  does  not 
specifically  embody.  It  is  open  to  the  criticism  of  having 
tDo  much  "we"  in  the  opening  paragraphs;  and  the 
second  sentence  might  better  have  read:  "What  you 
ought  to  have,"  instead  of:  "What  we  want  you  to 
have,"  etc.  With  these  defects,  however,  it  is  still  an 
effective  letter,  well  worth  critical  study. 

Persuasion  and  inducement  follow  so  closely  on  the 
heels  of  conviction  that  it  is  difficult  to  separate  them 
in  practice.  If  a  man  is  ' '  convinced  "  that  he  needs  your 
goods,  he  is  already  "persuaded,"  so  far  as  his  reason 
is  concerned.  It  must  be  remembered  that  "proof,"  as 
we  have  discussed  it,  may  mean  no  more  than  that  the 
reader  is  "convinced"  that  the  goods  are  what  you 
claim  for  them.  He  may  agree  with  you  on  all  that 
you  claim  for  the  goods,  but  he  does  not  necessarily  need 
them,  and  so  all  the  "proof"  in  the  world  won't  make 
him  buy.  Before  he  will  be  willing  to  buy,  he  has  got 
to  be  brought  to  see  that  he  needs  the  goods  himself, 
and,  by  bringing  the  goods  before  him  in  relation  to  Afs 
own  needs,  you  are  offering  him  the  only  persuasion 
that  counts  for  anything. 

Thus  a  vacuum  clonnei"  is  sold  to  a  woman  by  remind- 
ing her  of  the  tired  Imek  and  exhausted  condition  tliat 


58  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

follow  her  weekly  "sweeping."  Persuasion  is  an  easy 
matter  if  the  device  is  shown  her  in  close  relation  to 
her  own  need  of  the  very  things  the  machine  will  do  for 
her.  And  this,  it  should  be  noted,  is  not  the  improvement 
in  sweeping  that  it  accomplishes,  but  the  relief  from 
sweeping  that  it  brings  to  Jier. 

Finally,  persuasion  may  also  be  exerted  by  showing 
that  your  goods  or  your  brands  are  preferred  by  prom- 
inent persons  to  those  made  by  other  concerns.  A 
leading  perfumery  manufacturer,  for  instance,  uses  the 
argument  in  sales  letters  that  inquiries  have  developed 
the  fact  that  528  women  out  of  600  were  found  to  pre- 
fer a  certain  brand  manufactured  by  him.  To  many, 
this  is  convincingly  persuasive,  and,  with  the  facts  to 
back  it,  can  be  effectively  used  with  the  right  class  of 
prospect. 

4.      THE   "CLINCHER"   CLIMAX 

Many  a  man  has  written  a  good  sales  letter — until 
he  came  to  the  final  paragraph.  He  has  perhaps  led 
his  prospect  on  from  awakened  interest  through  aroused 
and  sustained  desire  to  the  point  where  decision,  having 
been  formed  in  the  reader's  mind,  .should  be  clinched, 
and  action  should  normally  result.  But — at  this  point 
the  contact  has  ceased ;  the  closing  paragraph,  stale  and 
weak  in  its  language,  destroys  the  effect  of  all  that  has 
gone  before,  and  leaves  the  reader's  mind  fluid  instead 
of  crystallizing  it  into  action.  In  other  words,  you  have 
put  in  your  fruit  juices  and  added  your  sugar  and 
brought  the  kettle  to  a  boil — but  the  jelly  won't  jell.  The 
result  is  the  same  as  in  the  Biblical  story,  where  Agrippa 
says  to  Paul:  "Almost  thou  persuadest  me" — and  then 
wraps  his  robe  around  him,  terminates  the  interview, 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  59 


The  market  on  ...   .  has  declined 
since  quoting  you  last  and  if  in  need  of  this  material 
at  the  present  time,  we  would  suggest  that  you  phone 
or  write  us  before  placing  your  order  which  will  be 
to  your  advantage. 

Thanking  you  for  attention  and  av/aiting  to 
hear  from  you  at  an  early  date,  we  remain 

Yours  very  truly, 

A  sales  letter  utterly  lacking  in  salesmanship.  The  letter 
is  short,  but  it  includes  in  small  space  so  many  shortcomings 
in  the  matter  of  grammar,  of  punctuation,  as  well  as  of  sales- 
manship, that  it  is  quoted  as  a  fine  example  of  what  does  not 
constitute  an  effective  sales  letter. 


60  UETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

and  leaves  his  interviewer  with  his  object  "unattained. 
The  effect  of  Paul's  eloquence  and  persuasiveness  is  as 
if  it  had  never  been  exerted.  The  spark  that  should 
galvanize  the  listener  into  action — was  missing. 

The  "almost  persuaded"  effect  is  the  condition  to  be 
dreaded  and  guarded  against  in  the  close  of  the  sales 
letter. 

Let  us  return  once  more  to  our  early  assertion  that  a 
letter  is  virtually  a  written  sales  talk.  In  the  case  of 
the  personal  interview,  as  the  salesman  approaches  the 
point  where  he  hopes  actually  to  book  the  order,  he  is 
particularly  careful  to  say  just  the  right  thing  in  his 
effort  to  convert  desire  into  decision  and  decision  into 
action.  He  knows  that  to  relax  his  attention,  to  say 
too  much,  to  be  futile  or  to  repeat,  will  easily  cause  his 
customer  to  procrastinate  and  become  evasive — to  put 
the  matter  off  "until  a  more  convenient  season."  He 
is,  accordingly,  through  training  and  experience,  thor- 
oughly alive  to  the  need  of  the  final  "clincher"  which 
actually  makes  his  prospect  reach  for  his  pen  and  sign 
the  order. 

As  against  this,  consider  what  happens  in  the  average 
sales  letter.  The  opening  serves  well,  perhaps,  to  arrest 
attention,  and  in  the  description  and  explanation  that 
follow  the  reader  may  become  thoroughly  interested. 
His  desire  is,  let  us  say,  growing,  and  he  has  almost 
decided  to  buy.  Then — by  way  of  anti-climax — he 
comes  to  that  deadly  final  paragraph,  w^here  he  reads: 
"Hoping  to  receive  your  valued  order,  we  are,"  etc. 

Can  it  be  supposed  that  such  a  close  can  win  an  order 
that  would  not  have  been  given  anyhow  ?  Suppose  that 
such  language  were  actually  used  by  a  salesman  in  clos- 
ing an  interview.  Would  it  get  him  anywhere — except 
out  of  the  door?     Yet  paragraphs    such    as    this    are 


FRAMEWORK  OP  THE   SALES  LETTER  61 

regarded  as  the  accepted  and  proper  form  of  closing  a 
sales  letter,  and  are  sent  out  by  the  thousand  every 
day.  And  such  letters  land  in  the  waste-basket  by  the 
thousand  every  day,  too ! 

Equally  deadly  is  the  final  paragraph  saying:  "If 
there  is  anything  further  that  we  can  tell  you  about 
this,  we  shall  be  glad  to  do  so  on  request."  The  sales- 
man would  never  dream  of  saying  this  to  his  prospect. 
He  knows  too  well  the  necessity  of  talking  from  the 
standpoint  of  the  listener,  and  of  anticipating  his — the 
listener's — mental  action.  And  so  must  you,  if  you 
would  be  a  letter-writing  salesman. 

It  is  the  worst  mistake  imaginable  to  suppose,  as  so 
many  do,  that  a  letter  that  closes  without  some  such 
phrase  as:  "Hoping  to  hear  from  you  shortly,  we  are, 
etc.,"  is  abrupt  or  incomplete.  On  the  contrary,  abrupt- 
ness, in  the  sense  of  leaving  the  correspondent  in  the 
full  grasp  of  an  important  idea,  with  no  vapid  drivel 
to  weaken  the  effect  of  the  last  words  read,  is  just  the 
result  that  should  be  striven  for.  Contrast,  for  example, 
these  two  ideas,  by  taking  the  close  of  the  letter  shown 
on  page  63  and  placing  it  alongside  the  sort  of  close  we 
have  just  mentioned : 

Remember,    please,  Remember,    please, 

we'll   try  our  very  best        we'll   try  our  very  best 
to  satisfy  you.      So  mail      to  satisfy  you. 

the  order  NOW!  u      •        4.     u 

Hoping  to  hear   from 
Very    truly    yours,  you   soon,    we   are 

Yours    very    truly, 

The  second  form  is  almost  an  invitation  to  the  reader 
to  put  off  an  innnediate  reply,  and  to  act  "soon,"  i.  e., 
whenever  he  gets  round  to  it.  And  that  is  probably 
— never!    Then,  too,  the  first  example  leaves  the  reader 


62  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

ill  the  grasp  of  the  idea  that  he  is  being  offered  real  indi- 
vidual "service,"  and  that  it  behooves  him  to  take 
advantage  of  the  offer  in  the  same  spirit,  i.  e.,  promptly; 
while  in  the  second  example,  the  utter  lack  of  confi- 
dence on  the  part  of  the  writer  of  the  letter,  implied  in 
the  word  "hoping,"  communicates  itself  to  the  reader 
— and  he  lays  the  letter  aside  to  await  "a  more  con- 
venient season." 

It  ought  not  to  be  necessary  to  warn  against  the  use 
of  "bull-dozing"  language  in  the  attempt  to  induce 
action.  Yet  an  otherwise  effective  letter  may  fail  in  its 
purpose  through  the  use  of  tactless  language  urging 
action,  but  unsuited  to  the  prospect.  Notice  the  "please" 
in  the  closing  paragraph  on  the  next  page ;  observe  how 
the  promise  to  try  to  suit  the  prospect  softens  the  effect 
of  the  final :  ' '  mail  the  order  now ! ' ' 

Mere  forceful  language,  then,  will  not  alone  make  the 
"clincher"  effective.  Language  psychologically  adapted 
to  the  class  of  prospect  is  the  vitally  important  thing. 
And  the  writer  of  sales  letters  must  choose  his  language 
with  the  same  care  that  is  exercised  by  the  capable  sales- 
man. If  you  have  made  the  study  of  your  subject  and  of 
your  different  classes  of  prospects,  such  as  we  have  urged 
on  pp.  10-15,  18,  45,  56,  84,  and  97,  you  will  be  able  to 
make  your  final  sentences  as  effective  for  eacJi  class  of 
prospects  as  the  capable  salesman  does. 

In  order,  then,  that  all  the  earlier  and  effective 
parts  of  the  letter  may  not  be  rendered  ineffective  and 
futile;  in  order  that  all  that  has  been  aimed  at  and 
hoped  for  in  the  planning  of  the  letter  may  have  the 
fullest  opportunity  for  achievement,  let  your  close  come 
as  a  climax  that  has  a  psychological  pull,  and  that  will 
bring  your  prospect's  pen  to  paper  with  a  compelling 
urge. 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER         63 


You  can  get  a  hundred  of  these  cigars  simply 
by  writing  your  name.   We  don't  ask  you  to  send  any 
money.  Just  fill  out  the  attached  order  blank  and 
mail  NOW.  In  a  few  days  a  parcel-post  package  of 
Cigar  Enjoyment  will  arrive.  Smoke  FIVE  cigars  at 
OUR  RISK.  If  you  are  pleased,  send  us  ^7.50  in  three 
days;  otherwise  return  the  rest  of  the  cigars  within 
the  same  period,  and  you  will  owe  us  nothing. 

Remember,  please,  we'll  try  our  very  best 
to  satisfy  you.  So  mail  the  order  NOW. 

A  good  example  of  the  inducement  climax,  with  the  "Do  it 
now!"  suggestion  effectively  backed  up  by  the  "proof"  offer  in 
a  most  practical  form. 

0 


64  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


We  want  you  to  kndw  that  we  carry  the  best 
pipe  die  made- -and  we  suggest  that  you  make  us 
prove  it! 

You  can  do  so  very  easily- -and  at  our  expense 
--if  you  will  send  to  us  for  any  size  you  desire,  try 
it  out,  and  then  return  the  die  or  send  us  the  price. 

You'll  send  us  the  money  and  keep  the  die-- 
for  it's  the  famous  Nye  skip- tooth  die. 

Here  is  a  die  that  operates  with  70  per  cent 
less  friction  than  any  similar  die,   and  one  man  can 
easily  thread  any  2"  pipe  with  it. 

Besides  containing  the  patented  skip-tooth 
feature,   the  Nye  pipe  die  is  relieved  or  backed-off 
and  is  made  both  in  the  solid  block  and  in  the  Arm- 
strong adjustable  type.     And  as  to  material,  there 
isn't  any  better  procurable  anywhere  than  what 
goes  into  these  dies. 

There  are  other  dies  that  cost  less  than 
these- -but  they  are  worth  less. 

We'd  like  to  get  this  first  order  from  you, 
because  you  will  surely  want  more  after  trying  that 
first  one.     This  letter  ought  to  convince  you,  but  if 
it  doesn't,   the  die  will. 

Our  stock  is  complete  and  delivery  will  be 
prompt.     Why  bother  with  the  ordinary  die?     Why  not 
have  the  best?    There's  no  bother  with  the  Nye  die. 

Your  die  is  waiting  for  you.     Won't  you 
write  us  for  it? 

This  is  not  an  ideal  letter,  but  it  is  forceful,  nevertheless.  Its 
opening  words  arrest  the  attention;  the  next  paragraph  awak- 
ens interest;  this  is  sustained,  if  not  increased,  through  the 
four  succeeding  paragraphs  of  argument  and  proof,  which  cul- 
minate in  the  persuasive  next  two  paragraphs.  Final  action  Is 
suggested  in  the  last.  There  is  too  much  of  the  "we"  element 
at  the  start;  but  when  once  past  that,  the  reader  feels  that  the 
letter  is  written  from  his  standpoint.  Note,  too,  the  forceful  and 
persuasive  close. 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE   SALES  LETTER  65 

After  all,  this  means  no  more  than  giving  him  a  rea- 
son why  he  should  act — and  act  at  once.  We  have  said 
enough  to  make  it  plain  that  whatever  is  said  for  this 
purpose,  the  idea  to  be  stressed  must  be  stressed  in  the 
spirit  of  what  has  gone  before,  earlier  in  the  letter. 
Remember  that  the  successful  sales  letter  must  result 
in  a  continued  progress  of  growing  emotion — attention, 
interest,  desire,  decision,  action.  We  are  discussing  the 
climax — action.  And  in  endeavoring  to  produce  this, 
the  writer  must  be  even  more  forceful  in  his  final  sug- 
gestion than  he  has  been  in  the  body  of  the  letter.  At 
the  least,  there  must  be  no  diminution  of  the  spirit  and 
of  the  power  that  have  gone  before. 

Examine,  now,  once  again,  the  letter  that  was  quoted 
in  part  on  p.  56 ;  which  we  now  give  in  full,  with  its 
effective  ''clincher"  climax: 

Here  in  your  hands  is  the  "shell"  of  our 
latest  book.     What  we  want  you  to  have  is  the  actual, 
living  work  itself--fresh  from  the  press. 

We  shall  be  glad  to  send  it  to  you,   all 
delivery  charges  prepaid,   for  free  examination, 
on  request. 

If  you  are  a  draftsman  or  designer,   if  you 
have,   or  hope  to  have,   anything  to  do  with  gauges  or 
interchangeable  manufacturing,    if  you  are  ambitious 
and  alert  to  follow  mechanical  progress  and  improve- 
ment, you  will  be  eager  to  examine  this  book. 

Simply  sign  the  order  card  for  FREE  EXAMINA- 
TION, and  a  copy  will  be  sent  you  at  once. 

Observe  now  the  letter  as  a  whole.  Notice  how  it  is 
designed  to  attract  attention  and  awaken  interest  (par- 
agraph 1)  ;  to  stimulate  further  interest  (paragraph  2)  ; 
to  awaken  desire  and  suggest  decision  (paragraph  3)  ; 
and  finally   (paragraph  4),  to  push  the  reader  ''over 


66  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

the  edge, "  so  to  speak,  and  to  cause  him  to  act  by  giving 
him  a  reason  why  he  should  act,  and  act  at  once. 

This  is  one  form  of  clincher,  combining  as  it  does  the 
"Do  it  now ! ' '  element  with  an  offer  of  something  that 
will  appeal  to  the  self-interest  of  the  reader — and  that 
entails  no  expense.  And  this  is  made  still  easier  and 
more  likely  to  be  acted  on  by  enclosing  the  ' '  order  card ' ' 
all  ready  for  the  mere  signature.  The  decision  is  thus 
made  to  ripen  into  action  by  means  of  the  tempting 
blank  that  he  holds  in  his  hand.  He  visualizes  the  act 
— and  it  is  done  !  The  whole  principle  of  the  "clincher" 
can  be  deduced  by  a  proper  study  of  this  illustrative 
letter. 

Then,  as  a  clincher  of  another  sort,  there  is  the  price 
inducement,  the  appeal  to  self-interest  by  the  statement 
that  the  "initial"  or  "introductory"  price  is  good  for 
only  so  long.  This  is  again  an  appeal  that  is  difficult 
to  resist. 

There  is  also  tlie  very  effective  suggestion :  ' '  Tear  off 
the  coupon  from  this  letter.  It  already  bears  your  name 
and  address.  Pin  a  dollar  bill  to  it,  and  mail  it  TO- 
DAY." Or,  if  cash  is  not  required  with  the  order,  the 
suggestion  to  send  in  the  coupon  or  a  self-addressed  post- 
card that  is  enclosed  in  your  letter  is  still  an  effective 
appeal  that  demands  the  minimum  of  effort  for  the 
gratification  of  self-interest. 

A  successful  publisher  who  furnishes  market  and 
financial  advice  makes  a  psychological  appeal  of  con- 
siderable force  by  saying:  "Direct  your  secretary  to 
send  for  one  this  morning,  when  you  are  dictating. "  The 
subtle  suggestion  that  this  makes  to  the  reader  that  he 
is  regarded  as  a  "magnate,"  and  that  a  request  coming 
from  him  will  be  regarded  as  having  been  sent  through 
his  "secretary,"  tends  to  flatter  the  pride — and  to  induce 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER  67 


Have  you  a  dollar  bill  in  your  pocket-book- - 
an  old,  spineless  one?--that  you're  not  particularly 
fond  of? 

Pin  it  to  this  card  and  send  it  in  an  envelope 
to  the  address  above,  for  the  biggest  and  the  best 
dollar's  worth  of  pure  Joy  a  dollar  ever  bought. 

Does  it  sound  like  Coney  Island?  or  a  gold 
brick? 

It's  neither.  It's  the  wisest,  wittiest, 
cleverest  little  book  we've  come  across  in  a  blue 
moon- -"This  Simian  World,"  by  Clarence  Day,  Jr. 

No,  we're  not  the  publishers. 

And  this  is  not  a  usual  horn-blowing.  We 
want  to  send  you  the  book  because  it  is  a  "New 
Republic"  sort  of  book;  if  you  like  it,  you'll  prob- 
ably like  the  "New  Republic"  too! 

The  took  is  published  by 

Unstrap  that  dollar! 

Familiarity  and  "breeziness"  are  perhaps  somewhat  overdone 
here;  but  the  letter  is  nevertheless  a  good  illustration  of  the 
"inducement"  argument,  coupled  with  the  urge  to  send  in  the 
money,  which  is  made  attractive  by  the  simple  method  pro- 
posed. 


-68  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

action.  When  oneo  the  salesman  gets  the  reply  he  seeks, 
it  is  a  simple  matter  to  "follow  up"  with  subsequent  let- 
ters in  the  effort  to  make  a  sale. 

It  is  well  to  bear  in  mind  that  in  many  of  their  char- 
acteristics men  and  women  are  still  children.  A  skilful 
letter-writer  can  turn  this  to  good  advantage,  if  he 
remembers  that,  taken  as  a  group,  people  are  strongly 
inclined  to  do  as  they  are  told.  Thus  a  good  many 
people,  when  they  are  forcefully  urged  to  ''Do  it  now !" 
are  instinctively  inclined  to  obey — or,  shall  we  say, 
comply? — without  further  thought.  Thus,  psj^chologi- 
cally  speaking,  the  way  to  induce  buying  action  is 
through  some  forceful  phase  of  the  "Act  now!"  idea, 
adapted  in  tone  and  language  to  the  individuals 
addressed. 

The  psychology  involved  in  the  "clincher"  close  can 
be  noted  any  day  if  one  will  place  himself  before  a 
retail  store  window  where  an  attractive  display  of  goods 
is  being  made.  A  passer-by — indeed,  many  of  them — 
can  often  be  seen  to  be  caught  by  the  attractive  showing 
of,  let  us  say,  some  desirable  shirts  and  furnishings.  He 
stops,  gazes  at  the  goods,  turns  and  bends  and  examines 
them  with  growing  interest,  is  interested  to  the  point 
of  admitting  to  himself  that  he  likes  the  shirts  and  has 
"half  a  notion"  to  buj^  some  of  them.  He  even  con- 
siders entering  the  store  to  do  so.  But — he  hesitates. 
He  begins  to  think — he  thinks  he  can  get  them  tomorrow 
or  the  next  time  he  is  passing,  just  as  well  as  now.  He 
moves  slowly  on.  He  has  missed  the  impelling  urge  of 
persuasion — for  there  is  none  but  the  mute  display  itself. 
He  does  not  buy. 

All  that  was  necessary  to  cause  him  to  buy  was  some 
extraneous  influence  which  would  impel  him  to  imme- 
diate decision  and  to  resulting  action.     The  store  win- 


FRAMEWORK  OF  THE  SALES  LETTER        Gl) 

dow  display  sells  goods,  of  course.  This  is  not  denied. 
But  there  are  very  many  who  examine  the  display  who 
are  not  fully  persuaded  through  seeing  it,  and  who 
would  be  buyers  if  there  was  something  besides  the  dis- 
play to  influence  them. 

The  psychology  of  such  a  situation  is  thoroughly 
appreciated  by  the  owner  of,  say,  a  secondhand  cloth- 
ing store.  He  makes  it  a  point  to  stand  in  his  doorway 
where  he  insistently  urges  such  hesitating  prospects  as 
he  sees,  to  enter  his  store.  When  once  he  gets  them 
inside,  he  generally  effects  a  sale,  because  he  succeeds 
in  crystallizing  the  customer's  hesitation  and  half- 
developed  desire  into  decision  and  resulting  action, 
through  his  arguments  and  persuasion. 

The  sales  letter  offers  the  goods — as  does  the  show 
window.  But  unless  it  does  more,  it  is  but  a  mute  show 
window,  and  is  even  less  attractive,  less  convincing, 
than  is  the  attractive  display  of  a  good  show  window. 
In  order  to  accomplish  more,  the  letter  must  combine 
the  effect  of  the  offering  (the  show  window  of  the 
store)  with  something  that  will  assist  in  converting 
desire  into  action.  It  must  clincli  the  sale  by  insistent 
persuasion  so  that  the  final  emotion  experienced  by  the 
reader  is  determination,  follow^ed  immediately  by  action. 

Following  are  illustrations  of  some  of  the  final  phrases 
that  are  encountered  in  successful  sales  letters: 

Send  in  yoiir  order  TODAY! 
Just  clip  the  coupon  and  send  it  in. 
Write  TODAY  if  you  wish  to  take  advantage  of  this. 
Renieinber,   the   offer   of  a  sample   is    absolutely    without 
strings  or  conditions. 
Your  copy  is  waiting  for  you — send  for  it  today! 
To  take  advantage  of  this  offer,  you  nnist  act  today. 
Write  your  order  at  the  foot  of  this'  letter — and  send  it  in. 
This  offer  is  final — there  will  not  be  another. 


70  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Finally,  then,  the  last  detail  in  the  framework  of  the 
sales  letter  must  be  the  "clincher."  Without  it  the 
letter  is  lame  and  impotent.  Without  it,  the  writer  has 
no  right  to  look  for  results.  The  tone,  the  form,  the 
language  of  such  a  "clincher"  must  depend  largely  on 
the  nature  of  the  product  offered,  on  the  customary 
mental  reactions  of  the  prospects  themselves,  and,  above 
all,  on  the  writer  himself  and  his  insight  into  his- sub- 
ject and  his  prospect.  This  is  not  a  book  of  forms. 
All  we  attempt  to  do  is  to  stimulate  the  imagination, 
while  seeking  to  direct  it  into  the  channels  which  experi- 
ence has  proved  to  lead  to  success. 


CHAPTER  III 

DETAILS  THAT  CONTKIBUTE  TO  SUCCESS- 
FUL SALES  LETTERS 

1.  REPLIES  THAT  ARE  NOT  ORDERS 

A  sales  letter  will  often  elicit  a  reply  of  a  sort  dif- 
ferent from  that  which  has  been  hoped  for.  It  may  be 
in  the  nature  of  an  objection  of  some  sort  to  the  article 
offered,  or  it  may  be  in  the  form  of  a  request  for  further 
information.  A  reply  of  either  nature  is  better  than 
no  reply  at  all,  and  to  that  extent  is  to  be  regarded  as 
gratifying.  It  is,  at  least,  proof  of  interest  on  the  part 
of  the  writer,  and  gives  one  the  opportunity  of  meeting 
the  correspondent  squarely  on  his  own  ground.  It  not 
only  means  a  possible  sale,  if  the  objections  are  success- 
fully met,  or  if  the  additional  particulars  given  can  be 
made  to  carry  persuasion,  but  it  tends  to  show  the  writer 
where  his  own  previous  letter  may  have  been  weak.  In 
other  words,  replies  of  this  sort  serve  to  give  one  the 
other  man's  point  of  view  in  most  direct  fashion,  and 
are  therefore  educatively  valuable. 

Basically,  the  reply  to  such  a  letter  must  again  be  a 
sales  letter,  but  it  involves  the  personal  element  in  much 
more  direct  fashion.  This  time  you  know  what  your 
correspondent  thinks  about  the  proposition,  and  your 
reply  is  specifically  directed  to  liis  individual  objec- 
tions, or  to  his  individual  incjuiry,  where  before  your 
letter  was  based  on  the  supposed  point  of  view  of  an 
entire  class.    You  will,  therefore,  be  able  to  give  to  the 

71 


72  BETTER   BUSINESS  LETTERS 


Your  suggestion  that  the  alloy  used  in  the 
construction  of  our  strainer  is  subject  to  electro- 
reaction  and  will  not,  therefore,  last  long,  has 
been  most  interesting  to  us.  So  important  did  it 
seem  that  we  have  had  our  chemical  laboratory  at  work 
on  your  idea  ever  since  your  letter  reached  us. 

Experiments  exhaustively  gone  into  have  con- 
vinced our  chemists  that  the  deposit  of  salts  you 
describe  comes  from  the  feed  line,  and  is  not  to  be 
attributed  to  the  metal  of  the  strainer. 

As  you  no  doubt  know,  gasoline  is  now  being 
sold  that  contains  considerable  sulphur  in  solution. 
This,  when  coming  in  contact  with  the  copper  feed 
line,  is  precipitated  as  copper  sulphate,  and  is 
carried  into  the  strainer  and  collected  there.  You 
will  probably  find  that  this  accounts  for  the  deposit 
you  have  described  to  us. 

Won't  you  examine  your  sample  with  this  idea 
in  mind  and  let  us  know  your  conclusions?  Possibly 
this  will  serve  to  clear  up  your  doubts.  If  it  does, 
you'll  feel  like  giving  us  that  order  for  1,000 
you  wrote  of,  won't  you? 

Our  Mr. is  planning  to  be  in  your  city 

about  the  first  of  next  month.  He  will  be  able  to 
offer  you  very  attractive  terms  for  quantity  orders, 
and  hence  you  will  probably  find  it  worth  your  while 
to  make  promptly  the  examination  we  suggest  above. 

In  any  event,  we  want  to  assure  you  that  we 
value  your  criticisms,  and  sincerely  thank  you  for 
writing  us  on  a  subject  that  needed  clearing  up. 

An  example  of  the  "retort  courteous"  to  a  customer  who  has 
complained  that  the  article  offered  him  is  "no  good."  It  sub- 
ordinates the  effort  to  sell  to  the  effort  to  get  him  into  the 
right  frame  of  mind,  and  to  cause  him  to  feel  that  his  "kick"  is 
regarded  a.s^  the  basis  of  an  important  laboratory  test,  rather 
than  as  something  to  be  explained  away  or  apologized  for. 
Note,  too,  how  the  reply  is  made  from  the  point  of  view  of  the 
reader — his  conclusions  and  experiences  are  inquired  about. 


DETAILS  OF   SALES  LETTERS  73 

correspondence  from  this  point  on,  an  atmosphere  which 
is  personal  and  direct,  such  as  was  impossible  in  the 
original  sales  letter. 

The  utmost  care  must  of  course  be  exercised  to  avoid 
a  tone  in  your  reply  that  implies  superiority  of  knowl- 
edge, or  any  condescension  on  your  part  in  tendering 
an  explanation.  It  must  never  be  even  intimated  that 
your  correspondent's  failure  to  see  things  from  your 
point  of  view  is  due  to  his  inability  to  understand  the 
subject,  or  to  grasp  the  description  already  given.  This 
might  fatally  alienate  him,  and  would,  at  best,  tend  to 
make  him  less  open  to  conviction.  On  the  contrary,  he 
should  be  thanked  for  pointing  out  his  objection,  and  for 
the  opportunity  he  has  given  you  for  reply.  He  may 
even  be  told  that,  in  the  light  of  the  objections  he  has 
raised,  you  can  see  that  the  mistake  lies  at  your  own 
door,  in  the  poor  description  you  gave  in  the  first 
instance.  He  will  then  be  much  more  ready  to  accept 
your  explanation,  and  to  permit  his  misconception  to 
be  set  right. 

The  objections  that  he  raises  must  be  discussed  in 
your  reply  in  a  thoroughly  frank  and  honest  manner, 
with  no  room  for  him  to  suspect  that  you  are  attempt- 
ing to  evade  the  discussion,  or  to  cover  up  weak  points. 
The  difference  between  your  article  and  others  on  the 
market  must  be  gone  into  thoroughly ;  its  special  adapt- 
ability to  his  neects  or  his  use  must  be  shown  in  specific 
terms,  with  a  careful  avoidance  of  all  generalities.  If 
the  objection  is  the  usual  one :  "I  am  told  by  So-and-So, 
who  has  used  your  device,  that  it  is  faulty  in  such-and- 
such  respect,"  this  opens  the  door  wide  to  a  full  com- 
parison, and  for  the  opportunity  of  showing  in  an  agree- 
able way  that  So-and-So 's  opinion  is  a  mistaken  one. 
The   thorough   familiarity  with  the    article    itself,   its 


74  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

details  of  manufacture,  its  potentialities  and  its  achieve- 
ments, as  against  others  on  the  market,  the  wisdom  of 
which  was  urged  in  an  earlier  chapter,  will  stand  you 
in  good  stead  here. 

A  simple  request  for  further  particulars  should,  of 
course,  be  replied  to  with  the  same  expression  of  thanks 
for  the  opportunity  to  be  more  explicit,  as  when  reply- 
ing to  an  objection.  It,  too,  should  be  regarded  as  edu- 
cative, in  the  sense  that  it  shows  you  the  other  man's 
point  of  view,  and  may  give  you  a  valuable  hint  for 
improving  on  your  technique  of  description.  Here 
again,  you  need  all  the  knowledge  of  your  subject  that 
it  is  possible  to  acquire. 

The  main  thought  to  be  kept  in  the  foreground  in 
framing  replies  to  either  class  of  letter  is  that  you  have 
an  opportunity  otfered  for  the  exercise  of  real  salesman- 
ship. Your  correspondent  is  probably  half  "sold" 
already,  even  if  he  does  not  realize  it  at  the  time  of 
writing.  He  would  not  have  written  you  if  he  was  not 
interested.  It  is  therefore  "up  to  you"  to  make  the 
most  of  the  opportunity  he  offers  you  himself — and  to 
"put  the  sale  over." 

2.     IMPORTANCE  OF  A  COMPARATIVE  STUDY  OF  LETTERS 

In  later  chapters  we  shall  pass  from  the  consideration 
of  sales  letters  to  that  of  other  kinds  of  business  letters. 
But  we  cannot  drop  the  present  subject  without  urging 
on  the  reader  the  great  value  of  the  analysis  of  his  own 
letters  in  the  light  of  results,  and  also  of  the  study  of 
his  own  letters  in  comparison  with  those  of  others.  The 
particular  application  that  this  has  to  follow-up  letters 
is  shown  in  the  early  pages  of  Chapter  IV,  but  its  gen- 
eral application  will  be  discussed  here. 

No  successful  writer  of  sales  letters  would  copy  the 


DETAILS  OP   SALES  LETTERS  75 

language  of  someone  else's  letters,  no  matter  how  effec- 
tive he  might  believe  them  to  be.  The  letters  given 
throughout  these  pages  are  in  no  sense  to  be  regarded  as 
models,  in  the  sense  that  their  exact  language  is  ever  to 
be  imitated.  It  is  probable  that  each  one  is  susceptible  of 
improvement  in  several  ways — and  this  is  true  of  the 
general  run  of  all  sales  letters.  But  they  serve  to  illus- 
trate methods,  style,  sequences,  arguments.  They  should 
also  serve  to  suggest  ideas  to  the  thoughtful  writer,  but 
they  should  never  serve  as  copy. 

Thus,  if  you  are  seriously  trjdng  to  improve  the  effec- 
tiveness of  your  own  sales  letters,  you  will  continually 
be  on  the  look-out  for  those  written  by  others.  You  will 
analyze  their  methods,  and  compare  them  with  your 
own.  You  will  gather  from  them,  as  from  the  examples 
given  in  these  pages,  hints  for  use  by  yourself — but  you 
will  not,  if  you  are  wise,  copy  or  imitate  them.  There 
are  two  good  reasons  for  this  warning.  First,  there  are 
almost  always  small  circumstances  connected  with  your 
own  case  that  differ  from  those  connected  with  the 
case  of  the  other  writer.  A  slavish  imitation,  therefore, 
is  almost  certain  to  be  weak  in  its  application  to  your 
own  case.  It  will  certainly  lack  the  individual  features 
with  which  you  must  impress  your  own  letter.  Thus 
yon  will  be  the  loser  in  results,  as  all  imitators  are,  in 
the  end.  And,  secondly,  to  imitate  is  to  deaden  initia- 
tive and  to  destroy  the  ability  to  write  independently 
and  effectively  when  you  have  no  model  to  follow. 

It  is  quite  otherwise  if  you  regard  the  sales  letters  of 
others  as  fit  subjects  for  comparative  study,  from  which 
you  may  draw  valuable  lessons  concerning  both  what  is 
good  in  them  and  what  is  weak  in  them.  This  sort  of 
study  and  comparison  ought  to  be  carried  on  unremit- 
tingly, and  whenever  the  opportunity  offers. 


76  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Of  eciual  importance  is  .the  study  of  your  own  sales 
letters  in  the  light  of  the  results  that  they  bring.  Some 
of  them  will  prove  successful ;  many  of  them  will  not 
bring  you  the  results  which  you  hope  for  and  think 
you  have  reason  to  expect.  The  results  of  each  sales 
letter  should  be  tabulated.  If  they  are  satisfactory,  you 
should  seek  to  place  your  finger  on  those  features  in 
your  letter  which  served  to  make  it  a  success.  You 
may  possibly  have  written  a  forceful  and  convincing 
letter  more  through  good  fortune  than  anything  else; 
you  may  have  evolved  it  carefully  and  deliberately  in 
the  light  of  the  principles  you  have  learned.  In  either 
case  it  should  be  analyzed.  Learn  what  the  successful 
element  was — and  stick  a  pin  in  it !  But  be  very  sure 
that  no  matter  how  successful  a  given  letter  may  seem 
to  have  been,  it  is  certain  that  it  migJit  liave  been  still 
more  successful.  This  is  said,  not  in  order  to  discour- 
age, but  to  furnish  the  stimulus  for  continual  analysis 
and  continual  striving  after  improvement.  Eesults  grow 
as  experience  increases. 

Pursue  the  same  methods  with  your  unsuccessful  let- 
ters. Examine  them  criticall.y.  What  did  similar  letters, 
written  by  others,  contain  that  yours  did  not  contain? 
Wliat  would  you  write  now,  as  compared  witli  ivliat  you. 
wrote  tlienf  Be  frank  with  yourself  and  dig  out  the 
points  on  which  you  were  weak ;  face  them ;  and  so  shape 
your  next  effort  as  to  avoid  the  same  mistakes  and  to 
improve  on  the  former  weaknesses.  Thus  results  that 
might  otherwise  be  a  source  of  discouragement  can  be 
made  a  stimulus  for  improvement  of  method  and  may 
prepare  for  future  successes. 

Real,  pulling,  successful  letters  will  soon  follow  from 
such  work.  You  may  be  assured  of  it !  This  is,  in  fact, 
the  only  certain  road  to  success. 


DETAILS  OF  SALES  LETTERS  77 

3.     THE   PSYCHOLOGICAL  VALUE  OF  STYLE 

We  cannot  leave  the  subject  of  sales  letters  without  a 
final  insistence  on  the  value  of  correctness  in  grammar, 
spelling,  punctuation,  etc.,  in  letters. 

Aside  from  the  consideration  that  self-respect  requires 
the  author  of  a  letter  to  insist  on  its  being  free  from 
errors  before  he  signs  it,  there  is  another  and  highly 
important  considei-ation  which  makes  correctness  in 
these  details  a  matter  to  be  insisted  on.  The  flat  .state- 
ment that  sales  are  often  lost  through  sending  out.  badly 
spelled  letters  or  letters  that  are  poorly  punctuated  may 
seem  startling  and  even  exaggerated.  It  is,  neverthe- 
less, only  too  often  literally  true. 

As  we  have  seen,  the  primary  object  in  a  sales  letter  is 
to  arrest  the  attention  and  to  hold  the  interest  of  the 
reader.  Poor  grammar  or  long  and  involved  sentences 
make  it  difficult,  of  course,  for  the  reader  to  follow  with- 
out mental  exertion  the  writer's  line  of  thought.  The 
reader's  attention  is  thus  diverted  from  the  subject  in 
his  effort  to  understand  the  language.  Psychologically 
the  same  result  follows  bad  spelling  or  bad  punctuation. 
Small  mistakes  of  this  nature  begin  their  evil  effect  by 
making  a  bad  impression  on  the  mind.  The  mind  is 
arrested  in  its  operation  of  following  the  argument  of 
the  letter  to  dwell  disapprovingly  on  the  minor  errors 
of  style.  This  breaks  the  train  of  thought  w^hich  the 
ivriter  has  aimed  to  direct  in  the  reader's  mind.  The 
reader  stops  to  notice  the  use  of  a  semicolon  where  a 
colon  should  have  been  used ;  he  stumbles  in  his  reading 
when  he  encounters  a  comma  where  a  period  and  the  end 
of  the  sentence  should  have  been.  He  shudders  mentally 
over  his  correspondent's  use  of  phrases  that  are  useless 
and  futile  and  meaningless.  The  inevitable  result  is  a 
division  of  attention — the  reader  is  thinking  of  the  errors 


78  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

he  has  encountered,  when  his  whole  attention  should  be 
on  the  subject  of  the  letter. 

The  attention  of  the  reader  must  be  caught — this  we 
have  seen  in  the  foregoing  pages.  It  must  be  held  also 
— and  it  is  obvious  that  holding  it  is  impossible  if  dis- 
tractions of  any  kind  are  allowed  to  creep  in.  Errors 
such  as  those  we  have  referred  to  are  distractions — and 
offensive  distractions,  whose  consequences  are  much 
greater  than  the  errors  would  appear  to  deserve.  Divided 
and  weakened  attention  is  too  serious  a  handicap  to  risk 
through  want  of  care  on  the  part  of  the  writer.  Why 
incur  such  risk,  when  a  little  care  for  such  matters  will 
avoid  it  altogether? 

Equally  destructive  of  attention — or,  perhaps  it  were 
better  to  say,  wholly  incapable  of  arousing  attention — 
are  the  futile,  vapid  phrases  so  often  used  by  writers 
of  business  letters  as  a  result  of  an  unthinking  habit. 
One  of  the  first  habits  to  be  cultivated  by  anyone  who 
would  make  his  letters  original  and  ''pulling"  is  the 
avoidance  of  the  use  of  stilted  and  formal  phrases.  Some 
of  these  are  listed  below. 

For  a  general  discussion  of  good  English  in  business 
writing  and  for  immediate  aid  in  puzzling  questions  of 
grammar,  spelling,  capitalization,  punctuation,  and  the 
uses  and  meanings  of  words,  the  reader  should  consult' 
the  volume  entitled  Better  Business  English,  in  this 
series. 

4.     FUTILE  PHRASES 

Whatever  the  nature  of  your  letter,  avoid  the  use  of 
language  of  this  sort: 

We  are  enclosing  Jiere-      The    "herewith"  and    the  "hereto" 
with  are   redundant,   unnecessary,  and 


DETAILS  OF   SALES  LETTERS 


79 


Please  find  attached 

hereto 
Enclosed  please  find 


stilted.  You  would  not  use  them 
in  conversation. 

What  does  "please  find"  mean?  This 
phrase,  also,  would  sound  ridicu- 
lous to  you  if  someone  used  it  in 
speaking  to  you. 

The  simple,  natural  expressions 
would  be:  "We  enclose  a  circu- 
lar," etc.,  and  "You  will  find  a 
sample  attached." 


Hoping  to  receive  your 
valued  order 

Thanking  you  in  ad- 
vance 

Atvaiting  your  reply 


Aside  from  the  utter  uselessness  and 
futility  of  such  phrases,  a  letter 
should  never  close  with  a  sentence 
beginning  with  a  participle.  If 
you  must  say  something  of  the 
sort  conveyed  by  these  phrases, 
translate  them  into  something 
like  this:  "We  assure  you  that 
we  shall  take  pleasure  in  seeing 
that  your  order  is  given  the  most 
careful  and  prompt  attention;" 
"For  whatever  you  may  be  willing 
to  do  for  ns  we  shall  be  very 
grateful;"  "Your  reply  will  be 
awaited  with  much  interest;" 
"We  shall  do  our  very  best  to 
please  you." 


Agreeable  to  your  re- 
quest 

Pursuant  to  your  re- 
quest 

ConfornHiMe  to  your  re- 
quest 

As  per  your  request 


These,  again,  are  monstrosities  of 
language  which  no  sane  salesman 
would  ever  think  of  using  in  con- 
versation. Substitute:  "We  are 
sending  you  the  catalogue  you 
asked  for;"  "We  have  examined 
our  books  as  you  siiggested  we 
should  do;"  "It  has  been  a  pleas- 
ure to  us  to  couiply  with  your  re- 
quest that  we  should,"  etc. 


In  reply  to  same 
The  material  for  same 
Notice  if  same  is  what 
you  need 


This  word  ought  to  be  regarded  as 
the  outlaw  of  business  corre- 
spondence. It  should  never  be 
used    under    any    circumstances, 


80 


BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


and  can  almost  always  be  dis- 
pensed with  without  a  substitute: 
"In  reply;"  "The  material  for  it;" 
"Notice  if  it  is  what  you  need." 


We  beg  to  hand  you 
We  beg  to  acknowledge 
We  beg  to  say 
We  beg  to  advise 


These  are  more  of  the  archaic 
phrases  that  are  used  in  business 
correspondence  but  that  are  the 
reverse  of  business-like.  Such  lan- 
gxm^e,  if  analyzed,  is  found  to 
imply  servility,  and  in  a  letter  is 
not  only  out  of  place  but  does 
not  express  the  facts.  You  hand 
your  correspondent  nothing  by 
means  of  a  letter.  And  if  you 
"beg,"  you  most  certainly  won't 
sell,  or  even  be  accorded  the  right 
to  treat  with  him  as  an  equal. 
Say:  "We  enclose;"  "We  send 
you,"  etc. 


We  beg  to  remain 


"We  remain,  yours  truly,"  is  an  ar- 
chaic survival  of  an  utterly  out- 
of-date  attempt  at  polite  formality 
for  which  modern  business  would 
have  nothing  but  contempt  if 
judgment  had  not  been  dulled  by 
habit.  Why,  then,  "beg  to  re- 
main" when  nothing  of  the  kind 
is  really  meant?  Present-day 
good  sense  dispenses  eyen  with 
the  "we  are,"  and  sanctions  the 
curtailed  close:  "Yours  truly," 
"Very  truly  yours,"  etc.,  without 
any  prefatory  language. 


The  above  will  make  It 

clear 
In  pursuance  of  the 

above 
The  above  statement 


Although  there  is  no  such  thing  in 
the  English  language  as  "above" 
in  the  sense  of  a  noun  or  of  an 
adjective,  this  glaring  error  of 
grammar  is  more  commonly 
committed  in  letters  than  any 
other.  Grammatical  English  re- 
quires: "The  foregoing  will  make 


DETAILS  OF   SALES  LET'i'ERS 


81 


We  have  your  favor, 
contents  of  which 
have  been  carefully 
noted 


We  would  state 
We  beg  to  advise 


As  per 


Your  esteemed  favor 


it  clear;"  "In  pursuance  of  what 
appears  above;"  "The  foregoing 
(or  preceding)  statement,"  etc. 

This  is  nonsense.  You  would  not 
be  writing  if  you  had  not  "noted" 
the  contents  of  the  letter.  But 
what  is  done  when  "contents  are 
noted,"  anyway?  Omit  the  entire 
statement,  and  the  letter  is  as 
good  as  it  can  possibly  be  with  it 
— and  far  less  tiresome. 

Why  not  say  what  you  have  to 
"state"  without  this  unnecessary 
preamble?  To  "advise"  when  you 
actually  are  making  a  statement 
is  an  absurdity. 

How  this  mongrel  phrase  crept  into 
business  phraseology  is  as  diffi- 
cult to  explain  as  the  phrase  itself 
is  to  defend.  It  is  not  only  bad 
English,  but  bad  form  as  well. 
Change  such  sentences  as  "We 
wrote  you  as  per  copy  herewith" 
to  something  like:     "Please  refer 

to  our  letter  of ,  a  copy 

of  which  is  attached."  Whatever 
you  choose  to  write  in  its  place, 
be  careful  never  to  use  this 
phrase  under  any  circumstances. 

Why  is  a  business  letter  a  "favor"? 
And  who  would  term  it  "es- 
teemed" if  speaking  of  a  letter  in 
conversation?  The  phrase  sug- 
gests insincerity — for  it  is  never 
meant  in  its  real  significance.  If 
it  is  necessary  or  advisable  to  ex- 
press appreciation,  why  not  do  so 
in  honest  twentieth-century  lan- 
guage, such,  for  example,  as: 
"Your  letter  gave  us  much  pleas- 
ure," or,  "We  are  greatly  pleased 
to  learn  from  your  letter,"  etc.? 


82  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Thanking  you  in  ad-  Aside  from  beginning  with  a  par- 

vance  ticiple,   which   is  bad   form,    the 

"thanking  in  advance"  is  an  ab- 
surdity. Thanks  can  be  tendered 
only  after  the  act.  Actually  this 
phrase  is  no  more  than  a  notifi- 
cation that  you  do  not  intend  to 
take  the  trouble  to  thank  your 
correspondent  properly.  It  is  both 
absurd  and,  what  is  worse,  dis- 
courteous. Say:  "I  shall  be 
greatly  obliged,"  etc. 


CHAPTER  IV 

FOLLOW-UP    LETTEKS 

It  cannot  be  expected,  of  course,  that  the  entire  list 
of  persons  to  whom  a  sales  letter  may  be  sent  will 
respond  with  orders  or  purchases.  Indeed,  there  are 
some  lines  of  business  in  which,  if  five  to  ten  per  cent  of 
such  affirmative  returns  are  secured,  the  result  is  con- 
sidered highly  satisfactory.  If  those  who  do  not  respond 
to  the  first  letter  are  nevertheless  regarded  as  live  pros- 
pects, such  as  would  warrant  further  effort,  they  will, 
of  course,  be  given  one  or  more  follow-up  letters  in  the 
hope  that  they  may  yet  be  induced  to  send  in  their- 
orders. 

Again,  notwithstanding  what  was  said  in  Chapter  II 
regarding  the  propriety  of  writing  letters  several  pages 
long,  the  nature  of  the  article  to  be  offered  or  the  class 
of  prospective  buyers  or  some  other  consideration  may 
induce  the  decision  to  carry  on  an  educational  campaign 
along  with  the  sales  effort.  Hence  it  becomes  necessary 
to  plan  a  series  of  letters  to  accomplish  this.  These, 
too,  are  follow-up  letters.  They  necessitate  separate 
consideration  from  the  class  of  follow-up  letters  first 
mentioned. 

1.      POLLOW-UPS  TO   ORIGINAL  SALES  LETTERS 

Of  the  class  of  follow-up  sales  letters  mentioned  in 
the  first  paragraph  above,  i.  e,,  those  which  are  sent 
out  because  the  first  has  evoked  no  response,  something 

83 


84  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

more  has  to  be  added  to  what  has  been  said  at  length 
on  original  sales  letters  in  the  preceding  chapters.    No 
matter  whether  one  or  several  efforts  are  made  to  induce 
a  prospect,  who  has  failed  to  reply,  to  become  a  buyer, 
each  follow-up  letter  must  be  a  complete  sales  letter  in 
itself,   differing  each  time   from   its  predecessors,   per- 
haps, in  language  and  arguments,  but  constructed  on 
the  scientific  lines  of  original  sales  letters,  such  as  we 
have  already  discussed.     Of  course  an  effort  should  be 
made  in  each  new  letter  to  present  the  subject  with  as 
much  novelty  of  form  and  argument  as  possible,  on  the 
theory  that  if  the  reader  was  not  interested  by  the  first 
presentation,  he  may  be  interested  by  having  the  sub- 
ject put  before  him  from  some  other  point  of  view.    And 
since  such  a  sales  effort  will  rarely  be  pursued  beyond 
two  or  three  follow-up  letters,  each  one  must  be  a  com- 
plete sales  letter  in  itself,  because  as  each  one  is  sent 
out,  it  is  with  the  hope  that  the  purpose  will  be  accom- 
plished, and  that  no  succeeding  letter  will  be  necessary. 
But  before  a  follow-up  is  written  to  those  who  have 
not  replied  to  your  original  sales  letter,  a  definite  inves- 
tigation and  study  of  the  replies  that  have  been  received 
should  be  carried  out.    This  is  as  important  a  step  as  is 
the  study  of  the  goods  and  of  the  prospect,  which  has 
been  discussed  in  Chapter  I.    A  little  reflection  will  show 
the  immense  importance  of  endeavoring  to  leani  from 
the  replies    (1)    what  were  the  features  in  your  sales 
letter  that  brought  the  favorable  responses,   and    (2) 
en  what  particular  points  further  effort  should  be  con- 
centrated in  order  to  impress  and  influence  the  pros- 
pects who  have  not  yet  replied.    If  this  is  possible,  you 
gain,  not  only  the  additional  business  which  results  from 
additional  orders,  but  also  that  most  valuable  informa- 
tion— how  to  improve  your  own  methods  of  attack,  and 


FOLLOW-Ur  LETTERS  85 


Gentlemen: 

We  know  prices  are  low, 
BUT 

HAVE 
YOU 

SEEN 

OURS? 

Very  truly  yours, 

A  rathei'  unusual  sales  letter.  Its  brevity  leaves  every- 
thing to  the  imagination.  But  it  is  calculated  to  awaken  inter- 
est in,  and  a  desire  for  the  price  list — and  that  is  all  that  is 
aimed  at  by  the  leter.  To  one  who  writes  for  the  price  list  the 
real  sales  letter  would  be  written,  in  the  natvire  of  a  follow-up. 
It  has  the  merit  of  being  an  excellent  means  of  discovering  who 
are  "live  prosj^ects." 


86  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

ho-w  best  to  overcome  the  resistance  that  has,  so  far, 
stood  in  the  Avay  of  making  a  sale. 

By  far  the  greater  number  of  orders  received  in 
response  to  a  sales  letter  do  not  disclose  information  of 
this  sort.  Here  and  there,  however,  will  be  found  a 
hint.  A  correspondent  will  w^rite,  perhaps:  "If  your 
Telephone  Arm  will  really  serve  two  desks,  as  you  say 
it  will,  you  may  send  me  one."  Here  j^ou  gain  a  lead 
that  shows  you  which  one  of  the  selling  points  impressed 
that  particular  customer.  Perhaps  if  you  strengthen 
this  particular  argument  in  your  follow-ups,  it  will 
impress  others  who  overlooked  it  because  it  was  not 
sufficiently  strong  or  explicit,  or  because  you  did  not 
expand  sufficiently  on  this  particular  point. 

This  is  illustrative  of  what  may  be  done,  and  shows 
what  may  be  gathered  here  and  there  from  replies  that 
will  serve  you  as  a  sort  of  ammunition  for  use  upon  those 
prospects  who  have  to  be  followed  up  with  additional 
sales  arguments. 

But  the  chief  function  of  the  follow-up  sales  letter 
lies  in  the  fact  that  a  very  large  number  of  prospects 
fail  to  respond  to  the  first  sales  letter  through  sheer 
inertia.  The  letter  itself  may  be  all  that  it  should  be, 
up  to  the  point  of  actuallj'  creating  desire;  but  it  stops 
short,  perhaps,  of  communicating  to  the  prospect  the 
necessary  .starting  power  which  results  in  buying  action. 
This  inertia  on  the  part  of  the  prospect  has  to  be  over- 
come by  subsequent  letters  that  will  prod  him  into 
action.  This  means  that  the  subject  must  be  presented 
in  a  different  manner  in  each  new  letter  sent.  Funda- 
mentally, such  follow-up  letters  must  hammer  away  at 
the  chief  selling  points,  until  the  prospect  gives  free 
rein  to  his  desire  and  takes  the  necessaiy  buying  action. 
Here  is  where  the  effectiveness  of  suggestive  descrip- 


FOLLOW-UI'   LETTERS  87 

tion  (discussed  on  pp.  18,  38,  39,)  will  prove  itself.' 
"While  each  letter  in  the  sequence  must  be  a  complete 
sales  letter  in  itself,  each  one  will  be  novel  in  form, 
always  using  new  phrasing  when  repeating  anything 
that  has  been  said  before.  The  goods  offered  may  be 
described  in  each  letter  by  suggestive  phrases  of  the 
class  illustrated  on  p.  39. 

Along  with  the  realization  of  the  value  of  suggestive 
description,  it  must  always  be  borne  in  mind  that  there 
is,  for  many  persons,  real  suggestive  power  in  mere 
repetition — not,  perhaps  of  words,  but  of  ideas.  Thus 
the  writer  of  sales  letter  should  never  feel  discouraged 
over  those  prospects  who  fail  to  respond  lo  one  letter. 
For  it  is  certain  that  among  those  who  do  not  respond 
there  are  yet  many  who  will  do  so  if  some  force  suffi- 
cient to  overcome  their  inertia  can  be  injected  into  the 
follow-up  letter.  "With  some  this  is  to  be  achieved  by 
repetition,  with  others  by  now  arguments  or  new  per- 
suasion. The  chances  are  all  in  favor  of  results  if  repe- 
tition of  ideas,  clothed  in  new  language,  is  skilfully 
used.  Hence  the  wisdom  and  even  the  necessity  of  fol- 
low-ups to  original  sales  letters. 

2.     FOLLOW-UPS  TO  INQUIRIES 

Then  there  is  the  following  up  of  an  inquiry  to  which 
you  have  replied,  but  which  has  not  resulted  in  any 
action  on  the  part  of  the  person  sending  in  the  original 
inquiry.  Great  care  should  be  taken  in  such  letters  to 
avoid  any  appearance  of  complaining  that  your  pros- 
pect has  not  replied  to  your  first  letter.  To  recapitu- 
late your  correspondent's  apparent  shortcomings  and 
your  own  grievances  by  writing,  for  example:     "You 

wrote  us  for  prices  on and  we  replied  on . 

Again  on  we  wrote  you  once  more,  repeating 


88  BETTER   BUSINESS  LETTERS 

•our  offer,  and  asking  for  a  reply.  So  far  you  have 
not  seen  fit  to  favor  us  with  a  reply,"  is  the  common 
method  of  the  unthinking  letter-writer.  But  it  is  the 
worst  sort  of  policy,  and  does  not  accomplish  its  object. 
It  is  not  even  calculated  to  induce  your  correspondent 
to  reply;  and  if  it  does  bring  an  answer,  that  answer 
is  not  likely  to  be  an  order. 

If  your  reply  to  his  original  inquiry  has  brought  no 
results,  if,  in  other  words,  he  has  failed  to  give  you  an 
order  although  he  made  the  first  move,  by  inquiring 
about  your  product,  the  fault  may  lie  with  you.  The 
chances  are  that  your  own  reply  may  not  have  been  a 
suitable  sales  letter — it  may  have  lacked  some  elements 
that  it  needed,  in  order  to  induce  him  to  buy.  In  any 
case,  he  has  apparently  lost  interest,  and  if  you  are 
wise,  you  will  carefully  examine  your  own  reply  with 
a  view  to  finding  out  whether  you  fell  short  in  your  own 
salesmanship.  The  fact  that  several  days  will  have 
elapsed  since  you  wrote  it  will  make  it  easier  for  you 
to  examine  your  own  letter  critically.  It  is  more  than 
likely  that  you  will  find  that  you  yourself  are  the 
cause  of  your  correspondent's  failure  to  "come  back." 
Here  is  your  opportunity,  not  only  to  detect  some  of 
your  own  weaknesses  in  writing  sales  letters,  but  to 
improve  on  your  own  technique  there  and  then  by  writ- 
ing such  a  follow-up  letter  as  will  actually  turn  your 
indifferent  prospect  into  a  customer — or,  at  least,  as 
will  make  him  reply  to  you. 

One  does,  of  course,  encounter  people  who  write 
inquiries  for  the  fun  of  the  thing,  with  no  real  inter- 
est in  the  goods  they  inquire  about.  Freakish  cases 
such  as  these  constitute  a  certain  percentage  of  the  cor- 
respondence of  any  business  house.  But  it  is  a  small 
percentage,  at  most,  and  should  not  be  allowed  to  have 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  89 


No.  1 

You  would  not,  of  course,  have  inquired  about 
our  line  of  repulsion-induction  motors  unless  you 
had  felt  an  interest  in  them. 

Perhaps  in  our  reply,  we  were  at  fault  in  not 
showing  you  clearly  enough  that  this  type  of 
motor  is  physically  interchangeable  with  our  single- 
phase  motors  of  the  split-phase  design,  as  well  as 
with  our  direct-current  motors  of  similar  horse- 
power, rating,  and  speed  specifications. 

You  will  readily  appreciate  the  advantage 
and  the  economy  of  this  feature.  It  allows  you  to 
equip  your  machines  with  motors  to  suit  any  local 
power  requirements,  without  any  change  whatever  in 
the  standard  dimensions  of  your  machines. 

Isn't  this  feature  alone  enough  to  commend 
our  line  to  you? 

Samples  will  cheerfully  be  sent  you  for  the 
asking- -and  without  putting  you  under  any  obligation 
whatever . 

May  we  send  them? 

This  letter,  as  well  as  Nos.  2  and  3  following,  suggest  the 
kind  of  tone  to  use  in  following  up  an  inquiry  received  from 
a  prospect  who  has  failed  to  act  on  the  reply  sent  to  his  inquiry. 


1)0  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


No.  2 

The  advantage  of  immediate  delivery  of 

that  we  were  able  to  offer  you  in  reply  to  your 

inquiry  of ought  not  to  escape  your 

interested  attention. 

It  seems  probable  that  our  letter  must  have 
failed  to  reach  you,  and  so  we  are  now  sending  you  a 
copy  of  it  along  with  this. 

The  market  is  undoubtedly  in  for  a  continued 
rise  for  some  time  to  come,  and  you  could  not  consult 
your  own  interest  better  than  by  securing  supplies 
for  which  there  is  a  big  demand  at  present.  They 
may  not  be  procurable  at  all,  if  you  wait  too  long. 

May  we  send  you  a  shipment? 

This    is    merely    a    suggestion    for    a    follow-up    where    the 
prospect  made  the  first  move  by  writing  to  inquire  for  prices,  etc. 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  91 


No.  3 

Probably  the  holidays  have  interfered  to  pre- 
vent your  replying  to  our  offer  of 

It  has  occurred  to  us,  too,  that  possibly 
the  price  we  quoted  may  have  seemed  high  to  you.  If 
so,  this  is  a  good  opportunity  for  us  to  point  out 
that  when  you  are  buying  motors,  the  price  you  pay  is 
a  very  good  index  of  the  quality  you  are  getting. 

Then  again,  when  you  are  in  the  market  for 
motors,  it  is  not  simply  a  question  of  equipping 
yourself  for  a  few  weeks,  but  for  years  ahead.  But  if 
you  get  cheap  motors,  you  are  not  equipped  for  long 
--trouble  lies  close  ahead! 

On  the  other  hand,  with  the motors, 

you  are  insured  against  breakdown,  against  weakness, 
against  interruption  of  service,  for  in  buying  them 
you  are  buying  service  of  a  lasting  sort.  Our 
guarantee  is  back  of  this. 

If  you  see  the  matter  from  this  angle,  you  will 
recognize  that  our  prices  mean  high  quality- -which 
can  never  be  cheap. 

We  can  give  you  immediate  shipment.  May  we 
have  your  order? 

Another  suggestion  of  how  to  write  when  attempting  to  revive 
the  interest  of  a  prospect  who  has  written  an  inquiry  taut 
seems   to  have   lost   interest. 


92  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

any  effect  on  the  studious  care  that  ought  to  be  exercised 
in  seeking  to  make  your  follow-up  letter  accomplish 
what  your  reply-letter  failed  to  do  in  the  first  instance. 

There  is  an  old  saying  that  is  distinctly  applicable  to 
a  case  of  this  sort :  "If  3"ou  don't  catch  any  fish,  change 
your  bait."  If  your  first  letter  (your  reply  to  the  pros- 
pect's inquiry)  does  not  elicit  a  response  of  some  sort — 
change  your  bait !  Perhaps  your  description  was  not  of 
the  sort  to  interest  him.  Figure  out  one  that  is  differ- 
ent. It  may  turn  the  trick!  Or,  if  you  gave  him  a 
really  adequate  description,  in  the  first  place,  lay  the 
stress  this  time  on  how  the  goods  will  serve  Mm  person- 
ally— on  the  advantage,  the  satisfaction,  the  labor-saving 
or  time-saving  that  lie  will  enjoy  from  their  purchase 
and  use.  In  other  words,  you  must  dangle  before  him 
some  fresh  bait.  This  time,  it  may  be,  it  should  consist 
of  more  forceful  persuasion,  such  as  we  have  discussed 
on  pp.  55-60. 

But  as  we  said  just  above,  don't  write  as  if  you  had 
a  grievance  on  account  of  his  failing  to  act  on  your  first 
letter.  Let  your  follow-up  open  with  the  fullest  friend- 
liness, somewhat  on  the  line  of  the  example  showTi  on 
the  next  page  and  of  those  on  pp.  89-91,  These  are 
offered,  of  course,  merely  as  suggestions  of  the  many 
ways  that  are  available  for  intimating,  without  directly 
saying  so,  that  you  feel  a  reply  of  some  sort  is  due 
you. 

3.     ORIGINAL  FOLLOW-UP  CAMPAIGNS 

But  a  regular  series  of  follow-up  letters  that  is  planned 
in  advance  as  constituting  a  definite  and  complete  series 
in  itself,  is  a  very  different  matter.  Here  each  letter 
must  dovetail  with  its  predecessor,  and  play  its  indi- 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  93 


In  all  probability  you  have  frequently  had 
the  experience  of  feeling  that  you  had  led  your 
prospect  well  along  toward  the  point  where  you  might 
hope  to  consummate  a  sale,  only  to  have  something 
occur  which  put  a  stop  to  the  whole  transaction. 

In  such  cases  you  have  no  doubt  felt  that  you 
would  very  much  like  to  know  just  what  it  was  that 
caused  the  hitch;  how  matters  actually  stood;  what 
the  chance  of  eventually  getting  together  really 
was. 

That  is  the  way  we  feel  about  you.  Our  cor- 
respondence of  a  few  months  ago  indicated  an 
excellent  possibility  of  doing  business  with  you. 
What  caused  you  to  lose  interest  we  don't  know. 
Without  any  "beating  around  the  bush,"  we  should 
like  to  ask,  How  about  that  order? 

Won't  you  gratify  us  by  writing  us  about  it 
TODAY? 

Very  truly  yours, 

P.  S.  We  have  just  made  up  some  dandy  Art 
Brass  Desk  Calendars.  We  have  one  for  you  if  you 
will  tell  us  that  you  care  to  have  it. 

A  follow-up  sent  by  a  manufacturer  to  a  dealer.  While  it 
does  not  offer  any  new  sales  arguments,  and  is,  therefore,  open 
to  criticism  in  this  particular,  it  shrewdly  utilizes,  by  way  of 
opening,  an  experience  that  the  dealer  has  himself  frequently 
encountered,  and  therefore  is  certain  to  awaken  interest  in  the 
reader.  Note,  too,  the  manner  in  which  the  postscript  is  used 
to  induce  the  prospect  to  write  again.  If  he  will  ask  for  the 
calendar,  he  can  hardly  escape  from  replying  to  the  question 
in   the  letter  itself. 


04  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

vidual  part  in  the  series  as  whole.  While  each  letter 
ill  the  series  must  be  a  sales  letter,  no  one  letter — 
except  it  be  possibly  the  last — will  be  complete  in 
itself,  i.  e.,  each  one  is  a  separate  link  in  the  chain 
the  information  and  the  persuasion  embodied  in  each. 

The  initial  dil^cult}^  to  be  solved  in  this  class  of  fol- 
low-up letters  is  more  serious  and  more  important  than 
any  that  will  arise  in  writing  the  individual  letters 
already  discussed.  It  involves  the  intelligent  determina- 
tion of  the  number  of  letters  that  shall  constitute  the 
chain  and  a  decision  regarding  the  part  that  each  shall 
play  in  working  out  the  plan  as  a  whole.  If  these  pre- 
liminary questions  are  met  and  decided  with  skill  and 
good  judgment,  the  actual  writing  of  the  letters  them- 
selves may  be  said  to  be  a  detail  of  minor  importance. 

1.  Number  of  Letters  in  a  Series. — On  what  should  be 
the  actual  number  of  letters  in  the  chain  many  persons 
are  to  be  found  who  entertain  fixed  ideas,  and  who  will 
declare  with  an  assumption  of  authority  that  four,  five, 
six,  or  some  other  number  is  definitely  the  best.  Despite 
this  apparent  authority,  however,  it  may  be  declared 
Avith  considerable  assurance  that  no  definite  number  can 
"be  theoretically  prescribed  as  the  standard  for  a  series. 
The  circumstances  and  purpose  involved  in  each  case, 
the  nature  of  the  article  to  be  sold  and  its  cost,  the  extent 
to  which  the  prospects  are  likely  to  need  education  on 
the  subject,  and  especially  the  question  of  how  much 
of  this  should  be  embodied  in  each  letter,  are  conditions 
that  vary  with  each  ease  and  necessitate  a  decision  to 
fit  each  case.  Two  letters  might  be  all  that  would  be 
justified  in  a  campaign  to  sell  cheap  novelties,  while  a 
dozen  probably  would  prove  scarcely  sufficient  in  a  colon- 
ization project  involving  the  sale  and  reclamation  of  land 
in  a  remote  locality. 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  95 


It's  up  to  you! 

Instead  of  that  gang  of  engineers  wearing 
out  the  back  of  their  heels  and  my  furniture,  they 
are  showing  greater  wear  and  tear  on  the  bottom  of 
their  shoe  soles. 

At  the  same  time  that  I  wrote  you,  I  also 
sent  out  a  similar  S.  0.  S.  to  some  other  manu- 
facturers. 

Almost  every  one  of  them  wrote  or  wired  for 
one  of  the  boys,  and  they  have  been  hot-footing  it 
ever  since.   And  from  all  the  reports  I  received 
from  establishments  where  they  called,  they  have 
proved  of  the  greatest  value  to  those  who  sent  for 
them. 

As  I  don't  want  them  hanging  around  this 
office  on  their  return,  I  am  wondering  if  you  are 
now  ready  for  them  to  drop  in  and  go  over  your 
blue  prints  with  you. 

They  won't  sell  you- -they  don't  know  how, 
and  they  won't  try- -but  they  will  help  you,  as  they 
know  the  foundry  game  from  A  to  Z,  and  they  may 
have  some  suggestions  for  cutting  down  your  costs. 

You  won't  be  obliged  to  me--it  will  be  just 
the  reverse,  I  assure  you. 

Shall  I  send  you  one  of  them?  , 

For  whom  shall  he  ask? 


Appreciatively  yours, 

A  second  letter  in  a  follow-up  series.  This  letter  was  signed 
by  the  president  of  the  concern,  and  was  sent  to  the  executive 
in  charge  of  the  department  that  it  was  desired  to  reach.  It 
is  a  good  example  of  a  good  will  builder,  while  being  also  a 
fine  illustration  of  a  sales  letter  designed  to  sell  service,  which 
later  on  brings  business.  Note  also  the  subtle  idea  involved 
in  the  blanks,  which  implies  the  expectation  of  a  reply  on  the 
letter  sheet  itself. 


96  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


Underwear  doesn't  lie,  or  misrepresent 
itself. 

Suppose  we  put  some  of  our  special  brand  of 
_underwear  in  your  hands,  without  expense  to 


you,  for  examination.  You  understand  underwear, 
and  you  can't  be  fooled  if  you  examine  it  yourself. 

You  will  see  that  it  is  the  best  quality  in 
each  different  weight  that  you  ever  sold- -and  you 
can  make  a  profit  of  at  least  60  per  cent  on  it. 

How  would  you  like  to  learn  the  details  of  our 
proposition? 

Don't  bother  to  write  us  a  letter.  Just  write 
across  this  one:  "I  am  interested."  Then  put  it  in 
the  enclosed  envelope  and  mail  it  today.  We'll 
do  the  rest. 

An  example  of  the  first  letter  in  a  series  of  follow-ups.  If 
it  fails  to  elicit  a  reply,  a  couple  of  letters  can  then  be  sent 
describing-  the  goods,  another  one  setting-  forth  the  proposi- 
tion on  which  they  are  offered,  a  fourth  on  the  profits  obtain- 
able, the  last  one  in  the  series  being  the  "clincher,"  designed 
to  force  action.  The  merit  of  this  letter  lies  in  the  consideration 
of  the  subject  from  the  point  of  -view  of  the  prospect  alone. 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  97 

For  a  follow-up  campaign  involving  more  than  two 
or  three  letters  a  serious  and  comprehensive  study  is 
necessary  of  the  subject  itself  and  of  the  prospective 
purchasers.  Let  us  suppose,  for  example,  that  a  col- 
onization scheme  is  about  to  be  undertaken  among. 
American  farmers,  involving  the  idea  of  selling  them 
land  in  the  Canadian  Northwest,  and  of  arranging  for 
their  migration  and  settlement  there.  Preliminary 
work  would  involve  a  classification  of  the  individuals 
to  be  written  to,  in  accordance  w^ith.  the  prices  prevail- 
ing in  their  several  localities  for  agricultural  land  and 
a  comparison  of  those  prices  with  the  prices  involved 
in  the  project  itself.  It  would  involve,  further,  details 
more  or  less  specific,  of  the  agricultural  possibilities  of 
the  land  to  be  sold,  showing  what  crops  were  suitable, 
the  crop  yield,  etc. ;  details  of  markets  available,  and 
prices  prevailing  there  for  produce ;  figures  on  rainfall, 
sunshine,  and  temperatures;  particulars  regarding 
neighborhood  communities,  etc.,  and  a  multitude  of 
other  details  which  would  appeal  to  farmers.  The  ques- 
tion of  how  many  letters  should  constitute  such  a  series 
is  one  to  be  determined  by  assembling  all  the  informa- 
tion intended  to  be  conveyed  to  the  prospects  and  by 
dividing  it  off  into  "balanced  rations,"  such  as  would 
serve  with  each  letter  to  whet  the  appetite  for  more, 
and  make  a  consecutively  interesting  story  out  of  the 
whole — a  gradually  culminating  educative  course,  as  it 
were.  Nevertheless,  each  letter  in  such  a  series  should 
invite  action  by  the  prospect.  Although  the  series  is; 
cumulative,  each  letter  in  the  series  should  be  a  complete 
sales  letter,  urging  the  prospect  to  buy.  And  each  such 
campaign  must  be  planned  on  the  theorv^  that  a  certain 
number  of  the  prospects  written  to  will  buy  after  the 
first,  after  the  second,  and  after  each  subsequent  letter 


98  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

in  the  series.  If  they  don't,  your  whole  plan  probably 
had  something  wrong  about  it. 

On  the  other  hand,  an  attempt  to  introduce  a  new 
brand  of  soap  to  the  market  would  probably  be  limited 
to  two  or  at  most  three  letters,  culminating  possibly  in 
the  offer  of  a  premium  or  other  inducement  for 
patronizing  the  neighborhood  grocer  with  an  introduc- 
tory order. 

Thus  the  question  of  the  number  of  letters  to  be 
relied  on  resolves  itself  into  a  determination  of  how  much 
educational  work  must  be  done,  and  the  extent  to  which 
each  individual  letter  in  the  series  shall  contribute  to  it. 
The  final  letter  in  the  series  must  be  the  one  with  the 
strongest  selling  appeal,  since  it  is  the  "last  chance" 
to  influence  the  prospect.  But  its  appeal  will  differ 
only  in  degree  from  those  that  have  preceded  it. 

2.  Time  Between  Letters. — The  question  of  the  time 
between  the  letters  is  an  important  one,  and  the  answer 
to  this  depends  again  a  good  deal  on  the  class  of  prospect 
involved  and  the  nature  of  the  article  offered.  In  a  gen- 
eral way,  it  may  be  said  tljat  when  educative  work  is 
involved,  as  in  the  land  colonization  scheme  just  men- 
tioned, ten  days'  interval  between  letters  is  none  too 
long.  But  where  the  appeal  is  made  to  the  bargain 
instinct,  or  to  the  gratification  of  vanity,  taste,  etc.,  two 
or  three  days  is  a  wiser  interval.  But  in  every  case 
care  must  be  taken  to  give  to  the  prospect  time  to  reply 
before  the  next  letter  in  the  series  is  dispatched.  Since 
no  risk  ought  ever  to  be  taken  that  a  follow-up  letter 
may  cross  a  reply  to  an  earlier  one  in  the  series,  allow- 
ance must  be  made  for  the  distance  the  letter  has  to 
travel  as  well  as  for  the  presumable  habits  of  the  pros- 
pect in  respect  to  correspondence.  This  may,  of  course, 
necessitate  the  application  of  a  different  time  rule  to 


FOLLOW-UP  LLTTERS  99 

My  good-natured,  hard-working  partner,  Hill 
Igelback,  just  told  me  this: 

"Ed,  there's  several  hundred  good  folks  we've 
never  met  in  this  neighborhood  who  own  motor  cars-- 
they've  never  honored  us  with  their  patronage.  I 
wonder  why?  We  tried  hard  to  make  a  friend  of  every- 
one with  whom  we  came  in  contact.  Perhaps  they  are 
not  familiar  with  our  service." 

Frankly,  it  rather  puzzled  me,  so  I  said: 
"Hill,  if  you're  willing,  I'll  write  a  letter  to 
everyone  that  the  list  shows  we  haven't  met,  and  tell 
them  just  what  we're  trying  to  accomplish." 

So  here  it  is. 

You're  getting  battery  service  at  some  time, 
somewhere,  aren't  you?  Is  it  satisfactory?  Does 
the  battery  man  really  appreciate  your  patronage? 
Does  he  show  you  the  little  courtesies  that  make  you 
feel  he's  sincerely  interested  in  you  and  your  car? 

Hill  and  myself  are  ambitious  fellows.  We're 
trying  hard  to  carve  a  place  for  ourselves  in  the 
business  world.  We  want  to  be  right  here  for  years  to 
come,  and  we'd  like  to  meet  you  now. 

We  want  you  to  feel  that  our  interest  doesn't 
center  around  your  pocket-book.  It's  a  fact  that 
"he  who  serves  best  profits  most  in  the  long  run." 

Won't  you  stop  in  today?  We'll  bear  acquaint- 
ance. You'll  find  a  warmth  of  feeling  and  a  spirit 
of  sincere  service  that  most  folks  say  is  unusual 
in  the  motor  car  game. 

Sincerely  yours, 

P.  S.  Your  Willard,  Vesta,  Presto,  any  bat- 
tery that  you  have- -drop  in  with  it- -our  free 
inspection  service  will  better  its  performance 
for  you. 

A  type  of  friendly  "starter,"  or  opening  letter  in  a  follow-up 
series  which  was  planned  in  a  campaign  to  attract  patronage 
in  a  motor-car  battery  service.  Its  conversational  and  per- 
suasive tone  is  worth  noting. 


100  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

different  sections  canvassed,  and  especially  to  the  habits 
of  the  class  of  prospects  written  to ;  and  the  plan  of  cam 
paign  must  arrange  for  giving  to  this  detail  full  con- 
sideration. 

3.  Wlicn  Printed  Blatter  Is  Enclosed. — Extensive  fol- 
low-up campaigns  will  often  involve  sending  printed 
matter  with  some  or  all  of  the  letters  in  the  series.  The 
printed  matter  may  be  general  in  its  nature,  such  as  a 
stock  circular ;  or  there  may  be  a  series  of  printed  docu- 
ments, prepared  to  accompany  the  letters  of  the  series, 
and  describing  the  different  features  of  the  proposition. 
It  is  then  a  question  of  the  relation  that  the  letters  in 
the  series  should  bear  to  the  printed  matter,  and  what 
part  each  should  play  in  carrying  the  sales  argument  to 
the  prospect. 

The  general  rule  to  be  followed  is  that  the  printed 
matter  should  contain  all  the  information,  the  details, 
the  facts,  the  description.  The  letters  should  address 
themselves  to  persuasiA'e  argument,  seeking  to  interest 
the  prospect  in  the  information  which  is  to  be  derived 
from  the  accompanying  document.  It  is  through  the 
latter  that  the  actual  proposal  should  reach  the  conscious- 
ness of  the  prospect.  The  main  idea — at  least  in  the 
early  letters  of  the  series — must  be  to  get  the  prospect 
interested  so  that  he  will  be  willing  to  turn  to  the  docu- 
ments to  obtain  the  details  of  the  sales  proposal.  If  the 
printed  matter  is  properly  prepared,  it  will  contain 
material  calculated  to  interest  him  still  further,  namely, 
the  sales  offer  or  proposal  itself,  set  forth  in  full  detail 
and  in  attractive  form. 

The  chief  object  of  the  letter,  then,  is  to  induce  the 
reading  of  the  accompanying  document.  The  letter 
has  its  function  in  starting  the  interest  which  the  docu- 
ment will  be  designed  to  intensify  through  description 


FOLLOW-UP  LETTERS  101 

and  persuasion.  If  the  letter  should  go  into  the  details 
of  the  proposal,  covering  much  the  same  ground  as  does 
the  document,  the  printed  matter  itself  will  get  scant 
attention. 

This  must  not  be  taken  to  imply  that  it  will  be  suffi- 
cient for  the  letter  to  urge  the  prospect,  in  dull  and 
uninteresting  language,  to  "examine  the  enclosed  circu- 
lar, which  will  give  all  necessary  information."  Such 
vagueness  will  neither  interest  nor  lead  to  the  desired 
action.  Language  of  this  sort  repels  rather  than  attracts. 
There  must  be  some  sort  of  relation  between  the  letter 
and  the  printed  matter.  In  other  words,  the  letter  must 
"sell"  the  idea  of  reading  the  printed  matter. 

If,  for  example,  the  campaign  is  one  designed  to  sell 
land  to  farmers  on  a  colonization  plan,  the  voluminous 
information  that  must  be  given  would  be  more  effective 
if  presented  in  printed  form,  and  can  be  gone  into  with 
much  greater  detail  than  is  desirable  in  letters.  The 
successive  letters  in  the  series  would  seek  to  awaken 
interest  in  the  printed  data,  as  well  as  in  the  project 
itself.  An  example  of  how  this  may  be  done  is  given 
on  p.  102,  This,  you  will  notice,  is  apparently  not  a  com- 
plete sales  letter,  in  that  it  does  not  seek  to  induce  the 
prospect  to  buy  offhand.  Its  object  is,  rather,  to  induce 
him  to  inquire — to  show  his  interest  in  some  affirmative 
way.  The  proposition  is  too  big  to  justify  the  expecta- 
tion of  selling  the  prospect  at  once.  Nevertheless,  the 
example  given  is  a  sales  letter  in  the  sense  that  it  seeks 
to  sell  the  idea.  If  the  prospect  can  be  induced  to  reply 
— and  he  probably  will  not  do  this  unless  he  reads  the 
data  in  the  printed  matter — he  is  already  half  sold.  He 
can  then  be  followed  up  with  letters  and  information 
calculated  to  meet  his  own  particular  case,  and  of  a  more 
personal  sort  than  it  would  be  possible  to  make  of  the 


102  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


Do  you  realize  that  your  investment  in  Illi- 
nois land  at  :$200  to  ^250  per  acre  is  a  burden-- 
something  of  a  liability? 

A  farm  of  from  100  to  300  acres  represents  at 
these  prices  a  capital  of  from  ^20,000  to  ^75,000. 
If  this  were  converted  into  cash,  it  would  earn  you 
at  least  6  per  cent  without  labor  or  effort.  Thus 
your  farm  should  yield  you  6  per  cent  on  its  invest- 
ment value,  plus  a  reasonable  additional  return  for 
the  risk  of  crop  failure,  plus  what  your  time  and 
effort  and  management  are  worth. 

Do  you  get  this  much? 

Perhaps  you  have  never  thought  of  it  in  this 
way? 

Now  suppose  you  were  able  to  purchase  land  just 
as  fertile  as  your  present  land,  and  at  ^200  less  per 
acre,  and  just  as  close  to  the  railroad  and  to  market. 
Do  you  realize  that  you  could  earn  the  same  returns 
on  one- third  the  capital  that  you  now  have  invested? 

If  a  proposition  of  this  sort  sounds  good  to 
you,  look  into  it  a  little  further,  by  reading  the 

enclosed  statement  of  the colonization  plans. 

It  won't  cost  you  a  cent  to  read  about  it,  but  it  will 
show  you  that  you  really  can  do  what  we  have  hinted 
at.  You  will  find  there  lots  of  facts  to  show  you 
that  you  can  make  as  good  a  living  as  you  do  now,  and 
with  far  less  capital  tied  up. 

Tonight,  when  you  get  home,  and  after  you 
have  read  the  printed  sheet,  just  write  across  this 
letter:   "I  am  interested,"  and  send  it  to  us.  We 
will  show  you  how  you  can  investigate  for  yourself, 
without  any  expense  whatever. 

Do  it  tonight! 


FOLLOW-UP   LETTERS  103 

rest  of  the  series  itself,  which  is  planned  for  those  who 
have  not  yet  replied. 

A  good  rule  to  observe  when  addressing  a  sales  letter 
to  business  men  is  to  avoid  mailing  it  at  such  a  time  as 
will  result  in  its  being  delivered  on  a  Saturday  or  on  a 
Monday.  The  former  is  usually  a  half-day,  devoted  to 
clearing  up  the  deferred  accumulations  of  the  week, 
and  the  latter  usually  brings  with  it  a  large  access  of 
new  business  which  absorbs  the  mind  and  makes  it 
decidedly  unreeeptive  to  most  sales  propositions.  In 
any  case,  a  sales  letter  has  a  better  chance  of  attentive 
consideration  on  the  other  days  of  the  week. 

As  a  final  piece  of  advice,  you  are  urged  to  practice, 
and  to  keep  on  practicing  the  principles  that  we  have 
discussed  as  applicable  to  sales  letters  of  every  sort. 
It  is  comparatively  easy  to  master  the  rules  appli- 
cable to  sales  and  business  letters  generally,  so  as  to 
laiow  them  well  in  theory.  The  difficulty  comes  when 
one  first  tries  to  put  them  into  practice. 

You  have  been  urged,  for  instance,  to  eliminate  the 
"we"  phrases  and  to  substitute  the  use  of  "you"  sen- 
tences. Try  this  when  next  you  sit  down  to  dictate.  It 
will  not  come  as  easily  as  you  may  expect  after  reading 
about  it.  To  break  away  from  the  old  vapid,  flat  forms 
of  expression  that  you  have  been  accustomed  to  use  in 
dictation  and  in  writing,  and  to  make  your  communica- 
tions over  into  real  sales  talks  is  no  easy  matter  at  first, 
even  as  it  is  no  easy  matter  to  break  away  from  any 
established  habit.  If  it  were  as  simple  as  it  seems,  there 
would  not  be  much  justification  for  writing  about  it  at 
length. 

Experience  will  show  you,  as  was  stated  in  Chapter  II, 
that  it  is  necessary,  day  after  day,  to  refer  back  to  the 
principles   underlying   successful    work,    and   day    after 


104  BETTJ3R  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

day  to  fight  the  temptation  to  fall  back  on  the  old  phrases 
and  the  old  style  of  letters.  But  this  is  what  others  have 
gone  through,  and  so  must  you.  Keep  this  book  on  your 
desk ;  refer  to  it  as  you  prepare  to  dictate ;  get  hold  of  a 
principle  so  completely  that  you  can  work  with  it.  Your 
letters  will  soon  begin  to  pull — and  the  improved  results 
will  be  a  joy  to  you,  and  a  stimulus  to  do  better  still  next 
time. 


CHAPTER  Y 

COLLECTION   LETTERS 

So  far,  we  have  giveu  our  attention  to  a  discussion  of 
the  sales  letter  in  its  various  forms.  We  have  yet  to 
consider  the  collection  letter. 

This  differs  from  the  former  in  that,  while  the  sales 
letter  seeks  to  persuade  a  man  to  buy  something  from 
you,  the  collection  letter  seeks  to  induce  him  to  give  up 
something  to  y(^u.  Fundamentally  each  necessitates  the 
exercise  of  the  same  qualities  of  salesmanship.  The  prin- 
ciples enumerated  in  Chapter  I  are  as  applicable  to  one 
class  of  letter  as  to  the  other.  That  is  to  say,  the  collec- 
tion letter,  notwithstanding  that  it  embodies  a  request 
for  money,  must  endeavor  to  excite  interest,  to  awaken 
a  wish  to  settle  the  debt,  to  bring  about  a  decision  to 
remit — and  to  induce  the  action  itself.  Technically, 
therefore,  the  collection  letter  must  "sell"  its  subject 
to  the  debtor,  in  bringing  him  to  a  lively  recognition  of 
the  creditor's  rights,  and  in  inducing  him  to  act  on  that 
recognition. 

Again,  as  with  the  sales  letter,  the  collection  letter 
should  display  the  dominant  tone  of  what  we  have 
termed  the  "written  conversation."  It  is  as  necessary 
to  impress  a  collection  letter  with  the  personality  of  the 
writer  as  it  Avas  shoA\Ti  to  be  in  the  case  of  the  sales 
letter.  The  "  we  "  element  must  likewise  be  subordinated 
to   the    "you"   element,   and   the  same   considerateness 

105 


lOG  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


Have  you  overlooked  our  account  of  $ t 

a  statement  of  which  was  sent  you  in  September  and 
October? 

Probably  you  have. 

Will  you  let  this  be  a  reminder  that  it  is 
now  a  month  overdue,  and  let  us  have  a  remittance, 
please? 

An  example  of  a  friendly  first  dun  in  the  form  of  an  inquiry. 
This  can  never  give  offense,  and  is  likely,  by  its  frank  friendli- 
ness, to  evoke  a  response — probably  of  explanation,  which  is 
exactly  what  is  desired. 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  107 

toward  the  customer's  interest  and  toward  his  i)oint  of 
view  is  necessary  here  as  before. 

The  important  dilference  to  be  emphasized  is,  as  was 
intimated  above,  that  here  you  are  demanding  some- 
thing- of  your  correspondent  as  a  matter  of  right — some- 
thing which  is  justly  due  you — but  which  is  withheld 
from  you.  This  is  your  new  relation  to  him — you  are 
his  creditor,  and  he  is  the  delinquent.  The  skill  of  the 
collection  letter-writer  lies  in  the  method  by  which  he 
expresses  this  relationship  in  pressing  his  demands. 
How  this  should  be  determined  upon  we  are  now  to 
consider. 

The  dominant  thought  to  be  borne  in  mind  in  plan- 
ning the  framework  of  this  type  of  letter  is  that  one 
appeal  to  the  debtor  may  possibly  not  produce  results. 
He  may  have  to  be  pursued  with  increasing  pressure 
until  the  last  step,  i.e.,  the  threat  of  legal  proceedings, 
is  reached.  One  has,  therefore,  to  have  in  mind  a  gradu- 
ated series  of  appeal,  pressure,  demand,  and  threat,  and 
each  successive  letter  to  the  same  debtor  must  be  planned 
as  one  in  a  progressive  series.  The  question  of  how 
many  letters  should  be  planned  for  the  series  is  always 
a  troublesome  one,  and  its  answer  has  been  found  to 
depend  very  materially  on  the  nature  of  the  creditor's 
business  and  the  class  of  his  customers.  A  house  selling 
furniture  on  instalments,  for  example,  has  a  class  of 
customers  very  different  from  those  who  patronize  the 
wholesale  dry  goods  dealer.  The  i)urchascr  of  furniture 
on  instalment  is  scarcely  regarded  as  a  customer  whose 
future  trade  can  be  counted  on,  and  who,  in  a  sense,  may 
be  said  to  form  a  part  of  the  established  trade  of  the 
concern;  while  the  merchant  who  purchases  his  stock 
from  the  wholesaler  may  reasonably  be  considered  a 
steady  and  permanent  customer  whose  requirements  are 


108  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

to  be  counted  on  as  having  to  be  met  at  stated  seasons  in 
the  course  of  each  j-ear.  Between  these  two  classes  lies 
a  wide  gradation  of  customers  w^ho  are,  of  course,  sus- 
ceptible of  classification,  but  who,  even  if  divided  into 
classes,  will  still  require  different  individual  treatment, 
in  case  of  delinquency. 

In  the  case  of  the  "casual"  customer  who  is  delin- 
quent, one  or  perhaps  two  collection  demands  may  be 
considered  enough,  as  a  rule,  and  the  severity  of  each 
successive  demand  may  be  regulated  by  this  considera- 
tion. 

The  steady,  permanent  customer  w^ho  unexpectedly 
falls  behind  in  meeting  his  regular  bills  is  in  another 
class  entirely. 

Nevertheless,  letters  intended  for  either  class  must 
embody  a  iew  identical  principles.     These  are: 

1.  The  first  demand  for  payment  of  an  overdue 
account  should  be  regarded  as  an  attempt  to  reach  a 
mutual  understanding — embodying  the  old  idea  that  the 
letter  is,  as  far  as  it  is  possible  to  make  it  so,  a  sort  of 
written  conversation.  If  you  met  your  debtor  face  to 
face,  instead  of  writing  to  him,  you  would  first  seek  to 
find  out  ivliy  he  had  not  paid,  and  you  would  endeavor 
to  reach  some  ground  of  mutual  understanding  in  as 
pleasant  a  manner  as  possible.  This  tone  should 
dominate  every  first  letter,  when  no  such  understanding 
exists  already. 

2.  In  order  to  reach  such  an  understanding,  the 
debtor  should  be  asked  in  appropriate  language,  what 
are  the  special  causes  of  his  delinquency,  and  what  his 
present  circumstances  are  (see  sample  letter  shown  on 
p.  109.)  If  this  is  done  delicately,  perhaps  with  sympa- 
thy,, perhaps  humorously,  it  is  likely  to  induce  frank- 
ness in  his  reply,  if  not  a  hurried  remittance — if  from  no 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  109 


If  we  were  to  step  into  your  office  today, 
should  we  be  welcome?  Should  we  have  the  pleasure 
of  a  hearty  handshake,  a  smile,  and  a  pleasant 
"how-do-you-do?"  We  like  to  think  we  should,  at 
any  rate. 

Nevertheless  our  statement  of  your  account 
that  we  have  sent  you  twice  already  has  received  no 
kindly  notice  from  you--in  fact,  none  at  all. 

We  should  like  our  letters  to  receive  the  same 
attention  from  you  that  we  should  hope  to  receive 
ourselves,  if  we  were  to  step  into  your  office.  In 
other  words,  this  is  a  plea  for  recognition. 

We  should  like  to  ask  that  you  sit  down  and 
write  to  us  about  it,  before  your  name  comes  back  to 
our  mind.  You  need  not  mention  your  account  unless 
you  want  to.  But,  to  be  frank,  we  really  should  like 
to  have  a  few  friendly  lines,  telling  us  how  you  are 
situated.  May  we? 

An  example  of  the  friendly  letter,  which  seeks  to  elicit 
information  on  which  to  judge  of  future  procedure.  It  may 
seem  to  have  too  much  of  the  "we"  element,  but  it  serves  to 
impress  the  reader  with  the  friendliness  of  the  creditor  concern. 


110  UETTER   BUSINESS  LETTERS 

other  motive  than  to  preserve  the  good  will  you  show 
you  entertain  for  him,  and  perhaps  also  in  order  to 
show  that  he  needs  neither  sympathy  nor  special 
consideration. 

3.  Accommodation  of  the  customer — "service" — 
should  be  as  much  the  stock  in  trade  of  the  wise  and 
far-seeing  merchant  as  is  his  actual  stock  of  goods.  This 
word  "service"  can  be  made  as  comprehensive  as  the 
individual  business  man  wishes  to  make  it.  But  it  is 
elementary  to  regard  it  as  covering  the  giving  of  satis- 
faction to  the  customer — and  keeping  him  satisfied. 
Therefore  it  is  the  part  of  wdsdom  so  to  frame  the  first 
letter  in  pursuing  a  delinquent  debtor  as  to  find  out 
whether  he  has  any  grounds  of  complaint,  whether  he 
needs  accommodation,  whether  he  has  noted,  indeed,  that 
his  account  is  overdue,  and,  generally,  what  are  the  cir- 
cumstances surrounding  his  case. 

Thus  the  first  letter  will  usually  be  in  the  nature  of  a 
' '  feeler, ' '  which  will  probably  elicit — ^affirmatively,  by  a 
reply,  or  negatively,  by  his  silence — some  idea  regarding 
the  delinquent,  on  which  the  next  step  may  be  based. 
Under  ordinary  circumstances  it  will  be  found  extremely 
wise  to  frame  the  first  letter  on  these  principles. 
As  was  hinted  just  above,  the  customer's  point  of 
view  is  the  important  thing;  and  a  shrewd  appraisal  of 
his  side  of  the  case  will  furnish  the  necessary  equipment 
for  a  decision  as  to  the  tone  of  such  subsequent  letters 
as  may  be  necessary.  This  may  often  be  easily 
obtained  by  making  the  last  paragraph  in  the  letter 
consist  of  a  friendly  inquiry  about  the  condition  of  the 
customer's  business,  a  cordial  intimation  that  his  patron- 
age is  valued,  and  perhaps  even  an  interesting  reference 
to  a  new  line  of  goods  which  you  tell  him  you  would  like 
him  to  have,  and  in  which  you  think  he  w^ill  be  interested. 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  111 

Cordiality  is  an  element  that  at  this  stage  should  never 
be  absent  from  the  letter. 

The  "first  letter"  idea  is,  after  all,  merely  common 
sense,  as  well  as  good  business.  Harshness  shown  to  the 
wrong  individual  or  at  the  wrong  time  is  poor  business 
indeed,  and  the  first  letter  of  which  we  have  spoken  tends 
to  procure  information  on  which  to  judge  intelligently. 
And  it  should  be  borne  in  mind  that  the  country  mer- 
chant, particularly,  is  not  especially  well  grounded  in 
business,  and  if  he  is  slow  pay,  this  is  no  indication  of 
dishonesty  but  more  probably  of  slow  collections  at  his 
end.  A  harsh  collection  letter  will  alienate  him, 
although  you  may  have  already  spent  time  and  money 
in  sending  salesmen  to  get  his  trade  in  the  first  instance. 

The  best  safeguard  against  a  false  step  at  the  outset 
in  a  situation  of  this  kind  is,  once  again,  to  visualize 
yourself  as  talking  to  your  debtor,  and  to  let  your  letters 
be  the  outcome  of  such  a  visualization.  Your  decision 
and  your  language  will  be  more  nearly  you. 

If  subsequent  letters  are  necessary,  they  will  fall 
somewhere  between  the  extremes  of  the  classes  which, 
we  have  illustrated  above  by  the  reference  to  the  cus- 
tomer of  the  furniture  instalment  house  and  the  cus- 
tomer of  the  wholesale  dry  goods  house. 

1.  Commercial  Accounis. — For  our  present  purposes 
this  term  may  be  taken  to  cover  all  ordinary  business 
indebtedness,  as  distinguished  from  "retail"  indebt- 
edness" and  from  that  incurred  on  the  "instalment 
basis. "  It  is  in  dealing  with  this  class  that  the  elements 
of  salesmanship  really  come  into  play. 

Here  the  customer  is,  presumably,  a  regular  one — a 
merchant  or  dealer — and  he  is  to  be  regarded  as  a  part 
of  the  assets  of  your  business.  To  preserve  his  good 
will,  therefore,  while  reminding  him  of  his  obligation  to 


112  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

you,  should  be  the  controlling  idea.  On  the  other  hand, 
you  are  asking  nothing  of  him  but  what  it  is  your  right  to 
have.  And  the  preservation  of  the  delicate  balance 
between  your  rights,  on  the  one  hand,  and,  on  the  other, 
the  customer's  good  will,  perhaps  also  his  very  ability 
to  survive  in  business,  is  a  difficult  proceeding,  depend- 
ing so  greatly  on  circumstances  that  it  calls  for  the 
exercise  of  even  greater  skill  than  is  involved  in  selling. 
This  will  serve  to  emphasize  the  need  of  the  "point  of 
contact"  element,  founded  on  a  knowledge  of  the  facts 
in  each  case. 

Although  you  are  demanding  what  is  due  you,  it  will 
never  pay  to  base  your  demand  on  the  ground  that  you 
need  the  money  or  that  you  will  be  inconvenienced  for 
want  of  it.  Your  customer  has  had  value  received  when 
he  incurred  the  debt,  and  the  sole  ground  for  you  to 
take  is  that  it  is  justly  due.  If  you  lower  your  attitude 
to  pleading  for  the  money,  you  put  yourself  on  your 
debtor's  level,  for  he  very  likely  needs  the  money  too, 
or  he  would  not  be  in  arrears  !  Self-interest  will  prompt 
him  to  erect  an  excuse  out  of  such  a  situation  by  tacitly 
determining  that  of  the  two  he  is  the  one  who  needs  it 
more! 

If  you  stand  on  your  rights,  if  you  refuse  to  lower 
your  dignity  by  appealing,  if  you  so  frame  your  demand 
that  your  customer  is  made  to  feel  that  you  are  not 
bluffing  but  you  mean  exactly  what  you  say,  there 
is  nevertheless  room  for  showing  a  cordial  interest  in  his 
affairs,  for  evincing  a  consideration  for  his  difficulties 
or  his  temporary  embarrassment,  that  will  leave  his  good 
will  unimpaired.  It  is  important  to  bear  in  mind  your- 
self, and  to  let  your  customer  feel,  that  the  mere  fact 
that  he  has  fallen  behind  in  his  payments  is  not  of  itself 
any  reason  for  forfeiting  your  consideration. 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  113 


Surely  you  know  that  your  failure  to  pay  your 
account,  now  overdue,  works  a  hardship  on  us,  and 
seriously  impairs  your  own  credit.  We  cannot  afford 
to  do  business  with  you  on  this  sort  of  basis,  and 
without  a  more  scrupulous  regard  on  your  part  for 
your  obligations.  We  must  insist  on  a  remittance  by 
return  mail,  as  a  failure  on  your  part  to  settle  will 
embarrass  us  greatly. 

A  good  example  of  what  NOT  to  write  at  any  stage  of  attempt- 
ing to  collect.  Notice  the  unwise  claim  that  the  creditor  "needs 
the  money."  This  is  a  common  tone  of  collection  letters,  but 
should  be  carefully  avoided. 


Ill  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Before  resort  is  had  to  dunning  letters,  it  is  of  course 
desirable  to  effect  a  settlement  in  the  usual  manner,  if 
possible.  The  sending  of  statements  is,  naturally,  the 
first  step ;  when  this  has  failed  to  bring  a  remittance  in 
ordinary  course,  the  question  becomes  a  serious  one: 
Shall  we  dun  him  or  not  ?  Frequently  one  is  forced  to 
the  conclusion  that  a  "dunning"  collection  letter  must 
be  sent.  There  is  always  one  more  effort  that  can  be 
made,  intermediate  between  the  regular  statement  and 
the  dunning  letter.  This  is  a  rubber  stamp  or  other 
endorsement  to  the  effect  that  the  account  is  past  due, 
and  that  a  remittance  is  requested.  The  use  of  a  rubber 
stamp  for  this  purpose  makes  the  request  more  imper- 
sonal, and  therefore  less  likely  to  irritate! 

Analogous  to  the  rubber  stamp — perhaps,  even,  on 
account  of  its  humorous  element — is  the  affixing  of  a 
gummed  sticker  to  the  statement,  of  the  nature  of  the 


accompanying  illustration.  Its  object  is  at  once  under- 
stood by  the  delinquent  customer — and  he  is  frequently 
induced  to  take  the  hint  and  to  act  on  it  because  of  the 
entire  absence  of  the  element  of  a  formal  dun. 

Some  firms  find  that  it  pays  to  enclose  with  their 
monthly  statement  (after  it  has  been  sent  once  or  twice 
without  any  payment  being  made)  a  printed  slip  read- 
ing somewhat  after  this  fashion: 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  115 

IMPORTANT 

Our  terms  are  thirty  days  net.  We  must  ask  a 
strict  observance  of  these  terms,  and  payment  of  our 
account  when  due,    according   to   these   terms. 

At  any  rate,  some  step  of  this  kind  is  worth  taking 
before  the  serious  step  of  writing  real  collection  letters 
is  resorted  to. 

Most  large  wholesale  or  jobbing  houses  with  a  long  list 
of  customers  are  compelled  to  resort  to  form  letters  in 
effecting  collection  of  overdue  accounts.  A  series  of, 
say,  four  or  as  many  as  six  letters  is  prepared  with  care 
and  after  much  experiment,  Avhich  will,  as  nearly  as 
possible,  be  adaptable  to  every  case  alike.  By  "form 
letter"  is  not  meant  the  use  of  blank  letters  previously 
written  or  multigraphed  by  the  score  and  filled  in  as 
each  case  arises.  But  as  a  time  saver,  a  standard  or 
"master"  letter  can  be  prepared  for  each  step  in  the 
progress  of  deferred  collections,  which  is  copied  for  use 
as  each  case  arises.  This  practice  has  the  disadvantage 
of  lacking  the  personal  element,  which  is  here  a  most 
effective  means  of  bringing  about  results.  In  large 
establishments,  however,  it  is  frequently  impossible  to 
follow  any  but  this  routine  method. 

If  the  use  of  form  letters  can  be  avoided,  it  permits 
a  free  departure  from  routine,  and  the  adoption  of  a 
special  course  of  action  for  each  special  case.  The  series 
of  four  illustrative  letters  given  on  pp.  116-19  preserves 
the  personal  element  in  the  first,  and  shows  the  gradation 
from  cordial  considcrateness  to  the  final  stern  demand. 
The  letters  are,  of  course,  framed  on  the  assumption  that 
the  debtor  makes  no  reply  to  either.  Each  letter  is 
designed  to  elicit  a  reply,  and  each  is  calculated,  by  its 
gradually    increasing   remoteness   of   tone,    to   have    its 


116  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


No.  1 

Your  previous  regularity  in  caring  for  your 
account  with  us  as  it  fell  due  leaves  no  doubt  in  our 
mind  that  you  have  a  perfectly  good  explanation  for 

overlooking  the  current  account  for  $ which 

is  now  a  little  past  due.  Will  you  allow  this  to 
serve  as  a  reminder  of  the  fact,  and  be  good  enough 
to  send  us  a  check  to  cover  the  amount. 

We  are  expecting  shortly  a  new  and  very 

attractive  line  of in  which  you  will 

assuredly  be  interested.  It  should  be  the  very  thing 
for  your  trade,  and  will  afford  an  opportunity  for 
opening  a  very  profitable  line,  which  will  be 

readily  salable.   Our  Mr. will  shortly 

submit  samples  to  you,  and  we  hope  your  opinion 
will  agree  with  ours. 

In  the  meantime,  how  about  sending  you  some 


more 


9 


With  cordial  good  wishes,  we  are 
Yours  very  truly, 

This  sort  of  cordiality,  accompanying  an  incidental  reference 
to  the  overdue  account,  will  usually  induce  a  merely  careless 
customer  to  reciprocate,  at  least  by  sending-  a  partial  remit- 
tance in  an  effort  to  "save  his  face."  It  leaves  the  relations 
between  the  parties  unimpaired.  And,  further,  any  sort  of 
reply  elicited  by  such  a  letter  furnishes  a  basis  on  which  to 
determine  what  further  steps  shall  be  taken. 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  117 


No.  2 

You  know,  of  course,  that  your  account  is 
now  considerably  overdue.  This  is  a  little  sur- 
prising, in  view  of  the  reminder  which  we  sent  you 
on 

If  there  is  any  reason  for  this  that  you  think 
we  ought  to  know,  why  not  be  frank  and  tell  us 
about  it?  You  have  our  assurance  that  it  will  be 
given  consideration. 

Your  reply  will  be  awaited  with  interest. 

This  letter  is  suitable  in  the  case  of  a  customer  whose  account 
is  still  regarded  as  desirable.  It  leaves  the  door  open  for  a 
resumption  of  the  former  pleasant  relations.  With  customers 
who  are  not  regarded  as  valuable,  it  may  be  omitted  fr.om  the 
series  altogether. 


il8  1>ETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


No.  3 

Since  you  have  failed  to  reply  to  either  of 
our  previous  communications,  calling  your  attention 
to  your  past-due  account,  we  are  forced  to  the  con- 
clusion that  your  failure  to  send  us  a  remittance  is 
not  due  to  an  oversight. 

We  must  now  insist  that  you  pay  the  amount 
due  {$ )  by . 

At  this  stage,  conciliation  and  salesmanship  are  worthless. 
The  customer  who  ignores  previous  letters  is  undesirable  as  a 
future  prospect,  and  the  collection  of  his  account  is  all  that 
the  house  is  interested  in. 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  11{) 


No.  4 

Your  account  for  S is,  as  you  know, 

long  past  due.  You  have  not  only  offered  us  no 
explanation  for  this  delay  in  effecting  a  settle- 
ment, but  have  ignored  our  three  previous  com- 
munications on  the  subject. 

Unless  we  receive  a  remittance  by_ 


we  shall  take  steps  to  effect  its  collection  by  legal 
process,  without  further  notice  to  you. 

(Note. — The  words  "return  mail"  may  be  considered 
appropriate  for  insertion  in  the  blank,  in  some  cases.) 

At  this  point  no  re(iourse  remains  taut  to  convey  the  stern 
threat  of  enforced  collection.  The  customer  is  entitled  to  no 
further  consideration,  and  the  creditor  shows  this  in  his  tone 
and  language. 


120  BETTER   BUSINESS  LETTERS 

effect  on  the  various  classes  of  customers  that  can  be 
influenced,  some  by  the  withdrawal  of  one's  regard, 
some  by  veiled  threats,  some  by  open  threats. 

2.  Instalment  Collectimis. — Assuming  that,  on  a 
knowledge  of  the  circumstances  derived  from  sending 
a  first  letter  of  the  kind  just  described,  it  is  decided 
that  the  instalment  debtor's  case  is  to  be  treated  accord- 
ing to  routine,  one,  or  perhaps  two  collection  letters  will 
be  all  that  is  customary  before  proceeding  to  regain 
possession  of  the  goods  (if  this  is  provided  for  by  the 
terms  of  sale),  or  to  institute  proceedings.  What  will 
then  be  actually  the  second  letter  in  the  series  will 
remind  the  debtor  of  the  friendly  advance  made  in  the 
first  and  will  stress  the  fact  that  he  has  given  no  reason 
for  his  failure  to  remit  the  overdue  payments.  Insist- 
ence shovild  follow,  demanding  a  remittance  by  a  defi- 
nite date,  with  the  added  statement  that  the  account 
will  not  be  permitted  to  remain  open  after  that  date. 
This  implied  threat,  which  still  leaves  the  door  open, 
will  have  its  effect  in  bringing  many  a  slow  debtor  to 
time.  This  class  of  collection,  having  usually  the  secur- 
ity behind  it  of  the  right  to  recover  the  goods  in  case 
of  default,  requires  less  diplomacy,  and  results  are  more 
quickly  attained,  than  in  the  case  of  the  ordinary  com- 
mercial account  or  of  the  unsecured  debt. 

3.  Retail  Accounts. — With  the  retail  merchant,  collec- 
tions are  on  a  somewhat  different  footing.  jNIany  of  his 
customers  are  unfamiliar  with  the  rigid  promptness  with 
which  business  men  in  general  meet  their  obligations. 
Many  of  them,  especially  women,  are  often  inclined  to 
think  that  a  delay  of  a  few  weeks  is  of  no  consequence, 
and  with  some — fortunately  very  few — the  receipt  of  a 
reminder  is  regarded  as  in  the  nature  of  an  insult. 

Furthermore,  the  retailer  is  generally  more  reluctant 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  121 


Your  agreement  to  pay  $ per  month  for 

the  series  of volumes  constituting  the 

series  of has  not  been  kept,  and  for  some 

reason  our  previous  letter  to  you  on  the  subject  has 
not  been  replied  to. 

We  understand,  of  course,  that  making  small 
remittances  is  an  annoying  thing,  and  that  it  is 
natural  to  put  it  off  from  time  to  time.  You  have, 
however,  received  the  full  set  of  volumes,  and  we 
have  felt  full  confidence  in  your  good  intentions. 

As  you  can  readily  understand,  your  account, 
along  with  thousands  of  others,  represents  a  serious 
matter  of  business  with  us,  and  we  are  obliged  to 
insist  on  prompt  payments  from  our  patrons,  to  the 
extent,  even,  of  taking  all  necessary  measures  to 
compel  payment. 

Before  we  take  any  such  steps,  however,  we 
are  willing  to  make  it  worth  your  while  to  pay  up  all 
arrears  and  the  balance  of  the  account  as  well.  If 
you  will  do  this,  we  will  send  you  a  handsome  map  of 
Europe,  showing  the  newly  adjusted  boundary  lines  of 
the  nations,  as  settled  by  the  Peace  Conference. 
This  is  a  valuable  map  and  is  well  worth  one  of  the 
instalments  due  on  your  contract. 

If  you  wish  to  avail  yourself  of  this  offer, 
it  will  be  necessary  to  act  immediately,  otherwise 
we  shall  assume  that  it  is  up  to  us  to  proceed  to 
collect  from  you  what  is  due  us. 

Simply  sign  the  accompanying  order,  enclose 
the  amount  necessary  to  close  your 


account,  and  mail  at  once. 

Example  of  a  case  where  instalments  are  small,  and  legal 
process  proportionately  expensive.  To  offer  an  inducement  to 
settle  in  full  is  cheaper.  The  letter  conveys  the  necessary  threat 
in  a  form  which  usually  induces  a  settlement.  The  wi.sdom  of 
such  an  offer  is  questionable — but  it  is  one  that  is  sometimes 
made  in  order  to  save  expense  of  collection. 


122  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

than  is  the  jobber  or  wholesakn'  to  class  a  customer  as 
undesirable,  to  the  extent  of  being  indifferent  as  to 
whether  or  not  his  collection  efforts  will  give  offense. 
He  is  generally  much  more  inclined  to  leniency  and  to 
the  subordination  of  his  rights  for  the  time  being  to  the 
effort  to  retain  the  delinquent  customer's  good  will. 
Accordingly  most  retailers  would  feel  that  the  types  of 
collection  letters  illustrated  for  wholesalers  and  jobbers 
are  unsuited  to  this  class  of  customers.  With  some  rea- 
son, therefore,  the  tone  of  collection  letters  for  the  ordi- 
nary retail  business  differs  somewhat  from  what  has  been 
discussed  above. 

The  term  "retailer"  is  a  comprehensive  one,  of 
course,  and  includes  the  great  department  stores  as  well 
as  the  small  store  whose  trade  consists  mostly  of  cash 
customers.  There  is,  of  course,  a  wide  difference  between 
the  elaborate  provision  made  by  the  former  to  win  and 
retain  the  good  will  of  customers  and  the  indifference 
displayed  to  these  features  by  the  smaller  outlying  store. 
Notwithstanding  these  wide  differences,  the  principle 
governing  the  frame  and  form  of  the  collection  letter 
in  the  retail  trade  may  be  considered  to  be  that  the  reten- 
tion of  the  good  will  of  the  customer  is  more  important 
than  the  strict  enforcement  of  prompt  payment.  The 
ordinary  customers  in  the  retail  stores  who  buy  on  credit 
may  usually  be  classed  as  follows:  (1)  those  who  are 
slow  but  sure  pay,  including  the  very  wealthy  as  well  as 
those  with  no  financial,  but  high  moral  responsibility; 
(2)  those  who  have  every  intention  of  paying,  but  who 
have  met  with  temporary  misfortune ;  (3)  those  who  have 
no  intention  of  paying  until  forced  to  do  so.  Here,  then, 
much  more  than  with  mercantile  debtors,  the  moral 
character,  the  social  standing,  and  the  financial  strength 
of  the  debtors  will  have  weight  in  determining  the  pro- 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  123 

cedure  and  the  tone  of  the  letters  used  in  seeking  to 
effect  collections. 

In  this  branch  of  business  bills  are  ordinarily  ren- 
dered once  a  month,  and,  in  the  ordinary  course,  settle- 
ment of  the  bill  is  expected  monthly.  Although,  as 
already  stated,  rigid  promptness  is  sometimes  not  to  be 
insisted  on,  experience  has  shown  that  the  longer  a  delin- 
quent customer  is  allowed  to  go  without  a  reminder  or 
other,  stronger,  suggestion  that  payment  is  expected, 
the  more  indifferent  he  becomes,  and  the  harder  it  is  to 
collect  from  him. 

Balancing  this  fact  against  any  desire  that  may  be 
felt  to  placate  the  customer  and  to  retain  his  good  will, 
the  first  step  that  may  well  be  taken  after  the  bill 
becomes  delinquent  is  to  send  a  reminder  that  is  purely 
impersonal,  and  which,  from  its  nature,  is  made  to 
appear  as  a  part  of  the  regular  routine.  This  is  com- 
monly accomplished  by  means  of  a  rubber  stamp  notice 
affixed  to  the  regular  monthly  statement,  reading  after 
this  manner:  ''This  account  is  Past  Due.  Please 
remit."  The  rubber  stamp  is  preferable  to  a  written  or 
typewritten  endorsement,  as  being  more  impersonal  and 
as  least  likely  to  create  irritation  at  this  stage. 

If  this  fails,  it  may  be  deemed  desirable  to  make  use 
of  the  personal  collector,  who  calls  at  the  office  or  at  the 
home  with  more  or  less  diplomacy.  With  this  method 
we  are  not  concerned. 

The  second  step  by  mail  should  usually  be  as  dignified 
as  the  first,  but  has  a  little  more  of  the  personal  element 
about  it.  It  still  assumes  that  the  failure  to  pa.y  is  merely 
a  case  of  forgetfulness,  and  this  fiction  dictates  the  spirit 
of  the  reminder.  This  step  involves  attaching  to  the 
statement  of  account  a  printed  or  multigraphed  blank 
form,  substantially  as  follows: 


124  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Permit  us  to  call  your  attention  to  the 

attached  account  of  | for  the  month  of 

which  has  doubtless  escaped  your  notice. 

A  prompt  remittance  will  be  duly  appreciated. 

Yours  very  truly, 

To  make  use  of  this  sort  of  blank  form  involves  les.s 
risk  of  giving  offense  than  if  it  were  sent  in  the  form 
of  a  letter.  Since  it  is  a  blank  that  has  been  filled  in  for 
the  occasion,  it  is  evident  to  the  customer  that  it  is  a 
part  of  the  regular  routine  and  involves  no  "personal" 
reflection. 

When  attempts  of  this  sort  fail  to  produce  results, 
the  real  "collection  letter"  must  be  resorted  to.  Yet 
even  now,  the  first  attempt  may  with  good  reason  afford 
the  customer  an  opportunity  to  "make  good"  without 
a  loss  of  prestige  or  self-respect.  He  may  be  reminded 
that  his  credit  has  been  regarded  as  good,  and  that  while 
his  delay  in  settling  has  occasioned  no  uneasiness,  it  is 
up  to  him  to  protect  his  credit;  or,  again,  his  sense  of 
justice  may  be  appealed  to,  provided  it  is  done  in  a 
dignified  manner.  The  retailer  will  generally  have  a 
more  intimate  knowledge  of  the  circumstances  of  the 
debtor  (or  will  be  in  a  position  to  obtain  it),  than  is 
often  the  case  with  the  wholesaler  or  jobber,  and  hence 
it  will  usually  be  easier  for  him  to  adapt  each  letter  to 
fit  the  special  circumstances  of  each  case. 

If,  however,  the  point  is  finally  reached  where  it 
becomes  necessary  to  threaten  proceedings,  it  is  equally 
as  important  here,  as  with  the  commercial  account,  to 
employ  dignifiedly  brief  yet  emphatic  language.  Let- 
ters of  the  sort  illustrated  by  Nos.  3  and  4,  on  pp.  118, 
no,  should  be  written  without  excuses  or  apologetic  lan- 
guage. And,  if  once  sent,  the  threat  should  be  promptly 
and  rigidly  lived  up  to.     Information  spreads  rapidly 


COLLECTION  LETTERS  125 


For  some  reason,  doubtless  an  oversight  on 
your  part,  your  check  covering  your  account  for 

$ ,  now  already  three  months  overdue,  has 

not  reached  us. 

Your  patronage  has  always  been  highly  appre- 
ciated,  and  your  name  has  been  retained  on  our  books 
with  much  satisfaction.     You  will  readily  appre- 
ciate, no  doubt,   that  promptness  in  meeting  one's 
obligations  is  the  basis  of  all  business  relations. 

And  won't  you  also  agree  with  us  that  in 
justice  to  yourself  as  well  as  to  us,  you  should  see 
to  it  that  this  delay  does  not  continue  any  longer? 

Of  course,  it  is  easy  to  understand  that  over- 
sights such  as  this  occur  very  easily.  Please  do  not 
trouble  to  apologize,   for  none  is  necessary. 

But  won't  you  send  us  a  check  today? 

An  example  of  affording-  the  customer  an  opportunity  to 
"make  good"  without  any  sense  of  having  been  hounded  to  it. 
It  -appeals  to  his  sense  of  justice  and  his  regard  for  his  repu- 
tation; yet  it  provides  an  excuse  for  the  delay  and  saves  the 
customer  from  having  to  offer  one. 


12(5  BETTER  BUSINESS  BETTERS 

to  the  effect  that  a  concern  does  not  go  the  limit,  but 
merely  bluffs  when  it  threatens,  and  a  reputation  of  this 
sort  is  sure  to  entail  serious  losses  in  the  end. 


CHAPTER  VI 

ANSWERING    COMPLAINT    LETTERS 

Letters  embodying  complaints  may  come  from  so  many 
sources  and  result  from  so  many  causes  that  it  is  some- 
what difficult  to  attempt  to  lay  down  many  rules  regard- 
ing the  proper  form  of  reply.  The  content  and  the  sinrit 
of  such  replies  are,  however,  another  matter.  Exam- 
ples given  in  the  course  of  this  chapter  should  be  studied 
for  their  tone,  rather  than  for  their  exact  language. 

A  complaining  customer  may  have  a  perfectly  reason- 
able ground  for  his  "kick,"  and  on  the  other  hand,  it 
may  well  prove  to  be  the  case  that  the  customer  is  abso- 
lutely unreasonable,  and  has  no  legitimate  basis  for 
complaint.  The  complaint  may  be  based  on  the  quality 
or  the  asserted  unsuitability  of  the  goods;  it  may  be 
founded  on  delay  in  delivery,  or  poor  packing,  or  on 
any  one  of  a  dozen  grounds.  And,  from  the  point  of 
view  of  the  seller,  the  reason  alleged,  whatever  it  is,  may 
be  entirely  without  merit  as  a  basis  for  a  claim.  The 
seller  may  even  suspect  the  customer  of  unfairness — or 
even  of  a  dishonest  desire  to  obtain  some  unjustified 
concession.  He  may  feel  that  he,  himself,  rather  than 
the  customer,  is  the  injured  one.  These  are  all  possi- 
bilities, and  we  shall  consider  them  as  we  proceed. 

It  is  well  to  remember  that  customers  have  a  long 
memory  and  a  tongue,  as  well.  Each  of  these  may  be 
made  a  valuable  asset  or  a  dangerous  liability  for  the 

127 


128  ]  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

seller,  according  to  circumstances.  Moreover,  custom- 
ers are  the  very  foundation  of  business  and  of  business 
good  will.  They  are,  therefore,  to  be  regarded  as  the 
seller's  good  friends,  and,  in  the  main,  are  to  be  treated 
as  one  would  treat  a  friend. 

We  shall  consider  the  nature  of  various  complaints 
later.  It  is  well,  however,  to  recall  in  advance  of  this 
discussion  that,  no  matter  what  the  nature  of  the  com- 
plaint, the  reply  should  be  dictated  on  the  principle  of 
the  ''soft  answer  that  turneth  away  wrath" — and  it 
will  be  found  to  pay  large  and  cumulative  dividends 
that  will  later  immeasurably  exceed  any  present  loss 
involved  in  making  concessions.  And,  no  matter  what 
sort  of  criticism  is  offered  by  the  customer,  he  should  be 
made  to  feel  that  suggestions  and  criticisms  are  ivel- 
comed,  and  that  it  is  a  pleasure  to  have  them  laid  before 
one  in  a  form  which  permits  of  their  being  considered 
and  replied  to. 

Further,  the  ''confession  and  avoidance"  method  of 
the  lawyer — admitting  and  explaining  away — is  often 
extremely  efficacious,  in  that  it  flatters  the  self-esteem 
of  the  customer.  What  if  his  complaint  does  seem  to 
you  to  be  unjust?  You  can  probably  find  some  excuse 
for  him,  and  then  proceed  to  answer  his  complaint  from 
that  standpoint.  Even  here,  the  wisdom  of  taking  the 
point  of  view  of  the  customer,  rather  than  one's  own, 
will  be  apparent  on  consideration.  Even  here,  it  will 
not  pay  to  say  brutally  that  he  is  wrong  and  unreason- 
able. Some  sort  of  concession  to  his  pride  will  make  it 
easier  in  the  end  to  urge  one's  own  point  of  view,  and 
easier,  also,  for  him  to  accept  it. 

Before  we  proceed  to  an  analysis  of  the  different  situ- 
ations involved  in  business  complaints,  it  may  be  well  to 
consider  what  is  the  legal,  as  well  as  the  moral,  relation 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  129 

of  the  buyer  and  seller,  the  two  parties  involved  in  the 
complaint. 

It  should  be  remembered  that  the  buyer — the  man 
whose  letter  of  complaint  is  under  consideration — has 
received  goods  from  the  seller,  and  that  he  has  them 
because  he  ordered  them.  This  means  that  the  seller 
has,  in  good  faith,  parted  with  his  goods  at  the  request 
of  the  buyer,  and  that  if  he  is  not  at  fault  in  his  share 
of  the  transaction,  the  seller  is  legally  as  well  as  morally 
entitled  to  consider  the  sale  as  a  completed  transaction. 

It  is  not  often,  though,  that  the  situations  arising  out 
of  complaints  can  be  handled  on  this  basis  alone.  No 
matter  what  the  strict  legal  rights  of  the  seller  may  be, 
there  are  other  considerations  which  overshadow  mere 
rights,  and  which  dictate  their  subordination  to  consid- 
erations which  affect  the  future.  There  is  a  wise  busi- 
ness rule  that  should  in  most  cases  be  regarded  as 
suspending  the  legal  and  moral  rights  of  the  seller,  and 
that  may  be  stated  thus:  ''No  sale  or  other  business 
transaction  should  be  considered  complete  until  the  cus- 
tomer is  fully  satisfied  with  his  share  in  the  transac- 
tion." As  we  have  shown  in  the  case  of  collection  let- 
ters, the  customers  on  one's  books  represent  an  asset — 
are  part  of  the  good  w^ill  of  the  business — and  the  reten- 
tion of  their  good  will  results  in  a  sort  of  continuing 
investment  that  brings  in  continuous  returns.  The 
cumulative  value  of  a  satisfied  customer  is  something 
that  cannot  be  estimated.  Potentially,  he  may  be 
counted  on  to  send  in  new  customers  sooner  or  later. 
In  like  manner,  the  potential  injury  that  a  dissatisfied, 
customer  can  cause  is  incalculable,  for  he  may — and- 
probably  will — prejudice  or  cause  the  loss  to  the  house 
of  numerous  other  customers,  in  the  course  of  time.  It 
is,  therefore,  good  business  common-sense  to  keep  legal 


130  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

rights  in  the  background,  and  to  make  the  satisfying  of 
the  customer  the  supreme  object. 

If  this,  then,  is  to  be  the  controlling  attitude  in  which 
one  approaches  the  consideration  of  letters  of  complaint, 
it  will  not  be  a  difficult  matter  to  realize  that  very  few 
persons  indeed  really  mean  to  be  unfair,  and  that,  from 
tlie  writer's  point  of  view,  there  is  some  basis,  of  some 
sort,  for  most  complaints  that  arise  in  the  conduct  of 
business.  The  complaint  may  be  founded  on  a  mistaken 
impression  of  the  writer's,  and  that  can  be  explained  to 
him  in  the  reply ;  or  it  may  be  founded  on  a  legitimate 
reason,  and  such  a  complaint  calls,  of  course,  for  an 
adjustment.  If  one  is  predisposed  in  favor  of  the  custom- 
er's attitude,  and  is  prepared  to  make  allowances  for  his 
point  of  view,  complaints  can  generally  be  handled  in 
such  a  manner  as  to  result  in  an  increase  of  the  good 
will  of  the  house,  rather  than  in  friction  or  dissatisfac- 
tion to  both  sides  of  the  transaction. 

Practically  ever^^  complaint,  of  course,  that  results 
from  sales  or  other  transactions  involving  an  order  and 
its  execution  will  be  found  to  require  some  sort  of  inves- 
tigation before  it  can  be  acted  on  or  disposed  of  on  its 
merits.  Yet,  as  we  shall  see  later,  some  business  houses 
make  a  practice  of  allowing  complaints  or  claims  grow- 
ing out  of  sales,  irrespective  of  whether  or  not  they 
are  themselves  at  fault.  It  will  be  well,  therefore,  for 
us  to  consider  the  handling  of  complaints  from  the 
point  of  view  of  the  two  distinct  policies : 

1.  Where  the  seller  adopts  the  fixed  policy  that  the 
customer  is  always  right,  and  allows  the  claim  at  onc3. 

2.  Where  the  seller  investigates  complaints,  in  order 
first  to  ascertain  the  facts  underlying  them,  so  as  to  be 
able  to  reach  a  decision  on  the  merits  of  each  case  as  to 
their  disposition. 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  131 

1.      WHEN   THE    CLAIM    IS    WITHOUT    MERIT,    BUT    IS 
GRANTED   AS   A   MATTER   OF   POLICY 

IVIany  reputable  business  houses  have  one  unvarying 
rule,  which  is  considered  as  applicable  under  practically 
all  conditions,  and  which  must  control  the  tone  of  the 
reply  to  practically^  all  complaints.  This  is  the  adage 
that  "The  customer  is  always  right." 

"While  it  is  impossible,  from  the  very  nature  of  the 
case,  if  this  rule  is  the  policy  to  be  followed,  to  suggest 
more  than  a  framework  for  reply  letters  of  this  class, 
there  are,  nevertheless,  certain  general  principles  which 
should  dominate,  even  when  pursuing  this  extremely 
liberal  policy.  It  may  be  difficult  to  put  such  a  rule 
into  practice ;  it  may  be  felt  that  in  recognizing  the  rule 
one  is  allowing  one 's  self  to  be  victimized ;  it  may  even 
prove  difficult  to  frame  a  reply  in  the  face  of  the  fact 
that  the  customer  may  be  utterly  in  the  wrong.  These 
things  can  be  done,  how^ever,  and  the  experience  of 
those  who  hold  this  policy  has  proved  it  to  be  one  of  the 
best-paying  principles  on  wiiich  to  model  one's  business 
procedure.  And  so,  if  the  rule  is  adopted,  one  might 
as  well  "say  it  with  flowers" — and  as  graciously  as 
passible ! 

Suppose,  first,  a  simple  case — that  of  a  customer  who 
has  placed  a  quantity  order  based  on  a  previous  inspec- 
tion of  a  sample.  After  the  shipment  reaches  him,  he 
writes  to  say  that  as  the  goods  do  not  now  appeal  to 
him,  or  that  as  they  arrived  a  day  or  two  later  than 
he  expected,  he  will  either  keep  them  if  a  concession  is 
made  in  the  price,  or  will  ship  them  back  for  credit. 
His  attitude  is  utterly  unreasonable  and  unjustified,  and 
yet  there  is  scarcely  one  case  in  a  hundred  in  which  it 
is  not  policy  to  reply  pleasantly",  cheerfully  assenting  to 
the  return  of  the  goods — not,  it  will  be  observed,  assent- 


132  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

ing  to  the  proposed  concession  in  price.  There  are 
special  cases,  of  course,  involving  a  special  manufacture 
to  fill  the  specific  order  in  which  insistence  on  compli- 
ance with  the  original  arrangement  is  necessary.  But 
even  in  such  a  case — ' '  say  it  with  flowers ' ' ! 

Or,  suppose,  next,  that  the  customer  has  ordered  a 
machine  under  the  mistaken  belief  that  it  is  adapted  to 
his  needs,  and  that,  on  trying  it  out,  he  finds  that  it  is 
actually  unsuitable.  Another  sale  may  be  lost  in  the 
meantime  by  the  seller,  owing  to  the  machine's  having 
been  shipped  out  to  the  first  customer;  there  may  be 
considerable  expense  entailed  in  receiving  it  back.  Yet 
nothing  wdll  ever  convince  your  customer,  if  he  demands 
it,  that  it  is  not  your  plain  duty  to  permit  its  return. 
And  a  refusal  would  probably  not  only  leave  him  with 
an  undying  grudge,  but  result  in  a  propaganda  amoug 
his  acquaintances  against  the  seller — a  procedure  that 
might  be  cumulative  in  its  effects  and  might  result  in 
many  an  additional  and  unforeseeable  loss  of  sales  to 
other  customers  in  the  future. 

The  difference  between  the  right  and  the  wrong  tone 
is  illustrated  by  the  letter  on  p.  134  and  by  that  on  the 
opposite  page  (135).  The  all-important  rule  that  these 
letters  serve  to  emphasize  is :  Don 't  begin  your  letter 
with  an  argument  against  the  return  of  the  goods,  and 
then  wind  up  with  a  grudging  consent  to  their  return. 
Be  human  first  of  all,  and  do  your  arguing  after  you 
have  shown  yourself  to  be  human. 

Examine  first  the  letter  on  p.  135.  It  is  not  difficult 
to  realize  that  as  the  customer  reads  on  through  this 
letter,  he  will  be  likely  to  grow  more  and  more  obstinate 
in  his  determination  to  send  back  the  goods.  Instead  of 
winning  him  over  to  a  decision  to  retain  them,  the  very 
fact    that    the    seller    argues    against    the    customer's 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  133 

position  and  does  so  in  an  aggrieved  tone,  serves  to 
alienate  the  customer  still  more.  Telling  a  man  that 
he  is  unreasonable  is  not  convincing — it  is  irritating. 
The  unwilling  consent  granted  at  the  end  either  is  an 
implied  admission  on  the  part  of  the  writer  that  he 
ought  really  to  agree  to  take  back  the  shipment,  or  else 
it  is  an  impolitic  and  l^elated  effort  to  win  the  customer's 
good  will  after  having  first  tried  to  shame  him  into  with- 
drawing his  demands. 

Turn  next  to  the  first  letter,  and  note  that  the  entire 
discussion  is  in  reverse  order,  as  compared  with  the 
second  letter.  At  the  very  outset  the  customer  is  won 
over  by  being  told  that  his  rights,  his  advantage,  are 
uppermost  in  the  mind  of  the  seller.  At  once  the  customer 
is  made  to  realize  that  here  he  is  dealing  with  a  house 
that  will  ' '  do  the  square  thing. ' '  Unconsciously  he  is  at 
least  wavering  by  now,  so  that  as  he  reads  farther  he 
is  in  a  frame  of  mind  that  tends  to  make  him  disposed 
to  listen  to  the  mild  argument  that  follows,  particularly 
if,  as  here,  the  argiiment  is  framed  to  show  him  where  Ji  is 
advantage  lies,  and  does  not  harp  on  the  rights  of  the 
seller.  And  the  concession  that  is  offered  him  in  connec- 
tion with  the  new  bill  of  goods  which  is  suggested  and 
which  he  can  sell  in  connection  with  the  earlier  ship- 
ment, is  calculated  to  persuade  him  to  decide  to  retain 
the  very  goods  he  earlier  wanted  to  return,  cmd  to  place 
an  additional  order  as  well.  In  a  large  proportion  of 
the  cases  where  the  right  kind  of  letter  is  written,  the 
goods  won't  have  to  be  taken  back,  even  though  the  cus- 
tomer is  told  to  send  them  back  in  accordance  with  his 
wishes. 

The  contrast  here,  then,  is  between  a  letter  that  accom- 
plishes nothing  in  the  way  of  persuasion-,  and  serves 
only  to  irritate  an  already  discontented  customer,  and  a 


134  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 


So  you  are  not  altogether  satisfied  with  those 
dresses! 

By  all  means  send  them  back,  if  you  don't  like 
them.  We  are  not  in  business  to  unload  undesirable 
or  undesired  goods  on  our  friends,  and  if  they  don't 
please  you,  we'd  rather  have  them  back  than  not. 

Are  you  altogether  sure,  though,  that  they 
would  not  make  a  dandy  bargain  line  for  a  "sale"? 
You  know,  we  quoted  you  an  extremely  low  figure  on 
these,  and  you  can  afford  to  sell  them  'way  below 
regular  prices  and  yet  make  an  unusual  profit.  And 
they'll  sell,  too--no  doubt  about  it.   In  our 
opinion,  you  are  really  passing  up  a  good  thing. 

Think  this  over.  You  might  do  much  worse  than 
keep  this  line.  But  it's  up  to  you,  of  course,  for  we 
are  absolutely  ready  to  take  them  back. 

Take  a  look  at  the  sample  of and 

of that  we  are  enclosing.  Wouldn't  they 

make  a  pretty  good  line  to  sell  along  with  the 
dresses?  If  you  decide  to  keep  the  latter,  we  shall 

be  glad  to  bill  you  these at  ninety  days, 

and  you  could  easily  sell  the  whole  shipment  in  that 
time. 

Just  tell  us  what  you  prefer,  and  we'll  be 
perfectly  satisfied,  either  way. 

Compare  this  with  the  letter  on  the  opposite  page.  Note 
the  friendly  agreement  at  the  very  beginning,  with  the  cus- 
tomer's point  of  view,  and  the  way  in  which  his  interest  is 
sought  to  be  aroused  by  means  of  a  counter-proposition.  This 
is  calculated  not  only  to  make  him  willing  to  forego  his  inten- 
tion of  returning  the  goods,  but  even  to  place  another  order 
for  more!  Thus  a  "human"  letter  can  make  a  friend  instead  of 
an  enemy,  and  also  tend  to  turn  into  a  profitable  transaction 
one  that  bids  fair  to  entail  a  loss. 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  135 


We  have  your  valued  favor  of  September  9, 
complaining   about   the   recent   shipment   of 


from  us,  and  declaring  your  intention  to  return  them. 

These  dresses  were  sold  you  at  a  figure  'way 
below  the  market,  and  of  course,  under  the  circum- 
stances, you  cannot  expect  them  to  be  above  all 
criticism.     We  sold  you  a  bargain,   however,  because 
you  can  very  readily  sell  them  at  a  good  profit. 

They  are  excellent  quality  and  entirely  up- 
to-date,   and  if  they  are  a  little  off-color,    as  you 
state,    it   is  not  a  defect  that  is  noticeable,   or 
likely  to  injure  your  trade. 

So  much  time  has  elapsed  since  shipment  that 
it  is  a  little  unreasonable  of  you  to  expect  us  to 
take  them  back.     When  we  sell  a  bill  of  goods,  we 
expect  it  to  stay  sold.     How  else  could  we  do  busi- 
ness?   And  as  they  are  easily  salable,  we  don't  under- 
stand the  need  for  the  concession  you  ask. 

However,    if  you  feel  we  ought  to  take  them 
back,  we'll  agree  to  it.     You  are  hereby  authorized 
to  return  them. 

A  good  example  of  "how  not  to  do  it."  Such  a  letter  could 
only  niake  the  customer  more  determined  than  ever  to  return 
the  goods,  and  is  more  likely  to  make  him  feel  permanently 
sore  over  the  grudging  manner  in  which  assent  is  given  to 
his  proposal.  Compare  this  with  the  friendly  attitude 
expressed  in  the  letter  on  the  opposite  page. 


136  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

letter  that  instantly  and  cheerfully  grants  the  customer 's 
request  but  couples  the  action  with  a  politic  argument 
and  a  subtle  suggestion  that  is  likely  to  make  the 
customer  abandon  his  first  intention,  keep  the  goods, 
and  order  more  besides.  It  is  the  difference  between 
alienating  the  good  will  and  support  of  a  customer 
through  the  ill-advised  argument  that  he  is  injuring  you, 
and  the  strengthening  of  the  good  will  of  the  customer 
by  telling  him  that  you  are  thinking  of  Ids  interests 
when  you  make  your  decisions. 

Few  purchasers  are  able  to  realize  that  their  purchase 
is  only  one  of  hundreds  or  of  thousands,  and  that  it  is 
perhaps  among  the  most  insignificant  of  the  lot.  Few 
are  able  to  realize  that  a  complaint  involves  an  examina- 
tion of  order  slips,  correspondence,  shipping  records, 
and  financial  records.  Hence,  while  such  an  investiga- 
tion is  proceeding,  and  even  if  it  is  given  the  most 
prompt  attention,  a  few  days  may  elapse  before  a  reply 
can  be  made,  based  on  the  merits  of  the  transaction. 
This  delay,  if  the  customer  is  left  in  the  meantime  with- 
out any  acknowledgment  of  his  claim,  is  likely  to  breed 
impatience  and  irritation  in  his  mind,  which  tend  to 
make  him  less  and  less  inclined  to  view  the  matter  rea- 
sonably, or  from  any  other  standpoint  than  that  which 
his  irritation  has  created.  Hence  the  wisdom  of  the  rule 
that  an  acknowledgment  of  the  claim  be  sent  on  the 
same  day  that  the  letter  is  received.  It  commits  the 
writer  to  nothing  specific,  but  holds  the  good  will  of 
the  customer  by  persuading  him  of  the  good  faith  of 
the  house  he  is  dealing  with.  Above  all,  it  prevents  his 
impatience  from  growing  and  from  warping  his  own 
good  judgment. 

A  letter  acknowledging  the  receipt  of  the  claim  and 
promising  speedy  adjustment  on  its  merits  as  soon  as 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  137 


Thank  you  for  your  letter  of  the  9th  inst., 
in  which  you  make  it  quite  clear  why  you  think  you 
should  not  pay  our  bill  in  full. 

When  you  ordered  the  book  on  "Advertising" 
from  us,  you  did  so  on  the  blank  which  coupled  the 
offer  of  the  book  with  a  year's  subscription  to  "The 
Advertiser."  The  regular  price  of  the  book  is  S2, 
but  it  was  offered  at  50c  in  connection  with 
the  subscription,  as  a  premium  on  the  latter.  We 
supposed  that  you  understood  it  that  way.  Evidently 
it  was  not  made  as  clear  as  we  thought  we  had  made  it. 

Under  the  circumstances,  we  are  going  to  ask 
you  to  accept  the  book  without  further  obligation. 
We  are  glad  to  take  the  same  view  of  the  matter  as 
you  do,  and  we  assure  you  that  we  have  no  desire 
to  demand  any  more  from  you  than  what  you  understood 
to  be  due  at  the  time  of  ordering. 

Example  of  a  "good  will  builder."  The  concession  asked  by 
the  customer  is  often  unreasonable.  But  if  it  is  granted,  it  should 
be  granted  in  as  pleasant  a  manner  as  would  be  shown  when 
accepting  an  order.  All  that  there  is  in  it  for  the  seller  is  the 
good  will  it  creates. 


138  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

these  are  ascertained,  written  in  the  tone  of  the  example 
given  on  p.  139,  is,  after  all,  no  more  than  ordinary 
courtesy.  Yet  it  contributes  immensely  to  convincing 
the  customer  that  his  interests  are  not  ignored — which, 
on  the  other  hand,  is  the  inference  he  draws  from  a 
failure  to  acknowledge,  followed  by  a  lapse  of  several 
days,  however  natural  and  necessary  the  latter  may  be. 

2.     WHERE  CCMI>LAINTS  ARE  INVESTIGATED  BEFORE 
ACTION   IS   TAKEN 

Investigation  will  usually  require  more  or  less  time, 
of  course.  The  rule,  however,  that  the  complaint  should 
be  acknowledged  on  the  same  day  on  which  it  is  received 
should  be  inexorably  followed.  It  must  be  remembered 
that,  from  the  customer's  standpoint,  his  purchase,  and 
consequently  his  complaint,  is  the  sole  transaction  of 
any  importance. 

The  principles  which  should  govern  the  granting  of 
the  claim  as  a  whole  are  equally  applicable,  of  course,  to 
cases  where  it  is  considered  wise  to  make  a  partial  con- 
cession, on  the  same  ground  of  policy  that,  in  another 
case,  dictates  the  granting  of  the  entire  claim.  If  there 
is  to  be  any  concession  at  all,  let  it  be  made  cheerfully 
and  not  grudgingly  or  as  an  act  of  charity.  A  letter  such 
as  that  on  the  next  page  is  certain  to  create  a  good  impres- 
sion on  the  mind  of  the  recipient,  and  while  the  conces- 
sion may  involve  a  slight  present  loss,  the  "publicity" 
and  good  will  that  it  will  earn  are  well  worth  the  sum 
involved — indeed,  could  seldom  if  ever  be  purchased  for 
such  a  sum  through  direct  advertising. 

Investigation  of  a  claim  on  its  merits  before  taking 
action  on  the  customer's  complaint  will  usually  result  in 
developing  one  of  the  following  four  situations : 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  139 


Your  letter  of  July  8,  calling  our  attention 
to  an  overcharge  of  ^21. 95  in  the  statement  of  your 
account  for  June  arrived  this  morning.  It  is  a 
matter  of  great  regret  to  us  that  you  should  have  been 
subjected  to  any  inconvenience  through  any  act  of 
ours,  and  we  are  investigating  the  matter  with  all 
possible  promptness. 

You  will  understand,  we  hope,  that  the  item 
involves  a  search  through  a  good  many  charging  slips 
and  records,  and  we  hope  that  you  will  indulge  us 
for  a  few  days  until  this  can  be  effected. 

You  may  rest  assured  that  any  error  on  our 
part  will  be  promptly  corrected  as  soon  as  we  are  in 
possession  of  the  facts. 

Letter  acknowledging'  receipt  of  claim,  promising  no  more 
than  an  adjustment  on  the  merits,  but  tending-  to  keep  the  cus- 
tomer satisfied,  pending  the  necessary  examination  into  the 
facts. 


140  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

1.  Tlie  fault  is  found  actually  to  be  with  the  seller, 
and  the  customer's  complaint  is  well  founded. 

2.  The  seller  is  found  to  be  free  from  blame,  but  some 
third  party,  such  as  the  railroad  or  express  company,  is 
at  fault. 

3.  The  fault  lies  partly  with  the  seller  and  partly 
with  the  customer. 

4.  The  complaint  is  based  on  a  misunderstanding 
regarding  the  goods  on  the  part  of  the  customer. 

1.  Where  the  Claim  Is  Granted  Because  the  Seller  Is 
in  the  Wrong. — Thus  far,  we  have  considered  cases  where 
the  complaint  is  settled  on  the  basis  of  a  concession  made 
from  motives  of  policy,  although  the  claim  may  possess 
little  or  no  merit  in  itself. 

There  arise,  of  course,  many  cases  where  the  customer 
is  actuallj^  in  the  right,  and  where  he  is  entitled  to 
adjustment  as  a  matter  of  mere  justice.  Here  the  posi- 
tion to  be  taken  by  the  seller  is  not  one  about  which  there 
can  be  any  question.  The  more  frankly  the  mistake  is 
admitted,  the  better.  In  doing  so,  it  is  always  wise  to 
offer  a  brief  explanation  of  how  the  mistake  came  to  be 
made,  and  to  couple  this  with  the  assurance  that  steps 
have  been  taken  to  prevent  its  recurrence  in  the  future. 
The  customer  will  have  other  orders  to  place  in  the 
future,  and  these  must  not  be  lost  sight  of  or  imperiled 
for  want  of  an  explanation  of  the  circumstances  that 
caused  the  present  trouble.  A  cheerful  request  that  the 
goods  forming  the  basis  of  the  complaint  be  returned  at 
the  expense  of  the  seller  counts  for  much  with  the  cus- 
tomer, and  ought  invariably  to  be  made  in  such  a  case  of 
settlement. 

2.  Where  a  Third  Party  Is  the  Cause  of  the  Com- 
plaint.— When  this  is  ascertained  to  be  the  fact,  the  full 
details  should  be  pointed  out  to  the  customer,  if  for  no 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  141 


We  have  completed  a  test  of  several  other 
motors  from  the  same  stock  as  that  from  which  yours 
was  shipped  to  you,  and  we  find  to  our  consternation 
and  regret  that  a  good  many  of  them  are  not  as  noise- 
less as  they  should  be.  We  understood  perfectly  at 
the  time  of  filling  your  order  that  you  required 
a  noiseless  motor,  and  accordingly  we  shall  consider 
it  a  favor  if  you  will  return  to  us  at  our  expense 
the  one  you  now  have. 

We  are  today  sending  you  by  express,  charges 
prepaid,  a  new  motor  which  we  have  found,  by  test, 
to  comply  fully  with  your  specifications,  and  we 
hope  that  it  will  arrive  in  time  to  spare  you  further 
inconvenience.  If  it  should  arrive  too  late  for 
your  purpose,  please  have  no  hesitation  in  returning 
it  at  our  cost. 

The  mistake  in  the  first  instance  was  due  to 
our  haste  in  filling  your  order  without  preliminary 
testing.  We  are  extremely  sorry  that  this  neglect 
has  caused  you  any  inconvenience,  and  we  assure 
you  that  we  have  taken  steps  to  prevent  a  recurrence 
of  such  neglect. 

You  will  feel  assured,  we  hope,  that  we 
value  your  orders  highly,  and  that  any  you  may  send 
us  in  the  future  will  be  executed  with  the  utmost 
care. 

Example  of  a  letter  recognizing  that  the  customer  is  justified 
in  his  claim. 


142  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

other  reason  than  to  make  it  clear  that  the  seller  is  not 
himself  at  fault.  The  loss  of  the  shipment  by  the  railroad 
or  by  the  express  company  can  be  told  briefly,  as  a  simple 
fact.  But  the  seller  should  invariably  advise  the  customer 
that  further  steps  ought  to  be  taken  in  order  to  get  a  set- 
tlement or  a  delivery.  Far  better  is  the  rule  that  the  seller 
should  always  offer  to  deal  with  the  offending  third  party 
himself.  Many  cases  will  arise  where  it  is  a  wise  policy 
to  take  the  necessary  steps  at  once  and  inform  the 
customer  of  what  has  been  done  in  his  interest.  This 
policy  contributes  much  to  good  will.  And,  if  the  seller 
happens  to  be  of  greater  importance  in  the  business  world 
than  the  customer  is,  action  by  the  seller  is  more  likely 
to  result  in  a  satisfactory  adjustment. 

3.  Where  the  Fault  Lies  tcith  Both  Seller  and  Cus- 
tomer.— In  this  case  the  best  policy  is  usually  either  to 
"make  good"  without  explanation,  or  to  explain  clearly 
and  then  to  offer  to  assume  the  entire  responsibility.  It 
can  very  rarely  happen  that  it  will  prove  wise  to  explain 
fully  and  at  the  same  time  offer  to  share  in  the  loss  with 
the  customer.  This  is  a  niggardly  policy  that  rarely 
satisfies,  and  that  never  makes  friends.  If  you  are  in 
the  wrong  at  all,  assume  the  full  consequences — and  do 
it  gracefully — and  you  will  be  the  gainer  in  the  end. 

4.  Misunderstandings  Regarding  the  Go^ds. — -There 
is,  lastly,  the  complaint  that  originates  in  the  fact  that 
the  customer  misunderstands  the  proper  way  to  use  the 
goods,  or  is  unable  to  use  them  intelligently.  Such  a 
situation  is  likely  to  make  him  dissatisfied,  and  to  cause 
him  to  find  fault  with  the  goods  when  the  fault  really 
lies  with  himself. 

Replies  to  this  sort  of  complaint  call  for  considerable 
tact  on  the  part  of  the  writer,  since  the  trouble  is 
founded  on  a  misunderstanding,  or  on  a  lack  of  under- 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  143 

standing.  Here,  once  more,  it  is  most  necessary  to 
remember  that  however  trifling  or  insignificant  the  diffi- 
culty may  appear  to  you,  to  the  customer  it  is  an  impor- 
tant matter.  In  replying,  therefore,  his  point  of  view 
must  be  the  sole  consideration,  and  the  explanation  must 
be  made  commensurate  with  the  importance  that  he 
attaches  to  the  matter,  A  full  description  of  the  article, 
technical  and  otherwise,  worded  as  clearly  as  possible,  is 
no  more  than  his  due  in  exchange  for  his  money.  Fur- 
thermore, he  should  be  asked  to  write  again  if  he  finds 
that  he  needs  further  enlightenment,  and  he  should  be 
assured  that  you  are  really  trying  to  satisfy  him  and  to 
make  things  clear.  This,  after  all,  is  mere  justice,  and 
whether  or  not  it  is  an  annoyingly  trifling  or  trouble- 
some matter  to  you  should  have  nothing  to  do  with  the 
manner  in  which  you  reply  to  him. 

3.     AVHEN  SETTLEMENT  OF  THE  CLAIM  IS  REFUSED 

Cases  of  this  class  ought  to  be  extremely  rare,  for  the 
customer  is  either  justified  in  his  claim,  or,  as  we  have 
seen  above  under  (1),  it  is  usually  policy  to  treat  his 
claim  as  a  valid  one.  If,  however,  the  seller  is  convinced 
that  the  customer  is  entirely  wrong,  that  he  has  no 
justification  whatever  for  his  claim,  and  if  he  is,  more- 
over, determined  not  to  grant  it,  it  is  vital  that  the 
refusal  be  made  in  the  right  tone  and  with  the  right 
mental  attitude. 

The  problem  is,  of  course,  how  to  refuse  the  customer's 
request  and  yet  to  retain  him  as  a  satisfied  customer. 
To  reply  in  cold  terms  that  he  is  w^rong,  that  his  claim 
is  unjust  and  that  it  cannot  therefore  be  granted,  is 
the  surest  way  to  alienate  his  good  will  and  to  drive  him 
elsewhere  with  his  future  business. 


144  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

Cases  such  as  these  call  for  the  exercise  of  diplomacy. 
There  may  be  special  circumstances  that  may  contrib- 
ute assistance  in  giving  a  personal  tinge  to  the  letter. 
The  matter  can  sometimes  be  treated  as  a  difference 
between  friends,  and  a  refusal  to  grant  the  claim  can 
sometimes  be  softened  by  invoking  the  relation  of  friend- 
ship. We  are  concerned  with  business  relations  solely. 
In  the  latter  cases,  it  is  usually  well  to  admit  that  from 
the  customer's  present  point  of  view  he  is  probably  justi- 
fied in  taking  the  position  that  he  does.  The  effort 
must  be  made  to  show  him,  however,  that  he  has  rea- 
soned wrongly,  or  has  not  realized  the  full  effect  of  his 
attitude.  The  justice  of  the  seller's  point  of  view  must 
be  tactfully  urged,  and  ought  to  be  convincing  in  its 
nature,  even  though  it  is  not  made  prominent  as  an 
argument. 

It  is  one  thing,  however,  to  convince  a  man  through 
his  reason,  and  quite  another  thing  to  satisfy  him  that 
he  is  wrong.  Thus  explanation  must  be  expressed  with 
tact  and,  perhaps,  accompanied  by  an  appeal  to  his 
''sporting  instincts,"  that  will  serve  to  show  him  that 
he  ought  not  to  claim  what  he  does. 

Let  us  suppose  the  case  of  a  man  whose  leg  has  been 
amputated,  and  for  whom  an  artificial  limb  has  been 
specially  made  under  specific  directions  from  the  sur- 
geon. On  delivery,  it  may  have  proved  highly  uncom- 
fortable and  awkward  to  use,  and  the  buyer  has  written, 
let  us  suppose,  refusing  to  accept  it  or  i>ay  for  it. 
A  suggestion  for  the  tone  of  the  proper  reply  will  be 
found  given  on  the  following  page. 

Finally,  there  are  certain  maxims  that  it  is  well  to 
have  ahvays  in  mind  when  replying  to  letters  of  com- 
plaint. 

1.     Never  take  a  stand  or  make  an  assertion  that  is 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  145 


Anyone  unfortunate  enough  to  have  lost  a 
limb  is  certainly  entitled  to  the  very  best  appli- 
ance, the  most  convenient  substitute,  that  will  help 
to  replace  it  and  to  minimize  the  great  loss  he  has 
suffered.  And  we  thoroughly  and  sympathetically 
understand  your  position  that  the  artificial  limb 
sent  you  is  uncomfortable  and  seems  to  be  too 
long  for  you,  and  that  it  is,  therefore,  unsuitable 
to  your  needs. 

Let  us  assure  you,  however,  that  at  each  stage 
of  its  designing  and  manufacture,  we  have  consulted 

with  Dr. ,  and  that  he  is  authority  for  the 

statement  that  the  disappointment  that  you  now 
feel  is  inevitable  when  you  first  begin  to  use  the 

limb.   Our  experts,  under  Dr. 's  direction, 

have  planned  for  the  future,  rather  than  for  the 
immediate  present. 

You  have  the  assurance  of  a  house  whose 
reputation  for  skill  is  unquestioned,  that  when  you 
have  adapted  yourself  to  its  use,  the  limb  furnished 
you  will  be  suitable  in  every  respect. 

It  is  no  doubt  true  that  its  present  use 
is  attended  with  discomfort.  Wouldn't  it  be  wise, 
however,  to  accept  our  assurance,  in  connection  with 

that  of  Dr. ,  that  present  inconvenience 

will  shortly  give  way  to  delighted  satisfaction 
on  your  part? 

This  will  be  the  case,  and  we  say  it  with 
assurance.  It  would,  under  the  circumstances,  be 
highly  unwise  for  us  to  consider  a  return  of  the  limb. 

We  count  with  equal  assurance  on  your  wise 
acceptance  of  the  present  circumstances,  for  the  sake 
of  the  future  satisfaction  that  will  be  yours. 

Example  of  a  diplomatic  refusal  to  recognize  a  claim. 


146  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

uiitrne  or  that  will  even  appear  to  be  debatable  to  your 
customer.  Never  give  him  a  chance,  in  other  words,  to 
argue  with  you — or  you  are  lost.  Any  statement  made 
regarding  your  position  must  be  so  true  and  plain  that 
your  customer  has  no  chance  to  doubt  its  truth  or  even 
to  consider  it  open  to  discussion.  If  it  appears  abso- 
lutely necessary  to  say  something  which,  however  true, 
your  customer  may  possibl}^  call  in  question,  it  should 
be  prefaced  by  several  statements  which  the  customer 
cannot  dispute,  and  which  wnll  lead  up  logically  to  the 
statement  which  you  fear  he  may  dispute. 

2.  Never  jump  illogically  from  one  point  of  view  to 
another  or  from  one  position  to  another.  Whatever 
stand  you  take,  let  it  be  adhered  to  firmly,  but  be  care- 
ful not  to  seek  to  bolster  it  up  by  a  lot  of  disconnected 
arguments.  The  whole  idea  of  your  '»letter  is  that  it 
must  carry  your  customer  with  you  as  you  proceed. 
You  cannot  do  this  if  the  continuity  of  his  thought  is 
broken  up  by  irregular  and  illogical  sequence  of  yours. 

3.  Let  the  letter  be  physically  easy  to  read,  i.e.,  see 
that  it  is  logically  broken  up  into  paragraphs.  A  letter 
that  is  not  paragraphed  lacks  the  clearness  and  sense 
of  progression  that  come  from  a  well-paragraphed  letter 
and  is  at  best  confusing  as  well  as  tiring  to  the  atten- 
tion. If  you  are  not  conversant  with  the  art  of  para- 
graphing—for it  is  an  art — the  companion  book  in  this 
series  on  Better  Business  English  should  be  consulted. 
Remember  that  a  letter  that  is  difficult  to  read  is  likely 
to  irritate — and  to  cause  irritation  in  the  mind  of  your 
customer  is  fatal  to  a  pleasant  settlement  of  the  dispute 
or  complaint. 

4.  Be  courteous,  no  matter  what  the  circumstances. 
To  show  irritation  or  impatience  is  not  only  to  incur 
the  risk  of  losing  the  customer,  but  puts  the  writer  who 


ANSWERING  COMPLAINT  LETTERS  147 

is  guilty  of  this  weakness  at  a  disadvantage  with  his 
customer.  The  customer's  interests  must  be  given  the 
preference  over  everytliing,  so  far  as  one's  own  feelings 
are  concerned,  and  the  way  to  do  this  best  is  to  let  one 's 
letters  convej^  the  impression  of  the  "smile  that  won't 
come  off." 

5.  Before  proceeding  to  dictate  a  reply  to  a  com- 
plaint, imagine  your  customer  as  seated  before  you  at 
your  desk.  How  would  you  talk  to  him?  Get  yourself 
in  the  frame  of  mind  to  be  as  courteous  as  you  would 
try  to  be  if  he  were  present.  It  will  not  be  difficult 
then  to  inject  the  right  tone  into  your  letter.  As  the 
late  Elbert  Hubbard  said  :  ' '  Write  as  you  feel — but  be 
sure  that  you  feel  right." 

A  tale  should  be  judicious,  clear,  succinct. 
The  language  plain,  and  incidents  wetl  linked. 
Tell  not  as  new  what  everybody  knows, 
And,  new  or  old,  still  hasten  to  a  close. 

— Coicper. 


CHAPTER  VII 

HINTS    ON    SALESMANSHIP    AS    APPLIED    TO 
LETTERS 

Dr.  Frank  Crane,  who,  by  the  way,  disclaims  any 
pretension  to  being  a  salesman,  once  gave  what  he  called 
the  "Ten  Commandments  of  Salesmanship."  They  are 
so  thoroughly  applicable  to  salesmanship  as  applied  to 
letters  that  they  are  well  worth  adopting  as  a  business 
creed  by  the  man  who  tries  to  sell  by  mail.    They  are : 

1.  Be  agreeable. 

2.  Know  your  business. 

3.  Tell  the  truth. 

4.  Don't  argue — suggest. 

5.  Make  your  proposition  plain. 

6.  Remember  names  and  faces. 

7.  Never    forget    your   social — and    moral — obliga- 

tions. 

8.  Don't    be    egotistic — concede    that    privilege    to 

your  customer. 

9.  Think  success. 
10,     Be  human. 

The  principles  involved  in  several  of  these  "com- 
mandments" are  discussed  in  their  proper  relation  to 
the  subject  of  sales  letters  in  the  preceding  chapters. 
They  are,  of  course,  principles  inherent  in  all  business 
letter-writing,  and  Dr.  Crane  enunciated  nothing  new 
in  his  "Ten    Commandments."      It  is  worth  while  to 

148 


sal:esmanship  in  sales  letters  149 

comment  on  each  one,  however,  since  they  constitute  a 
convenient  sunniiary  of  the  principles  applicable  to  every 
class  of  business  letter. 

1.  Be  Agreeable. — The  master  key  of  human  nature 
lies  in  the  disposition  of  all  of  us  to  associate  with  and 
to  deal  with,  to  be  open-handed  with  and  to  assist,  those 
who  know  how  to  ''get  on  our  right  side,"  who  "treat 
us  right, ' '  who  radiate  good  nature  and  good  will.  Spe- 
cifically applied  to  letter-writing,  this  means  not  only 
that  one's  first  approach,  the  business  proposal,  should 
be  couched  in  pleasant,  agreeable  language,  but  that  in 
any  dispute  or  difference  of  opinion  you  are  the  one  to 
do  more,  to  go  farther  in  conceding  a  point,  in  offering 
to  adjust  a  claim  or  to  take  back  an  unsatisfactory 
article,  than  even  strict  business  honesty  demands.  It 
pays  well,  in  the  end,  to  be  agreeable  under  all  condi- 
tions, even  to  the  extent  of  smilingly  taking  the  worst 
of  it. 

2.  Knoiv  Your  Business. — The  writer  of  a  letter  can- 
not make  the  desired  impression,  the  attempted  sale,  the 
permanently  loyal  customer,  unless  he  knows  his  sub- 
ject through  and  through.  To  hope  to  achieve  by  acci- 
dent or  by  luck  what  must  be  gone  at  in  a  scientific 
way,  and  with  thorough  preparation,  is  not  the  part  of 
a  salesman,  whether  he  be  a  traveling  man  or  an  office 
man.  This  subject  is  discussed  at  length  in  the  chap- 
ter on  "The  Atmosphere  of  Business  Letters." 

3.  Tell  the  Truth. — Looked  at  merely  as  a  "gam- 
bling proposition,"  this  pays  better,  is  more  certain  of 
permanently  good  results,  than  lying,  than  misrepre- 
sentation, than  subterfuge,  than  stating  half-truths.  To 
lie  successfully,  one  must,  it  is  said,  have  a  good  mem- 
ory. To  tell  the  truth  requires  no  fortification  of  the 
memory,  no  elaborate  preparation.     It  is,  on  the  other 


150  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

hand,  incomparably  more  certain  to  win  a  customer,  to 
bind  him  to  you  by  ties  of  faith  and  trust,  than  all 
the  dissembling  and  pretenses  and  subterfuges  that  a 
brilliant  brain  can  conceive.  This  subject  is  also  dis- 
cussed at  some  length  in  Chapter  I. 

4.  Don't  Ar:gue. — The  old  adage,  "A  man  convinced 
against  his  will  is  a  man  unconvinced  still,"  serves  to 
prove  the  wisdom  of  this  injunction.  Argument  may 
serve  to  convince  for  the  moment  the  man  who  is  not 
ready  with  a  "come  back,"  but  it  often  fails  to  "stick," 
and  it  is  not  the  sort  of  conviction  that  will  make  him 
willingly  hand  over  his  money.  Suggestion,  that  leads 
the  other  man's  mind  to  your  point  of  view,  is  far  more 
likely  to  end  in  his  taking  the  step  you  want  him  to 
take.  A  story,  an  adage,  an  illustration,  even  in  a  let- 
ter, serves  to  suggest  a  point,  and  should  be  allowed 
to  carry  the  suggestion  without  argument.  The  reader 
will  see  the  point.  Mere  argument  may  convince  him 
as  he  reads ;  but  he  is  likely  to  ' '  come  loose ' '  later  on. 

5.  Make  it  Plain. — It  is  not  words,  words,  words, 
that  convince  or  make  an  impression,  but  simple  clear- 
ness. To  make  your  point  plain  it  is  necessary  to  take 
the  other  man's  point  of  view.  What  is  clear  to  you 
may  mean  nothing  to  him.  If  you  can  write  from  his 
standpoint  you  have  a  chance,  and  the  only  real  chance, 
to  win  him.  The  importance  of  this  is  shown  in  Chap- 
ter II. 

6.  Remember  Names. — If,  on  meeting  a  man  whom 
you  have  seen  but  once  before  in  your  life,  you  are  able 
to  greet  him  by  his  name,  you  have  opened  the  way  to 
his  heart.  So,  in  a  letter,  even  though  it  be  addressed 
to  a  firm  or  a  corporation,  if  you  head  it  for  the  atten- 
tion of  Mr.  So-and-So,  it  carries  an  atmosphere  of  inti- 
macy and  of  personal  contact  that  begins  to  make  itself 


SALEbMANSHIP   ]N   SALES  LETTERS  l.-jl 

felt  as  soon  as  one  begins  to  read  it,  that  is  not  to  be 
attained  by  the  mere  impersonal  address  to  the  firm. 
We  all  have  our  little  vanities,  and  it  is  not  wise  to 
ignore  the  advantage  to  be  gained  from  gratifying  harm- 
less peculiarities  of  this  sort.  For  letter-writing,  this 
commandment  might  be  extended  by  adding:  Visualize 
your  prospect  while  writing. 

7.  Don't  Lose  Sight  of  Your  Moral  Obligations. — So 
far  as  letter-writing  is  concerned,  this  injunction  is 
much  of  the  same  nature  as:  "Tell  the  truth."  The 
busiiiess  man  who  is  "out  for  the  stuff,"  merely,  is  sure 
to  arouse  suspicions  regarding  his  good  faith.  Unscru- 
pulousness  in  motive  crops  out  in  the  tone  of  one's  let- 
ters. And  he  who  has  a  finely  developed  sense  of  moral 
obligation  will  win  the  confidence  of  his  prospects  where 
the  unscupulous  man  will  fail. 

8.  Don't  Be  Egotistical. — Egotism  in  a  letter  can  be 
as  destructive  to  one's  chances  as  it  is  in  conversation. 
As  is  pointed  out  in  the  earlier  chapters,  your  cus- 
tomer is  the  one  to  be  humored.  Your  opinions  don't 
count  for  much  with  him ;  but  his  opinions  should  count 
for  everything  with  you.  Concede  him  the  right  to  his 
point  of  view — humor  him.     It  pays. 

9.  Think  Success. — The  tone  of  your  letters  is  the 
result  of  your  mental  attitude  at  the  time  you  write  them. 
If  you  haven't  the  tone  of  a  winner,  you  can't  expect 
your  correspondent  to  persuade  himself.  A  letter  is 
likely  to  be  an  abstract  sort  of  thing,  anyway,  and  you 
have  to  project  your  thoughts  through  it  to  your  corre- 
spondent. Your  thoughts  must  be  of  the  right  quality, 
therefore,  before  your  letter  can  make  the  right  im- 
pression. 

10.  Be  Human. — This  is  a  terse  way  of  expressing 
the  adage  that  "one  touch  of  nature  makes  the  whole 


152  BETTER  BUSINESS  EETTERS 

You  are  probably  familiar  with  our  

Letter  Opening  Machine,  a  device  that  sells  itself 
to  most  Office  Managers,  as  soon  as  it  is  shown  to 
them. 

We  have  no  representative  for  this  in  your 
City  and  we  should  be  glad  to  have  you  undertake 
the  agency o 

We  are  enclosing  an  illustrated  circular 
which  will  show  you  the  different  classes  and  sizes 
in  which  the  machine  is  made  and  the  use  to  which 
it  can  be  put. 

It  is  selling  in  very  large  numbers  just  now 
and  we  desire  to  push  it.   It  sells  for  |10-16 
according  to  model  desired,  which  is  very  cheap, 
don't  you  think? 

It  is  attractive  to  all  offices  where  the 
mail  is  heavy.  It  opens  the  letters  as  you  will 
note  by  paring  a  thin  edge  off  but  without  damag- 
ing the  contents  of  the  letters.   It  is  a  very 
attractive  proposition  for  agents  to  handle.  It 
does  the  work  much  faster  than  it  can  be  done  by 
hand,  and  thus  is  a  great  labor  saver;  it  is  there- 
fore something  that  soon  pays  for  itself. 

We  can  offer  you  very  attractive  discounts 
ranging  as  high  as  50  plus  10^  on  orders  of  12  or 
more.  If  you  are  looking  for  a  chance  to  make  easy 
money- -here  it  is! 

If  you  will  let  us  know  whether  the  propo- 
sition interests  you  we  will  be  very  glad  to  take 
up  with  you  the  question  of  discounts  and  of  an 
exclusive  territory.  If  you  are  unable  to  undertake 
this  yourself  will  you  suggest  the  name  of  the 
right  party  for  us  to  approach? 

In  this  connection  will  you  inform  us  how 
many  of  the  enclosed  circulars  bearing  your  name 
and  imprint  you  could  use  to  good  advantage? 

Hoping  to  hear  from  you  by  return  mail,  we  are 
Yours  very  truly, 


An  instance  of  a  sales  letter,  inherently  weak  and  lacking-  in 
salesmanship,  but  rendered  more  ineffective  still  by  the  "scat- 
tering" of  its  argument,  and  the  utter  lack  of  logical  sequence. 


SALESMANSHIP   IN   SALES  LETTERS  153 

You  are  probably  familiar  with  our_ 


Letter  Opening  Machine,  a  device  that  sells  itself 
to  most  office  managers  as  soon  as  it  is  shown  to 
them.  It  is  attractive  to  all  offices  where  the 
mail  is  heavy.  As  you  will  note,  it  opens  the  letters 
by  paring  off  a  thin  edge,  but  without  damaging  the 
contents  [of  the  letter] .   It  does  the  work  much 
faster  than  it  can  be  done  by  hand,  and  thus  is  a 
great  labor  saver.  It  is,  therefore,  something  that 
soon  pays  for  itself. 

We  are  enclosing  an  illustrated  circular 
which  will  show  you  the  different  classes  and  sizes 
in  which  the  machine  is  made,  and  the  use  [s]  to 
which  it  can  be  put.  It  is  a  very  attractive  propo- 
sition for  agents  to  handle.  It  sells  for  SIO  to 
$16,  according  to  [the]  model  desired- -which  is  very 
cheap,  don't  you  think? 

It  is  selling  in  very  large  numbers,  just 
now,  and  we  desire  to  push  it.  We  have  no  repre- 
sentative for  this  in  your  city,  and  we  should  be 
glad  to  have  you  undertake  the  agency.   If  you  are 
looking  for  a  chance  to  make  easy  money,  here  it  is. 
We  can  offer  you  very  attractive  discounts,  ranging 
as  high  as  5075  plus  10%  on  orders  of  twelve  or  more. 

If  you  will  let  us  know  whether  the  propo- 
sition interests  you,  we  will  [ shall  1  be  very  glad 
to  take  up  with  you  the  question  of  discounts  and 
of  an  exclusive  territory.   In  this  connection, 
will  you  inform  us  how  many  of  the  enclosed  circu- 
lars bearing  your  name  and  imprint  you  could  use  to 
good  advantage? 

If  you  are  unable  to  undertake  this  your- 
self, will  you  suggest  the  name  of  the  right  party 
for  us  to  approach? 

Yours  very  truly. 

The  same  letter  as  that  on  the  opposite  page  made  much 
more  effective  by  being-  rearranged.  Note  that  now  such  sales 
ideas  as  are  advanced  are  at  least  presented  in  logical  sequence. 
It  is  still  far  from  being  a  good  sales  letter,  but  serves  to 
illustrate  the  principle  that  even  poor  material  may  be  made 
more  forceful  if  properly  presented. 


154  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

world  kin."  You  must  avoid  formality  in  letters; 
eliminate  the  stilted,  fossilized  phrases ;  make  your  let- 
ters the  expression  of  yourself,  and  not  the  remote, 
cold-blooded  affairs  that  most  business  letters  are.  If 
you  are  trying  to  sell  golf  balls,  for  instance,  some  little 
intimate  reference  to  the  golf  course,  to  the  game  itself, 
to  the  idiosyncrasies  of  caddies,  or  to  the  perversities  of 
balls,  gives  a  human  touch  to  what  might  otherwise  be 
an  impersonal  proposition.  It  is  human  warmth  that 
helps  to  thaw  the  atmosphere  between  strangers. 

Another  opportunity  to  "be  human"  is  offered  you 
whenever  you  receive  an  inquiry  for  something  you 
cannot  furnish.  Never  reply  with  the  mere  statement, 
however  pleasantly  put,  that  you  ".are  sorry  that  you 
have  nothing  to  offer  of  the  kind  (or  style)  inquired 
for, ' '  but  proceed  to  give,  openly  and  frankly,  the  name 
of  a  reliable  firm  that  can.  It  pays  well  to  give  all  the 
time  and  effort  necessary  to  make  every  letter  a  builder 
of  good  will.  And  if  you  cannot  have  the  profit  involved 
in  actually  making  a  sale,  the  good  will  you  gain  by 
frankly  putting  the  customer  in  touch  with  one  who  can 
furnish  the  goods,  is  cumulative  for  the  future,  in  build- 
ing up  a  prestige  that  is  invaluable. 

These  "commandments"  might  well  have  a  few  more 
added  to  them,  which  are  more  specifically  applicable  to 
the  sales  letter.     These  are: 

11.  Don't  Scatter. — An  argument,  a  presentation  of 
a  proposition,  a  description  of  an  article,  is  seriously 
weakened  in  its  effect  if  the  development  of  the  sub- 
ject is  not  logical.  The  mind  can  follow  a  logical  pres- 
entation of  a  subject  without  exertion ;  if  the  develop- 
ment is  confused  or  does  not  lead  step  by  step  to  the 
logical  climax,  the  effect  of  the  letter  itself  is  destroyed 


SALESMANSHIP  IN  SALES  LETTERS  155 

or  weakened.  To  "scatter"  in  sales  talk  is  as  wasteful 
of  effect  as  the  undue  scattering  of  troops  is  in  the 
operations  of  an  army. 

12.  Give  the  Whole  Story. — Except  where  a  series  of 
sales  letters  is  planned  in  which  the  subject  is  gradually 
unfolded  in  sequence,  all  the  points  of  the  article  offered, 
all  it  will  accomplish  in  the  way  of  advantage  to  the 
prospect,  all  it  is  useful  for,  in  short,  all  there  is  to  be 
said  from  the  point  of  view  of  the  customer,  should  be 
said  plainly,  and  no  point  should  be  slurred  over. 
You  never  know  which  point  will  appeal  most  strongly 
to  a  customer  and  hence  you  cannot  afford  not  to  give 
him  a  full  presentation  of  your  case. 

13.  Avoid  Alternative  Choices  or  Offers. — A  variety 
of  "combination"  offers,  where,  for  example,  half  a 
dozen  articles  are  offered,  and  the  "combination"  oft'ers 
involve  a  special  price  for  Nos.  1,  2,  and  3,  for  Nos.  2,  4, 
and  6,  and  Nos.  1,  3,  and  5,  runs  afoul  of  the  psycho- 
logical law  that  decision  must  not  be  embarrassed  by 
the  necessity  for  discrimination  between  conflicting 
offers.  It  is  impossible  to  press  the  prospect  to  act 
unless  the  decision  is  made  easy  for  him.  He  cannot 
be  as  forcibly  urged  to  act  "now"  if  the  final  choice 
if  left  to  himself,  as  he  can  if  the  proposition  is 
clean-cut  and  involves  no  choice,  but  calls  for  a  decision 
on  a  single  act.  It  is  true  that  this  rule  is  frequently 
broken — and  there  may  be  circumstances  to  justify  such 
action.  There  is  no  doubt,  however,  that  it  is  a  safe  and 
wise  rule  to  follow,  in  sales  letters  as  well  as  in  personal 
sales  talks. 


CHAPTER  yill 

CONCLUSION 

We  have  insisted  throughout  this  book  that  a  business 
letter  should  be  written  in  the  same  tone  in  which  a 
business  conversation  is  carried  on — that  the  writer  of 
a  business  letter  must  be  human,  and  must  express  Jiim- 
self,  avoiding  all  formalities  of  expression.  To  the  stu- 
dent of  principles,  this  may  at  first  thought  appear  dif- 
ficult to  carry  into  practice. 

It  must,  of  course,  be  understood  that  a  letter  is  nec- 
essarily more  condensed  than  oral  business  communica- 
tions. Yet  it  should  be  equally  easy  to  understand  that 
one's  business  letters  can  well  be  made  to  convey  the 
same  tone,  even  if  they  do  not  embody  the  same  amount 
of  talk — of  words — that  would  be  used  if  the  communi- 
cation were  spoken  instead  of  written. 

It  is  admittedly  difficult  for  some  people  to  write  as 
well  as  they  can  talk.  Many  successful  salesmen  would 
quickly  lose  their  standing  as  such  if  they  were  forced 
to  effect  sales  by  correspondence  alone.  For  while  they 
can  talk  effectively,  they  cannot  write  with  any  semblance 
of  effectiveness.  In  most  cases  this  is  due  to  lack  of  train- 
ing and  of  practice.  They  have  not  learned  to  think 
slowly  enough  to  express  tliemselves  in  writing.  But 
letters  can  be  made  to  become  real  sales  talks — and  this 
sort  of  letter  is  being  written  more  and  more  generally, 
in  place  of  the  stiff  and  formal  communications  which 

156 


CONCLUSION  157 

were  once  regarded  as  the  only  proper  form  of  business 
communication.  The  secret  lies  in  the  fact  that  the 
writer  of  a  sales  talk  has  learned  to  think  as  simply  and 
as  naturally  for  his  written  words  as  he  would  for  his 
uttered  words.  He  has  learned  to  discard  all  self-con- 
sciousness, and  to  address  himself  simply  and  naturally 
to  his  subject  and  to  his  correspondent,  and.  in  addition, 
to  concentrate  his  expressions  and  his  language  to  fit 
the  necessities  of  a  letter. 

This  is  what  is  meant  by  the  advice  so  frequently 
given  in  the  foregoing  pages,  that,  in  order  to  be  thor- 
oughly effective,  business  letters  must  be  business  talks. 
And  this  is  what  you  must  aim  for  and  train  yourself 
to  do,  if  you  would  be  effective  in  your  own  work. 

If  you  have  read  through  this  book  studiously  and 
carefully,  you  have  possibly  concluded  that  by  this  time 
you  know  all  you  need  to  know  about  business  lett«r- 
writing.    Perhaps  this  will  be  true — in  theory. 

But  between  knowing  the  theory  of  a  thing  and  actu- 
ally putting  it  into  practice  there  is  a  gulf  that  can  be 
crossed  only  by  hard  work  and  much  thought.  A  busi- 
ness man,  for  example,  usually  has  the  theory  of  account- 
ing well  enough  in  his  grasp  to  enable  him  to  discuss 
the  work  with  his  bookkeeper  and  to  consider  balance 
sheets  with  intelligent  understanding.  But  he  could 
scarcely  take  charge  of  the  books,  and  still  less  could  he 
keep  the  books  himself.  He  lacks  the  ability  to  do  the 
thing  that  he  laiows  all  about  in  theory.  He  has  had  no 
practice  in  the  actual  doing  of  the  work.  This  is  as 
true  in  outside  interests  as  it  is  in  business.  The  golf 
player  learns  the  theory  of  the  stance,  of  the  grip,  of 
the  approach,  of  the  swing — and  is  startled  to  find  that 
when  he  comes  to  put  the  theories  of  the  game  into 


158  BETTER  BUSINESS  LETTERS 

practice  lie  is  a  joke  to  the  caddy  and  a  source  of  morti- 
fication to  himself.  He  is  horrified — and  humiliated — 
to  find  how  utterly  incompetent  he  can  be  in  a  game 
whose  principles  he  thought  he  had  learned  perfectly. 
He  discovers  the  wide  difference  between  having  the 
theory  and  putting  that  theory  into  practice. 

So  it  will  be  with  you  when  you  first  try  to  carry  into 
practice  the  principles  discussed  in  this  book.  When 
you  first  sit  dovai  to  dictate,  after  finishing  the  reading 
of  this  book,  you  will  probably  find  yourself  uncon- 
sciously beginning  your  letters  with  the  old  phrases: 
"We  beg  to  acknowledge  your  favor,"  or  "We  beg  to 
call  your  attention  to,"  etc.  They  will  seem  to  insist 
on  coming  to  jour  tongue,  in  spite  of  your  knowledge 
that  something  original  ought  to  be  dictated  in  their 
place.  The  old  habits  are  not  easy  to  overcome,  even 
when  you  know  that  they  are  bad  habits. 

Letter-w^riting  is  truly  an  art.  Even  to  approach  the 
mastery  of  an  art  means  much  hard  work  and  equally 
much  thought.  The  man  who  can  instinctively  dictate 
masterly  and  successful  sales  letters,  and  do  so  without 
careful  thought,  is  truly  a  master  of  the  art.  But  for 
your  consolation  and  encouragement  it  can  be  truth- 
fully said  that  such  ' '  masters ' '  are  extremely  rare.  The 
large  majority  of  those  who  are  regarded  as  skilled  sales 
letter-writers  are  continually  learning,  continually 
thinking,  continually  trying  to  improve  their  methods 
and  to  make  today's  letters  better,  more  effective,  more 
human,  than  were  those  of  yesterday. 

Your  first  attempts  then,  to  write  model  sales  letters 
cannot  be  expected  to  produce  masterpieces.  You  will 
probably  flounder  a  good  deal,  and  produce  letters 
which,  when  you  later  read  them  in  typewritten  form, 
will  clearly  not  be  what  you  had  hoped  to  make  them. 


CONCLUSION  159 

The  chances  are  that  you  can  improve  on  them  then  and 
there,  before  signmg  them.  Do  so!  That  is  the  way — 
the  only  effective  way — to  become  able  to  write.  Do 
your  best  while  you  are  dictating — and  then,  when  you 
read  them  through  later,  do  not  hesitate  to  improve 
on  what  you  thought  was  your  best,  and  make  them 
better  still. 

If  you  follow  such  a  method,  it  will  not  be  long  before 
you  find  j^ourself  applying,  with  ever-increasing  facil- 
ity, the  principles  laid  down  in  this  book.  You  will  be 
interested  and  delighted  to  find  that  practice  will,  before 
long,  enable  you  to  write  letters  every  bit  as  good  as  the 
examples  shown  in  this  book.  But  you  must  be  honest 
with  yourself,  and  insist  on  making  yourself  produce 
the  best  there  is  in  you.  You  must  be  equally  frank, 
too,  in  refusing  to  send  out  as  a  signed  letter  anything 
that  you  are  capable  of  improving  on.  What  your 
stenographer  may  think  of  such  re-writing  is  nothing — 
what  your  correspondent  will  think  and  do  when  he 
reads  your  sales  talk  is  everything! 


INDEX 

"Above,"  use  of,  criticized 80 

Action,   how   induced 65,  66,  68, 105 

"Agreeable  to,"  use  of,  criticized 79 

Analysis:  of  goods  to  be  sold 10, 11, 13, 14,  45,  56 

of  prospective  customers 18,  56 

Appeal,  adaptation  of  the 16,  18 

Argument:  blended  with  persuasion 23,  44,  56 

blended  with  proof 49 

explanation  and  persuasion  combined  with 44 

object  of  56 

sincerity  in    49 

to  develop   interest 52 

when  resorted  to 23 

"As  per,"  use  of,  criticized , . . . , 79,  81 

"Atmosphere,"  exam^jle  of 19 

Attention :   65 

how  arrested   23,  30 

how  diverted  by  poor  style,  etc 78 

"Beg  to,"  use  of,  criticized 80 

Buyer's  point  of  view:    how  consulted 11, 15,  38 

how  obtained 16 

"Clincher"   climax:    defined , 21 

effect  of  absence  of 60 

examples  of   63,  65,  67 

form  and  language  of 70 

illustrated  and  discussed 66 

importance  of   58,  62,  70 

"order  card"  as  a 66 

price  inducement  as  a 66 

psychology   of 62,  68 

stage  at  which  to  be  used 23,  50 

when   necessary    21 

Close:    abruptness  in,   when  desirable 61 

examples  of  forceful 64,  69-70 

must  be  adapted  to  prospect 65-70 

(See  also  "Clincher") 

101 


162  INDEX 

Collection  letters:   commercial  accounts Ill 

devices  other  than  direct  dunning,  in 114 

differing  from  sales  letters 1(»7 

form  letters  to  be  avoided 115 

first  letter  a  "feeler" 110 

fundamentals  involved  in 105, 108, 110 

instalment   collections    120 

retail  accounts   120 

subordination  of  "we"  element  in 1(»5 

"we  need  the  money"  expressions  to  be  avoided..         112 

Commercial  accounts,  collection  of Ill 

Complaint  letters:    point  of  view   of  purchaser  to  be 

considered     136 

rules  governing"  replies  to 128-130 

tone  to  be  employed  when  replying  to 127,132 

various  kinds  of 131-138 

where  complaint  arises  from  action  of  third  party        140 

where  complaint  has  been  investigated 138 

where  complaint  is  without  merit 131 

where  complaint  is  founded  on  misunderstanding 

regarding  goods   142 

where  cutsomer  has  well-founded  claim 140 

where  seller  and  customer  are  both  at  fault 142 

where  settlement  of  claim  is  refused 143 

Conciseness   in   letters 10,  46 

"Conformable  to,"  use  of,  criticized 79 

Conventional  phrases,  avoidance  of 12,  25,  29,  78-82, 158 

Conversations,  business  letters  as. .  .12,  26,  44, 105,  111,  147, 157 

Conviction:   persuasion  in  connection  with 57 

what   it   is , 49 

Customer:  point  of  view  of,  to  be  sought  for 

11, 15, 16, 18,  26,  37,  38,  62, 130, 147 

self-interest  of,  to  be  appealed  to 18,  37,  48 

Decision:    how  induced  in  prospect 21,  23,  44 

when  to  be  created 65-66, 105 

Declarative  opening,  the 30 

Description:   in  follow-up  letters 87 

manner  of  giving 37,  38 

motive  of 40 

must  be  specific 73 

printed  matter  as  an  aid  in 43 

purpose  of    18,  23 

suggestive  forms  of 39-40,  42 

variety  in 92 

use  of  suggestion  in 39 


INDEX  16;j 

what  is  involved  in 52 

what  must  be  embodied  in 39 

when  omitted  from  sales  letter 56 

Desire:   effect  of  persuasion  on 55 

example  of  how  to  awaken 85 

how  to  stimulate 21,  50 

when  created 65 

"Do  it  now!"  suggestion 21,  23,  66-68 

English,  importance  of  good,  in  business  letters 78 

Enthusiasm  a  necessary  element 12 

"Esteemed  favor,"  use  of,  criticized. 81 

Examples:    of  acknowledgment  of  receipt  of  complaint  139 

of  blending  of  argument  and  persuasion 56,65 

of  diplomatic  refusal  to  grant  a  claim 145 

of  duns  in  series 116-119 

of  establishing  the  "point  of  contact" 17 

of  familiarity   and   breeziness 19,  67 

of  follow-up  letter  to  inquiries 89-91 

of  follow-up   sales   letters 93,  95,  96 

of  forceful   close    64,  69-70 

of  "good  will"  builder  in  replying  to  complaint..  .  137 

of  friendly   duns    106, 109,  116,  117, 118, 119, 125 

of  indirect  proof   54 

of  inducement   67 

of  inducement   climax    63 

of  letter  awakening  interest  and  desir^ 85 

of  letter  lacking  in  salesmanship 59 

of  letter  offering  Inducement  to  settle  instalment 

account 121 

of  letter  possessing  "atmosphere"   19 

of  letter  recognizing  a  just  claim ■% 141 

of  letter  referring  to  printed  matter 102 

of  letter  with  illogical  sequence  of  thought .      152 

of  letter  with  sequence  of  thought  rearranged  more 

logically 153 

of  opening  appealing  to  emotions 35 

of  opening  awakening  interest,  and  with  close  em- 
bodying a  personal  tone 49 

of  opening  containing  "human  interest"  appeal...  33 
of  openings  contrasting   good    and    bad    forms    of 

description    38, 42 

of  openings  good  and  bad  27 

of  opening  in  narrative  form 36 

of  opening  in  which  subject  of  current  interest  is 

utilized    31 


164  INDEX 

of  opening  letter  in  follow-up  series 9'J 

of  practical  proof  offer   63 

of  reference  to  previous  correspondence 24,  25 

of  replies  to  complaints  72 

of  right  and  wrong  way  of  answering  complaints.  .134, 135 

of  suggestive  description    39-40 

of  wh^t  to  avoid  in  collection  letters 113 

Experience  necessary  for  sales  letter- writer 18 

Explanation :    how  utilized 44 

what  it  should  involve 45,  46 

Familiarity  of  tone  to  be  avoided 29 

Follow-up  letters    83-104 

examples  of    89-91,  93 

follow-up  campaigns 92 

number  of  letters  in  series 94 

overcoming  inertia  in  prospects  by 86 

replies  by  prospects  to  be  studied  for 84 

time  interval  between    98 

tone  of 87 

to  replies  to  sales  letters 68 

use  of  printed  matter  with 100 

value  of  description  in  87 

value  of  repetition  in 87 

when   to   mail 103 

Form  letters,  when  to  avoid  using 115 

Generalizations  to  be  avoided 13, 14,  22 

Goods:  necessitv  of  being  familiar  with 

10,  11,13,14,  45,  62,  84,  97 

price  of,  a  subordinate  question 49 

Grammar,  effect  of  bad 77 

Group  psychology,  how  availed  of 68 

"Hereto,"  use  of,  criticized 78 

"Herewith,"  use  of,  criticized 78 

Honesty :   an  aid  in  proof 54 

on  part  of  writer 13, 14 

Human  interest    *^  21 

"human  interest"  opening   32 

in  body  of  letter 156 

"I"  or  "we"  element  to  be  subordinated 28 

difficulty  involved 103 

Imagination,  when   necessary 12, 18,  22,  43 


INDEX  165 

Individuality     of    writer     to     be     impressed     on     liis 

letters    it,  14, 156 

Inducement:    leading  to  decision » 21 

what  is    49 

•Inertia,  follow-up  letters  to  overcouie 86 

Inquiries,  replies  to 23 

Instalment  payments,  collection  of 120 

Interest:  example  of  how  to  awaken 85 

how  developed    23,  40,  42,  44,  56-57,  65 

how  maintained    47 

when  to  be  created 65, 105 

Interrogative  opening,  the 29 

"I"  or  "we"  element  to  be  subordinated 14 

Offer,  example  of 56 

Opening:   attracting  attention  in 28,  56 

conventional   phrases  in 25 

different  kinds  of 29 

reference  in,  to  previous  correspondence 23 

what  must  be  in  the 23,  25,  29 

"Order  card":  part  it  can  play 66 

Participial  endings    79 

Personality  of  writer  reflected  in  letters 9, 14, 105 

Persuasion:   blended  M'ith  argument 23,  44,  56 

effect  of,  how  lost   58 

effect  of,  on  desire 55 

example  of 56 

how  exercised   58,  92 

indirect    55 

injuriously  affected  by  argument 54 

object  of  23,  56 

what  it  is 54,  57 

Phraseology:   conventional  phrases  condemned 25,  78 

formal  and   ineffective 12,  25 

phrases  to  be  avoided 78-82 

sameness  of,  to  be  avoided 13, 14,  22 

See  also  "Style." 

Plan,  necessity  of 20,  21 

"Please  find,"  use  of,  criticized 79 

"Point  of  contact":   application  of  principle  of  estab- 
lishing a  38 

how  established    11, 16 

illustration  of   17 

Previous  correspondence,  how  to  refer  to 23 


1G6  INDEX 

Price:   a  subordinate  question,  when 48,49 

at  what  stage  to  be  mentioned 48 

when  a  matter  of  inducement 49 

when  to  be  utilized  as  an  inducement 66 

Printed  matter:  as  a  support  to  a  sales  letter 45 

use  of,  in  follow-up  letters 100 

Procrastination  by  customer,  how  guarded  against....      61-62 

Proof:    concrete   methods   of 52-53 

how  offered  with  argument 49 

object  of  56 

something  more  than,  needed,  when ■        57 

what  is  involved  in 52 

w^hat  it  is 53 

Prospect:   analysis  of 56,  97,  111 

interesting  the    11,  15,  21 

knowledge  of  characteristics  of 10,  15,  18,  56,  62,  84 

self-interest  of,  to  be  appealed  to 18,  37,  57 

Punctuation,  effect  of  faul.ty 77 

"Pursuant  to,"  use  of,  criticized 79 

Repetition,   uses  of 87 

Replies  to  sales  letters 71-74 

Retail  accounts,  collection  of 12C 

Sales  appeal,  adaptation  of  the 16, 18 

Sales  letters:   adaptation  of  appeal  in 16 

atmosphere  of   18, 19 

as  business  conversations  in  writing 10,  12,  60 

"attention  of"  line  in 24 

close  of,  must  be  forceful ... 58-70 

comparative  study  of 74 

compared  to  show  window 68-69 

conventional  phrases  in 12,  25,  29,  78-82, 158 

critical  study  of  previous  efforts  in  Avriting 84 

definite  lines  to  be  followed  in 22 

description  in  ' 37 

enthusiasm  for  subject  on  part  of  writer  of 12 

formality  in  12 

frameworlf  of   22-70 

fundamental  principles  applicable  to 10 

generalizations  to  be  avoided  in 13 

honesty  in  statements  in 13 

"I"  or  "we"  element  to  be  subordinated  to  "you"  v 

element    14, 15.  28 

imagination  in   12 


INDEX  167 

individuality  of  writer  to  be  impressed  on 15fi 

interesting  the  prospect  in  the 11 

opening  of 23,  20-37 

participial   endings   in 79 

"point  of  contact"  to  be  sought  for 12 

printed  matter  used  with 43 

replies  to,  that  are  not  orders 71 

salesmanship  in   .       10 

sales  plan  necessary  in 10 

sequence  of  emotions  to  aim  for  in 65 

style  in 77 

suggestions  for  improvement  of 76 

when  to  mail 103 

"you"  element  to  be  prominent  in 14, 15,  28 

Salesmanship:   as  applied  to  letters 10 

hints  on    148 

"Same,"  use  of,  criticized 79 

Self-expression  by  writer Kill,  14, 156 

Self-interest  of  customer  to  be  appealed  to 18 

Selling  by   letter .' 10, 13 

perfunctory  phrases  useless  in 27 

Short  letters  vs.  long  letters 46-47 

Show  window,  compared  to  sales  letter 68-69 

Sincerity,  an  aid  to  proof 54 

Spelling,  effect  of  faulty 77 

Style:  effect  of  bad  grammar,  etc 77 

psychological  value  of 77 

uses  of 45 

Subject,  complete  understanding  of,  necessary 14 

Suggestion:   as  an  aid  in  developing  interest 39 

example  of  56-57 

value  of,  in  follow-up  letters 87 

"Talking  points":    choice  of,  necessary 11 

how  to  interest  prospect  in 41 

"Thanking  you  in  advance,"  use  of,  criticized 82 

Untruths,  poor  business  policy 13, 14,  40 

Value  vs.  price 49 

"We"  element  to  be  subordinated 14, 15,  28 

difficulty  involved    103 

"You"  element  to  be  prominent 14,15,28 

difficulty  involved    103 


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